It's hard being alive

I don't know what to do anymore.
I left my parents and went to college for 4 years to study psychology.
I wanted to study more psychology and get a job as a counselor, etc., so I aimed for graduate school, but the results were unsuccessful.
I was aware that my lack of study was the cause, so I asked my parents, “I'm going to be an inmate, but please let me do my best until the fall exam,” and if it didn't work, I decided to take this year's exam on the condition that I would get a job right away.
When I went back to my parents' house to study, my older sister and relatives who live nearby said, “Why don't you just give up and get a job?” There were times when I was told, but my mother was the only one who said, “Good luck!” He said that to me.

However, during this time, when I was studying in the living room, my mother said, “Anyway, it's no good again, isn't it? I was told “lol.”
I didn't expect such a thing to be said, so I was shocked and confused and couldn't say anything.

I haven't stopped crying since I was told these words.
weren't they cheering for me?
Have you been watching for the past six months with the impression that it's no good anyway?
Thoughts and feelings about why why... are spinning round and round in my head.

That one remark shocked me so much that I couldn't stop crying, and my studies didn't progress as I expected. So much so that I want to disappear and die.
That instant made me understand how to work hard for myself.
What should I do
The fact that morning comes every day is so hard that it can't be helped.
I think it would be nice if I didn't always wake up like this when I went to sleep.
It's hard being alive.

4 Zen Responses

Analyzing your current mind is a stepping stone for the future

I read your consultation.
Your mother's support was your only support, wasn't it? But do you think your favorite mother uttered those words with the intention of hurting you?
Probably not. Wouldn't you like to cheer for them from the closest and blow up so that they could work harder only because they were watching? Please accept that thought.

And let me say one more thing: is your final goal to get into graduate school? It's different, isn't it? You'll probably get a job as a psychological counselor, etc. To put it more, it will be close to the mentality of troubled and suffering people and help them stand up.

Aren't you exactly who you are right now? Let's carefully analyze my current heart and my mother's mind. And if you don't understand, confirm the facts.

“I was shocked when my mom told me this the other day. Why did you say that?”

Please speak slowly for a moment.
Your target counselor may be there. Yes, I'm sure your mother will give you warm counseling that is close to your feelings.

Maybe it's because you say “it's hard being alive” now that you will be able to be close to many troubled people in the future.

To do that, please be saved first now. Please be sure to face your mother and have a conversation.

It's a word of encouragement

My guess is that your mom was probably trying to encourage you.
There are many words of encouragement.
It's a phrase called straight forward and do your best.
Sounds good, but what if everyone says only these words every day?
Don't you think you'll be crushed by the pressure?
You've been supporting me this much, so don't you think I definitely have to pass?
Sometimes that pressure becomes a huge stress of what to do if you fail, and you become depressed and unable to study.

Well, it's no good anyway (laughs), what do you think.
Seriously, this doesn't mean that your life will end even if you fail, so relax and do your best, right?
I told you not to put pressure on you, didn't I?
Isn't it a mother's kindness?
Your mom was also a little short on words and misled you, but let's pick that up.
Your mom is always cheering for you.
We support not only tests, but life itself.

Please reassure your mother.
Even if you fail, don't worry, I won't be depressed and I'll do my best in a positive way. and.

Please relax and take the test.

“bias”

Yuki-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

For those studying psychology, it may be a “sermon to the Buddha,” but there is a possibility that they are in a psychological situation where they are unable to make calm judgments or correct judgments due to “bias.” Certainly, I wonder if there were various things, such as cognitive bias and confirmation bias.

Maybe they've taken a casual word too much more than necessary as something too important.

Anyway, there's no change in being able to take the hospital exam, so first, do what you can do so that you can pass well; if it doesn't work, then then, and the next, switch to employment,

Also, even if you get a job, if you are still motivated, there are entrance examinations for working adults, etc., and I think it doesn't matter if you intend to gain practical experience in related occupations.

If you fall into too extreme prejudice, even in Buddhism, you will be told to “walk the middle path.”

It's a little different from sloppiness, but it's about “I'll be able to do something,” and now it's important to work on what needs to be done and what you can do right now.

Of course, I pray that you pass.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

What is your mother's true intention?

　I think the mother is heartbroken by how Yuki is struggling with her graduate school entrance exam failure. Also, isn't it because I felt Yuki's enthusiasm when she was working so hard that “failure is unforgivable this time around,” and at the same time, she felt pain at the same time that she was cornering herself so much?

As a mother, I think I said my question because I wanted to ease Yuki's sense of tension and impatience even a little bit. From Yuki's point of view, I'm of the same generation as your parents. Like your parents, I've seen children working on studying for entrance exams. As parents, I've treated my children with the feeling that I want to improve their motivation even a little bit and relax them at the same time. However, even though I wanted to give them words of encouragement and encouragement, I couldn't find any good words in case of emergency. In that sense, he was an impotent father.

Let's check the true meaning of your mother's words. If you check, wasn't it similar to me, “I was a helpless father even if I tried to encourage him somehow”?

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