Kill yourself or live

If you don't know what to do, just don't die. It may or may not mean that I'm glad I died, but if I'm alive, there may come a time when I think I'm glad I'm alive.

Well, you said you're going to be a freelancer, but I'm certainly worried about what comes after that. That's because they don't choose freelancers because they have some goals.

So, here's a suggestion, why don't you study Buddhism? This doesn't mean you can become a monk at all. If you study Buddhism, you can find plenty of hints to find meaning in life. Teachers are experts in that field, so you can talk to them and get advice. Also, in the case of universities, you can obtain teaching qualifications and other qualifications to some extent, so I think it's much better than being a freelancer. Furthermore, if it's the Jodo Shinshu sect, there are places to learn that are compatible with being a freelancer, such as distance learning or nighttime courses.

At least if you study about us, you can't waste your time studying Buddhism. Philosophy, literature, language, art, clinical psychology... No matter what field you advance in, there's no harm in knowing the Buddhist way of thinking.

Why don't you think about it for a moment and take a look?

If suicidal thoughts continue for days, there is a possibility of “depression.”
Just as symptoms such as a runny nose or fever appear when you catch a cold, when you become “depressed,” symptoms called suicidal thoughts may occur.
By all means, please consult with a specialized institution such as psychosomatic medicine or a counselor.
If you're struggling alone even though it's a problem getting medical help (brain or nerve disorder), it would be a waste of time.

I'm timid too.
However, my worries also increase because I'm timid, but I don't forget to think.

Thinking becomes wisdom.

The world is big.
There are many environments where you can feel that such a world existed in this world.

Take more action.
When I think about it but I don't get an answer, I try moving.

If you don't set your own limits and try to fit into a fixed social framework, suffering will occur.

You don't go to college at the right age; you should go when you want to study again. I went to college in my late 30s.
There's no need to live in step with your classmates.
I want to try something like this. I want to live this way. Please think about it more and more.

I pray that your heart will be free.

Bear Bear

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

Maybe there are times when I have a negative feeling about the term freelancer...

Anyway, don't limit your possibilities.

I think it's good that I want to do various jobs in order to search for and test my own possibilities.

Despite all the twists and turns, Steve Jobs was also a huge success. Rather, it can be said that without twists and turns, it wouldn't have been a success.

I honestly don't know what makes me happy. You don't know which eyes will come out until you throw the ball, but if you don't throw it, nothing will start.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

I read your consultation. You've been worried for a long time. They really did their best.

Family, relatives, friends... after struggling with various things, the last question you bumped into was probably “commit suicide or live.”

it's like living, isn't it? Why do we live? if it's this painful, better...

I'm guessing those thoughts won't get out of my head.

That's a very important question. It's an important question that you should never cheat on.

And no one can tell you the answer. You have no choice but to reveal it yourself.
But that doesn't mean we despair. There are many pioneers who were troubled just like you, and clarified that question for themselves. That's history.

Well, there is a vocational school called Otani Senshu Gakuin.

Most of the people who attend are people who aim to become monks of the Shinshu Otani school and people who have obtained a Shinshu Otani school teacher qualification, but there are also cases where ordinary “worried about living” also knock on the gate here.
It is a boarding school where various generations, such as high school graduates and those over 60, learn to live by sleeping and eating together.
Internet information is scarce,

This is a guide to last year's enrollment. ↓ This year's one will be released soon, but it would be best to contact them directly to request materials.
http://www.higashihonganji.or.jp/未分類/21371/

The website of the person who left Otani Senshu Gakuin and went from being a salaryman to a monk
http://ryoukakuji.net/05ikiru/00ikiru_top.htm

Please read it, and if you are interested, please include it as an option.

Maybe your parents have been hurting you. And I think they're afraid of their parents. But maybe what lies at the heart of that fear is actually fear of oneself.

Fear of not being able to recognize myself. Fear of hurting oneself. I'm afraid I won't know what will happen to me.

It's something everyone is afraid of.

Let's face our own fears and learn how to live in depth through surpassing our fears about our parents.
It's also a good idea to jump into Otani Senshu Gakuin with all your fears behind you.

Also, please feel free to contact us about anything at any time.

I read it.
I've also read your previous questions, so I'm sure you've had a very hard time until now. And I think that's what you're thinking right now.
Have you been hunting yourself down to that point right now? I think you have a feeling that you can't see the future and have nowhere to go. I sincerely understand your thoughts.

You're about to graduate soon, aren't you? And they'll probably go out into society. I'm sure many things have been around us until now. And you'll probably be able to take the next step again.
You have been blessed with life in various relationships, have lived until now, and have grown further from now on, and various encounters and events await you.
A wonderful encounter awaits you from now on.
You are important. Your future is about to open up to you.
Various wonderful encounters and events that you still don't understand are waiting for you.
Your life is a given. Your life is being kept alive in various connections and circumstances, and you have been given a lifetime.

If you wish, you should also be able to learn things you are interested in from now on. You may be able to study at a university, vocational school, or online, and there are various fields and subjects to study right in front of you. Wouldn't it be possible to do that while working?
I think it's a good thing to be able to work and become independent. As your parents become independent in terms of life, it will probably change from what you think now.

As you live from now on, there will always be an opportunity to find and look back at the meaning, purpose, and hope of your own life in between.
There aren't all good things in life, but even so, there are things worth living through.
Showa writer Yamamoto Yuzo is in the “Roadside Stone”
“It's only one life, I want to cherish it, because it's only one life, I want to do what I want to do, because it's only one life, I want to live with dreams, because it's only one life, I want to value encounters, because it's only one life, I want to feel a lot of happiness, because it's only one life.”

I sincerely pray that the future will open up for you.