I'm thinking I'm going to die like this.

I have consulted with them many times, and I was saved by thankful words from the monk on that trip. Thank you so much.

However, even though I suppressed my painful feelings in my own way and persevered in my life, it was hard no matter what, and I began to feel strongly that I wanted to die.

The job has been decided, and I'm supposed to start work this afternoon. However, people are afraid no matter what. It's scary, scary, and unbearable.

What should I do if something similar to the past happens, and if I decide to quit, he and my family will get mad at me. I don't feel like doing anything anymore.

In my own way, I've been doing my best to listen to what people around me have to say until now. When the first thing I said changed, everything around me changed accordingly. But that was really painful.

When you get involved with people, your opinions and ideas are strongly imposed on you, and you have to change yourself over and over again. I'm already tired. I just want to die like this and be comfortable.

I'm very sorry that I wrote something like this. Until now, I thought it would be rude to write “I want to die” on such bulletin boards, etc., so I've kept it within myself without writing it. But that's the limit. I don't have any money, and I have nowhere to go. I have nowhere else to go and I'm at a loss. I want to feel better now.

5 Zen Responses

Please don't worry.

I read it. You're being forced into a very difficult situation right now, aren't you?
If you can be forced to go to work, please don't do it.
And please break away from being coerced and oppressed, and be freed. And don't overdo it and forgive yourself.
Are you having a hard time at home? Can't you rest for a while at someone you trust or at your family temple?
Please stay away from all kinds of worries and suffering for a while and rest your mind with peace of mind in a place where you can feel safe.
When we are alive, various kinds of suffering strike us. In such a case, please run away. It's OK to run away from suffering. And I sincerely hope that you can live with peace of mind.
I sincerely pray to the Buddha that you will be freed from suffering and have a calm and healthy mind. Please don't worry.

It's been a while, sorry.
Once you are free from the pain,
If your boyfriend and family recognize Konpeito just the way he is,
If you don't have to meet people for a while,

Maybe I can start my life over.

Maybe it gave me time to focus on a small amount of happiness.

Being swayed by people is painful and scary.
It's not like there are people around to shake me or get mad at me, but it's hard for me.

Even if I quit my job, if I have unemployment benefits, I think I can take a short break.

It's not meaningless that I had so many painful feelings.
I think it's painful because you care about others.

The situation has changed since the first question was asked.
As much as thinking about life and death, you can ask them to look at it from above and be selfish.

I want you to take care of what you need to do to protect yourself.

Please play a bad person, postscript 2

You've probably been able to live a life of a convenient person until now.
Whether at home or at work.
If so, why don't you become an inconvenient person from now on?
Please play someone who is not convenient.
They don't know what people around them say, don't hesitate to say their own opinions, do what they want to do, and ignore unreasonable orders from others that they aren't satisfied with.
I'm getting too close to the convenient side right now.
Please move it to the side that is not convenient from now on.
I think I'll be able to balance my mind if I do that.

Depression takes time to heal.
My acquaintance took a year. But now I'm back to work properly.
So don't be impatient and wait.
Tell him, if you can't work, don't worry, I'll take care of you; instead, do as much housework as possible! Let's just say,
Speaking of which, walking and cycling also seem to be effective in improving depression.

appending
Even if you say bad people, they're not convenient people.
An inconvenient person is someone who is independent and has a will who is not at the mercy of those around them.
Please do that.
I don't think you've become an inconvenient person yet.

By the way, there is a saying that it causes trouble to others, but from a Buddhist perspective, that is not a nuisance.
In Buddhism, nuisance is a state of loss and confusion, as the character suggests.
Have you really left others in a state of confusion until now?
Rather, you've been lost and confused, haven't you?
Even if you get a little selfish, your surroundings aren't bothersome at all.

Did you go to work today too?
Were you afraid of people?
But I'm just imagining it as scary from my experiences up until now.
When you're a kid, haunted houses are scary, aren't you?
But when you become an adult, you won't be afraid.
This is because I know that ghosts in haunted houses don't harm me.
Will the people you meet at work harm you?
If it's someone who doesn't cause harm, there's no need to be afraid.
Please observe people closely. Once you get to know people, you become less afraid.

Postscript 2
If it's an idea proposal form to leave to a newcomer, I don't think it's very important. Even so, I wonder if there are a lot of people who are a little irresponsible? People have many facets, so there may be good aspects too.
By the way, I don't know the job description, but my ideas often fall into the field. Let's listen carefully to the customer's requests.

I won't let you be alone.

You've worked so hard, haven't you?
you've been holding on, haven't you? That was great.
Wow, there's nothing to overdo it.
You don't have to think about anything.

Just let me be by your side.
I want to properly accept the feelings I want to die for.
So please get in touch.
It doesn't matter if it's in person.
I'm waiting.
I won't let you be alone.

Why don't you live for yourself before you die?

Hello. I saw it.

“I want to die,” or rather, I want to be freed from everything and feel comfortable. I want to finish it. That feeling came through the text. Mr. Konpeito has done his best for the real people around him. Even if there are intentional thoughts in it, it is not something anyone can do to work so hard, and it makes me bow my head. You've been doing your best.

The feeling in Mr. Konpeito that I want to die and want to end it. I think there is something behind it that I wanted to do this, but I wanted to cherish this kind of feeling. I would like you to remember the fun memories and the things that made you feel happy and happy. People will inevitably die. So why don't you feel like you're dead and live whatever you want for a while? Isn't it okay to throw everything away; it doesn't matter if you don't like it anymore. After all, even bad opponents will eventually die. Why don't you go to places you've always wanted to visit?

You can also visit a local temple. Please sit in front of the Buddha and bring out all the thoughts in your heart. The Buddha doesn't get angry, so I hope you confide in all of your anger and sorrow. I believe something will change.

May peace come to those who have a kind heart like Mr. Konpeito. Gassho

← all dialogues ← previous next →