I want to die.

I read it. I read that you are now being driven to the point where you want to die and are in a difficult situation.
Please tell us about your feelings and circumstances at this place from now on.
This is also a safe place for you to consult.
Please don't be in a hurry and first adjust your breathing little by little by little by taking a leisurely breath. And try to calm your mind little by little. Please relax your mind and body.
I think your mind and body are being driven down right now and you are exhausted.
If you get exhausted and driven in, you'll be blocked in all directions in a situation where there's no escape, and you won't be able to think or do anything.

There is a place where you can feel calm and at ease. This is also the case here, or there are many different public institutions and consultation desks.

Please take a good rest first. And once again, please talk carefully about yourself.

We're always here for you, and we're on your side.
Please, you are by no means alone, so please actively receive support from others.

You can live a healthy life. You're important, aren't you?

What exactly is that overly big of a problem? Can you tell me to the extent that individuals are not identified?

If there is a human mission or mission in life, it is an output activity of love.
It's about releasing love as if breathing, and it becomes a way of life where Heart-chan overflows every time you blink. It's about living a life that is kind to oneself, and as a result, the other person is also satisfied with love.
Right now, your sad and painful things continue to make you think you can't do it.
Actually, that way you move your mind, that way you move your mind, which moves in a negative direction every time, is the real lesion that is making you suffer.
It can be cured. To that end, let's love our younger brother again as a family. People are looking for love even when they die. Or rather, it can be said that even after passing away, they are still seeking the same kind of involvement as before. In other words, it's about breaking away from the fact that your younger brother remains in a lost state and enshrines him as someone you can love. Attitudes are changing so that the deceased is treated as a Buddha, as a guide, and as someone who can be respected. When a person dies, we must not leave that person among us in a state of loss.
If loss is prioritized in the brain, you really can't face the deceased = your heart won't get along. You will be able to say “good morning” comfortably every day. There are no secrets from your mother, and in order to be able to discuss everything about depression or your younger brother normally, it is important that there are no conditions or setbacks.
To that end, you need to do love output activities only in order to love yourself.
Actually, what did you want people to notice through these?
It's about not prioritizing “my own vision that comes to mind.”
Wanting to die is also a sad feeling of prioritizing what you think.
It's also sad to think that my mother is depressed...
It's also a sad feeling to give up if there's nothing to be done about it.
Who would be saddest?
This is my younger brother who passed away.
Is death really the priority?
In order for you to live today, the most brand-new day in human history, as a new blessing, you yourself must shed your old negative thoughts as if a snake were to shed its shell.
Because who you are today is not who you used to be. You don't even need to react negatively as usual anymore. Please ask Buddhism for salvation.
Please come to the temple with the two of you at least once. Gassho

It is natural for water to flow from high to low.

It's natural in a sense that when faced with something too painful, thoughts of “I want to die” or “I want to disappear” come to mind.

And there's no “good” or “bad.”

However, water flows from high to low, which means there are waterfalls that are considered famous places or spectacular views, and others that are not. When it comes to what is there, there is a “value judgment.”
The angle is good, the momentum is good, the surrounding scenery is good, this is bad... that is not in itself, in other words, in the flow of water itself, but in the human mind that values it, compares it, and evaluates it.

Similarly, if you think “I want to die” is a bad thing, a pathetic thing, something you should avoid, etc., it means that at some point you are blaming yourself based on your own value judgment.
Here, if you say “your own value judgment is bad,” you'll end up pretending to be weasel. Your value judgments are not only made by you, but are also shaped by influence from the society of the times.

Just as water flows from high to low, it is affected by various influences and meandering, so let's know that just as rivers are not in a straight line to the sea, you are also influenced by countless relationships such as contemporary society, families, lovers, etc., and have reached the present.

And it's neither good nor bad. That's because it was a relationship I had.

And once you notice that fact, let's take action to gradually adjust the flow gradually and gently. The flow of water cannot be made slowly by directly touching water. Embankment construction and river repair work, in other words, by preparing waterways, the flow will calm down.

The construction you need now is not about facing thoughts, values, or evaluations, but about facing relationships with your lover, your mother's illness, etc., and doing what you can. And above all else, isn't it about talking about your problems here or sharing them with someone to share your anxiety and face them?

Please feel free to contact us at hasunoha.

Hirota-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

The meaning (value/reason) of life is not something tangible that can be decided and said “this is it” from the beginning, and it is something that can be formed by causality (cause and condition).

Also, it can be different for each person who captures even a single object, and even depending on one's own state of mind.

However, Shakyamuni taught a way of life that maintains a normal mind without being influenced by any object or by human perception (in particular, recognition due to ignorance (fundamental ignorance) or worry).

Of course, it's not meaningless either. Good causation is also a place where good meaning can also be found according to the good cause and cause preached by Buddhism.

“I want to die” probably comes from ignorance and worry...

I would like to continue making adjustments so that a good meaning has been found in Buddhism, even a little bit.

Please make use of hasunoha as well.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho