I killed my dog. I can't regret it enough.

My 15 year old pet dog passed away the other day.
It's been 7 years since I came to my house, and I kept them outside as a guard dog.
I've been bedridden for 8 months, and I've been dealing with it with a dropper because I can't stand on my own or drink water. (I've been taking care of them at home since I became bedridden.)

My stools have been muddy for the past few days, and when a lot of urine comes out, my body becomes lumpy, so I washed my body, and 3 days later, it became a burden on my dog and took my life.

In this day and age, if you look up anything on the internet, you should have looked up how to wash it before doing it.

I wonder why they didn't keep them in the house, I wonder if they wouldn't have lived a happier life if they hadn't come to the house, and why did they say keep them at home.
I wish I had loved them even more.
I wish I had fed them a variety of foods without any dietary restrictions.

Even if I regret it, I can't regret it enough, and even if I apologize to my dog, I can't make up for it.

Everything I've done since I was little has backfired.
I hate myself like this.

I think the word regret is for me.

Is there anything I can do for my dog from now on?

3 Zen Responses

I offer my condolences.
When you turn 15, you're already old. I think it was the lifespan. Please don't blame yourself.
I think my dog is also thankful that they have kept it for so many years.
Please keep your hands together quietly now and pray that they will thank you for everything until now and that they will be born human next time.

I didn't kill him.

As is the case with humans, when they die, there is a tendency to look for the reason in “immediate action.” It is proof that the field of view is narrowing due to the “suffering” called grief. Life is the result of the butterfly effect. The length of life is influenced by all events from birth to the present. If you get dizzy as the cause, there is nothing wrong with food you gave them 10 years ago, pebbles you stepped on while walking, DNA damage caused by sunlight, etc. I wonder if I'm happy to keep it in a capsule for the rest of my life so that it doesn't get damaged (actually, that way, it lasts longer).
Life is full of bad effects, but that's why I enjoy it. Especially for animals that can only enjoy their environment, the life they spent with you must have been the one and greatest. The length of life span does not determine the value of a dog's life.

Let's take a short break and walk

First of all, I would like to take care of the dog that passed away.

As the person mentioned earlier, my field of view is probably getting narrower now.
It can also seem like you're blaming yourself too much.

There are also only regrets, such as “I wish I had done that” and “I wish I had done this”
Maybe it's human nature. But you must have done the best you could at that time.
I think the translation is different from knowing and not doing it.
Aren't you stuck there and just thinking too much about that?

I'll give you a line from Frodo and Gandalf from the movie “Lord of the Rings.”

Frodo: “I wish the ring hadn't come to me.
I wish all of these things didn't happen.”
Gandalf: “We all think like that for as long as we live, but that doesn't matter to us.
Rather than that, it's about thinking about what we should do now in the time we have been given.”
(*English translation of lines)

So what should we do?
We can only do what humans can do.
Even if you can only see things nearby right now, the medicine called time should work to unwind you.
At that time, all you have to do is accept your surroundings firmly and start walking.
Your dog will always walk with you in your heart.
If you just blame yourself, the dog you're with will get tired too.

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