hasunoha

How to deal with toxic parents

I wrote a letter showing my thoughts to my father, whom I had been on bad terms for three years due to something. I wrote that if there is no reply, I think there is no parent-child relationship, but there was no reply. However, I suddenly received a phone call from my mother and told that my father had passed away, and my mother read the letter and didn't show it to my father. The letter was received 2 months before his death, and although at that point he had an illness and was declared to have a life expectancy, it seems that he was doing well. My mother, who doesn't let me know anything, is creepy. I don't know how to treat my mother in the future. My mother has a personality that gets angry easily, and if she doesn't take care of her constantly, she quickly becomes moody.

2 Zen Responses

I don't understand

Maybe the mother also didn't have room to respond to the contents of the letter due to her father's nursing care etc. Maybe they were worried and at a loss as to what to do.
You may have feelings and regrets about not being able to break up with your father right now. I think we can build a good relationship by treating our mother kindly in the future.

The important thing is not to ignore it. Imagine the other person's feelings and don't make up your mind. If you get lost, talk directly to someone in real life. It seems like an easy thing to overlook, but it's very important.

Let's go see my father first

Antoinette

I read your question.

You must have been surprised to hear that your father passed away. I'm so lonely. First, it's important to put your hands together with your father, who was born in the world of Buddhism. Please tell your mother that you want to pray in front of the Buddha.
The conversation with the mother comes later, but when they live apart, even parents and children don't understand each other's bellies. Now that you know what your letter is about, let's read it and ask what you think. It is said that it's easy to get grumpy, but there are also cases where your true intentions finally come out when you get grumpy. Please take your time and calm your mind and listen to the inside of your mother's heart.

Gassho