I want to die

Hello Chi- san.

You think about your parents and are kind. And even if it's hard enough to die, it's still strong because they want to work and get back on their feet. First, let's acknowledge that this mindset is a wonderful thing.

However, if you have relied too much on your kind and strong self, and it's still not going well and it's getting tough, it would be nice if this time you acknowledge your own weakness and clumsiness and be able to rely on the strength of those around you.

I wanted to work so hard that I took action, but why didn't it work? Why can't we continue when things don't go well?

It has to be this way! This is how it should be! Aren't you struggling with the difference between that thought and reality where that isn't the case?
It's okay to fail. Suddenly no one gets along well.

Also, if you actually try what you want to do and it doesn't work, it may be a little unreasonable to choose your own place based only on your own thoughts.

I think there are various support methods, places, and organizations. It's hard to look for it alone. Instead of bothering your parents right now, why don't you ask them to help you find a place that suits you even if it bothers your parents.
I'm sure your parents don't think that's a nuisance, do you?

Accept not only who you are doing your best, but also yourself who isn't doing well. Having confidence and believing in yourself does not mean believing in your “ideal self,” but believing (accepting) who you are now.
Instead of trying too hard to aim for my ideal self, I try my best because I want to do my best on the path that suits me now. Wouldn't it be a little easier if I could think and put it into practice like that?

No matter where you are, nothing is perfect for you right from the start. You'll also need to adjust to where you are.
But if you don't “have to” but “because you want to,” you can overcome it, right?

You can only listen to stories here, and no other place of support can replace your life.
Nevertheless, with the help of such various places, let's maintain the desire to recover and actions to recover.

I think there are many things that are difficult when you have the feeling of “I want to die.” Please feel free to contact us anytime without overdoing it.

Your sense of regret was, “I am full of feeling sorry for my parents.”
Also, there was a sense of “guilt.”

Why don't you sort out your current bad feelings and feelings of guilt towards your parents a little more?

For one thing, isn't your current sense of guilt mixed up with your parents' feelings for you?
・What are your parents' feelings, expectations, and dissatisfaction with you?
・Is the current fuzzy “just” not meeting parents' expectations
・If you are aware of your parents, do you exchange words at least once a day

Another thing to sort out is that I saw a part-time job while on leave of absence, but I had no choice but to quit right away. If you look only at this fact, “I quit right away,” why don't you think about the cause a little more carefully?
・Is my own sloth the only cause?
・I wonder if they really thought they had to work.
・Was it just about making money temporarily?

Also, about vocational schools where they are currently taking a leave of absence and intend to drop out of school someday.
・What is the reason for not being right for you? (Don't like studying? Have you changed your interest to anything else?
・Is that school content or relationships at school?
・Despite these difficulties, is it still unthinkable to return to school?

As for personal advice, it is often a very limited amount of time in teens that humans have time to go to school and obtain qualifications while “studying for a lifetime.”
If vocational schools are absolutely impossible, I wonder if I can work on learning something during this period (there are other schools, vocational training schools (Hello Work), etc.) Please think about it.

The criteria for judging that person cannot be measured by graduation qualifications or income qualifications alone, but I think it is easy to imagine that the way of life they can choose without those qualifications will narrow.

I'm not saying you have to put up with anything. When I try to sort out my current patience and confusion, it seems like I can see what I really should put up with and a path I should take more seriously.

The value of your life seems to me that you have enough power to look at yourself, think of your parents, and find that value.
So why don't you try a little harder?

Please let me hear your thoughts again.

　Thank you for your question. Even if they are monks, they are human, so I have a feeling that they will quit halfway through. It means you are taking a leave of absence, but why don't you talk to someone close to you at the same school without worrying about it alone? I think you can get good results by listening to people around you without worrying alone. Even if I drop out of school, I'll regret it.
So, I understand that my part-time job doesn't continue, and I feel like I want to die because I'm NEET. That's why I feel sorry for my parents, but I'm not living alone; it's important to be thanks to so many people; if you have a feeling that you can't lose to others, the desire to die won't happen. I'm a monk of the Jodo Shinshu sect, and I think the best thing for humans is not to suffer, but it's difficult to get rid of suffering while really being alive, but please have a feeling of gratitude in the midst of suffering. I believe I can get back on my feet. I think it would be nice if you could start with trivial matters and do something beneficial to people. I really have a strong feeling that I want to avoid death. Why don't you cherish that thought and be spoken to by the chief priest or master of a nearby temple and listen to the conversation? Gassho

Chi-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

I understand how impatient you feel, but don't rush anything.

This is a place where I want to take time to think carefully for a moment.

Tell your parents that you want to work and that you are willing to work, and want to think carefully about the future so that they can feel safe, even if it is a period of time for them to broaden their horizons for a little while, three months to six months, to see and hear about the world and society. Meanwhile, if possible, a short-term part-time job would be good as a trial as an accent.

If it doesn't fit, you can't force yourself to fit it.

After all, doing what you want to do, what you want to do, and what you have ambition for is important in order to keep doing everything. You also don't have to put up too much stress by overdoing things you don't want to do.

Actually, it's been 5 years since I participated in Hasunoha, and during this time, answering became somewhat like an obligation along the way, and answering became painful and stressful, so to be honest, I thought I'd quit.

But when I think back to the happy thank-you I've received so far, I've been able to continue by returning to the beginning again, thinking that I've been able to do what I wanted to do as a monk.

Chi-sama also wants to set up a period here to find something they want to do, want to do, and have ambitions, and then make arrangements so that they can move forward.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho