I don't want to add character count to this kind of content, but the concept of self-help is widespread because it is a term commonly used in introductory books written by the editorial department of publishing companies. However, originally, there is no such thing as self-reliance in Buddhism. If you search for “self-help” in the specialized paper database (INBUDS), you will get 26 hits, of which 21 are papers from the Jodo religion side. Other than that, there are 2 in the Nichiren sect, 1 paper dealing with the new religion, and 1 study on the Jodo religion by a Zen scholar or Buddhist scholar.
It is a concept born entirely because people who insist on other powers regard “those people are self-reliant.”
This is because Buddhism “removes the separation between oneself and others,” if you ask those who are regarded as so-called self-reliance. If you understand both self-strength and others' power in a deep sense, they are originally saying the same thing.
In the words of Dogen Zenji, “If you follow the path of Buddhism, you are narrowing your self. To speak of oneself is to dismiss oneself. If you spoil yourself, it's like being proven to all the laws. As evidenced by Manpo, it's like falling out with one's own body and mind and another's body and mind.” That's it.
Or, in the words of the Buddha, “A person who has no past, never came, has nothing to own (own), has no possession (possession), has no takeover (sutra), is called Brahman” (Tomomatsu Enko, “Dharma Sutra” 421)
When we mourn, we do it because the person left behind wants to do something for a close deceased person, or because they can't help but do it. It's the ego that lets your will go through until after you die. That kind of thing leads to regret.
If there is no one to raise incense sticks, it doesn't matter if they are there... you can leave it up to your relationship. My mentor also said, “I'll leave everything up to you when I die, so be sure to consult often with Kumiji and the Gojikai officers. No matter what you do, I won't complain.” I left it out saying that. I think that's what a clean end or attainment of Buddhism means. You live and die in a relationship, and if you can appreciate your relationship, there's nothing to worry about.
Incidentally... I see multiple spiritual words in the thank you column, but spiritual is completely different from Buddhism. Please forget it. please.