about my grandmother...

It's about my 93-year-old grandmother.

My husband issued a transfer order last month, and I was transferred to a rural area.
Due to the short period of preparation for the move and the sudden cold in the morning and evening, I and my children got sick and caught a cold...
In addition to that, the next company house I live in is an ombolo tenement house (over 50 years old), and the ventilation fan is broken, and the bathroom and rooms with poor sunlight are full of mold... As expected, there are small children, so I had discussions with my husband, and even when I moved, they didn't follow me right away, and I decided to go back to my parents' house for about 1 month.
My husband also lived there before, and since he also has a company position, I can't say that I want to leave the company house unless there is a very good reason, and I should live once to see if there are any inconveniences. That was my opinion...
There were times when I wasn't feeling well, but most of all, I think I really hated living in that company house... I cried and packed every day.

My father, mother, and grandmother are at home.
My father and mother work and aren't there during the day. My grandmother has no blur for a 93-year-old, can do all the things around her, is healthy compared to her age, and is almost alone at home during the day.
When I bring my kids home, they play with my great-grandchildren to the extent possible.
However, I think it was because we had a cold this time. My grandmother caught a cold. I slept at home for a few days, but I couldn't stop coughing, became weaker and weaker, and it seems that my heart was originally weak, and the burden became too great, so I was hospitalized for the first time.

My carelessness and selfishness made a big deal of trouble for my grandmother, and I am really full of guilt and regret.
There's nothing I can do about it even if I regret what has passed, so now that I'm in the hospital, I should do what I can. I also think, but I've always thought that if something happened to my grandmother, it was my fault. Since it's such a state of mind, children are also hit hard by trivial matters. I can't afford it.
It wasn't the kids' fault, but I'm sorry.

How should I change my feelings about myself like this?

3 Zen Responses

　As people go about their lives, they run into things that don't turn out the way they want them to.
What kind of family I was born into in what year AD, what kind of face, and what kind of physique I would be born in doesn't go the way I want. Also, when and with what kind of face my child will be born or not, it doesn't go the way I want it. Sickness, old age, and death. It is not possible to specify when, where, what kind of illness you will get, or how you will die. Also, this life, old age, sickness, and death will always come to everyone.

I'm worried about my grandmother's illness. But even if your kids aren't supposed to live there, they'll get sick one day. So you don't have to feel responsible for it.

The questions are a series of issues, but I think they can be broken down into several parts. ① I don't want to live in a dilapidated house where I was transferred. ② Where should I live for myself and my children? ③ My grandmother got sick.
Well, if you write it this way, there are parts that overlap after all, but I think there is no choice but to break down these problems one by one and come up with specific answers.

Incidentally, me and my family also live in a pretty rough place (due to circumstances, we live in a rented house). The description is just like my house (laughs). It's messy from the beginning, so I don't mind if it gets a little dirty, and the kids spend their time relaxing. Well, it's my story, so it might not be very helpful.

It was the “causal relationship” that should have happened...

It conveys the kindness of your grandmother's feelings. It's never your fault. When people get sick, they get sick no matter how careful they are. Buddha said ❝ sickness (suffering of not wanting to get sick, but getting sick if there is such a cause) ❞...
Also, worst of all, you may die because of this (don't get angry if it's not lucky). At that time, too, that kind of period had come (because the year is also the year...). ❝ Death and suffering ❞ can't do anything on your own. People in the olden days said, “Humans don't die from diseases. They said, “You will die in the span of your life.” It's a sharp way of saying it with a strong sense of flavor.
Anyway, please pray for a speedy recovery now. I'm praying for Koo too.
Rather than that, I'm more worried about saying “I really hated living in that company house number one.” As a result, your husband was “assigned alone” for that reason... I agree with my husband's opinion that “there were people who lived there before, and there is also a company position, so I can't say I want to leave the company house unless there is a good reason, and I should live once to see if there is any inconvenience.” It's certainly old, and it's hard to need repairs, but there is also a way to say ❝ if you live in the city ❞. The sense of security that you and your child are “waiting for you at home” is more “encouraging” than anything else when it comes to work.
Please support your husband with such enthusiasm that “I will remodel it into a bright and livable house.” It may be difficult, but Kit and his wife got along well, and later it became a funny story saying, “That time was hard, but it was fun.” Certainly, there are many people in the world who are forced to “be assigned alone” for various reasons. However, after all, I think “supporting and helping each other as a family” is the most “reconciliation.”
I think grandmothers also want you and your great-grandchildren to be “happy” the most. Gassho

How to make amends

I'm worried about your grandmother's condition.
First of all, I would like to pray for your grandmother's recovery.

It is said that it was a sudden transfer, but...
Even a sudden change in the living environment is a serious problem.
Furthermore, even though it is your husband's job, it takes quite a bit of stress when you have to move to a house with poor conditions.
Well then, even if you get sick, it can't be helped.

It is said that they have moved to their parents' house once, but considering the current situation, this is probably a natural progression.
As a result, it is said that there is a possibility that your grandmother caught a cold...
If that were true, you are not responsible for anything.

I couldn't afford it because of the stress of moving, etc., even though it was something I would normally be careful about.
Since various factors have overlapped, there is no way to do it.

As AN thought, there's nothing you can do about it even if you regret what has passed.
What are some things you can do right now?

I feel that my grandmother is responsible, and I have a strong feeling that I want to make amends somehow.
If you think so, don't be bothered by yourself or hit by your children, and think about what compensation is.

Unfortunately, my grandmother is ill.
If so, I think that staying healthy until your grandmother's will pay for it.

Your grandmother would also like to recover and get healthy if possible.
I think AN, who has such a healthy body, can make amends by maintaining good health until her grandmother's.

In the future, AN will have a lot of problems, such as moving and her grandmother.
How far you can stand up here is probably your challenge.
At least I think so.

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