Is it OK for the eldest son to stay like this

In the old days, education was centered around morality and Otendo-sama.
Both at school and at home, there was an attitude of correcting oneself in the field of education.
This is why riots and looting are rare in Japan.

But recently, the attitude of correcting oneself is fading steadily.

In today's world, if you open a book, kids shouldn't get angry. We must praise him. It says
“People Who Raised Such Wonderful Children” were probably written in these books.
That's certainly true, but it doesn't seem like there are too many people who misread it yet again.

Don't get angry → don't get angry
Praise → get in a good mood and don't make you feel bad
Take good care → like touching a swollen object

I think there are a lot of people who misunderstand that.

There is a difference between leaving it up to your emotions and getting angry and scolding it lovingly.
If you make a mistake, you must scold him.
It's natural to praise good things. That's why children grow.
However, when praising anything and everything, children misunderstand that it will be the way they want it.
Before they know it, parents also begin to take a good mood so that their children don't get grumpy.
Praising anything and everything without properly distinguishing between good and bad is nothing but a crime.

If you take good care of your children, you will scold them when you scold them, praise them when you praise them, and watch over them properly so that they can stand on their own feet properly.
It's not about lending a hand at everything and pampering them until they can't move their hands and feet without someone's help.

Everyone is a first time as a parent.
There is no second or third time for parents.
This is the first time for both parents to the eldest son and parents for the second son.
I do things for the first time every day, so it's natural to go through trial and error.

But parents should be able to go back to being children.
What if it were me?
What if they say this? What if it happens like this?

It's not “parents should be like this” that someone thought, and it's nothing compared to other houses or children; you and your husband watched your child, what kind of state this child is in now, and what is necessary for this child to walk alone in the future? It's more important to think about it.

You can live without a university or license.
I'll get it myself if I need it.

Parents can't take care of their children until they die.
Being too nice is sometimes a sin.

Isn't tough love too?

Currently, it seems that there are approximately 800,000 people under the age of 40 who are not employed, enrolled in school, or vocational training. Surprisingly, among them, the highest percentage is not in their 20s, but in the group called “elderly NEET” in their late 30s, and it is said that it is still increasing. It's data that seems to hurt my stomach... it means that as we get older with such a dependent constitution, it becomes difficult to stand on our own feet.

As expected, the country also has a sense of crisis, and it's a bit difficult to read, but there are sites like this.
http://www.mhlw.go.jp/houdou/2007/06/h0628-1a.html
At the beginning of this, it says “young people who are in a NEET state come from a very wide range of families,” but apparently it doesn't seem to be a problem with their parents or growing up at home. Conversely, this may mean that it is not a problem that parents work hard to solve.

I'm sorry that all the stories made me sigh, but please take a look at this summary of a certain bulletin board. You can catch a glimpse of those 800,000 people holding each other's feet together. What is really troubling is that it seems that there is an actual situation where the words of these people are more powerful than the words of parents.
http://blog.livedoor.jp/rejoijopi/archives/1009900648.html
In fact, if you only watch this kind of exchange, you'll take classes at prep schools or go to driving schools and appreciate that “being outside” is working hard. Isn't it necessary to change the environment?

As far as I can read your question, I want to go on to any university anyway and think that it might change if you live alone, but why don't you consult with them at a place that specializes in self-reliance support?

Maybe it's not a situation where you can save the old man even if you leave him alone.
It's not about throwing the old man away; why don't you hope for growth and ask for help from others.
In each prefecture, there are organizations that support families with young adults such as hikikomori, truants, NEET, etc., and organizations that support their children themselves.

I'm in Kanagawa, so ↓

http://www.pref.kanagawa.jp/cnt/f70226/

Why don't you talk to them once?

Why don't you pick up some money and tools to play with?
I get distracted when there are a lot of temptations and stimuli.
Why don't you make it so free that you don't have anything to do other than study?