I want to die. It's hard to live.
I feel like everything I'm doing is useless, and there's no point in living. I don't want to do anything, I don't feel motivated. You might be bothered when you die, but I don't think it's more of a nuisance than being alive. I tried to die before, but in the end, I didn't die. It would have been easier if I had died at that time.
I read it. I read that you have suffered so much that you want to die now. I sincerely understand your painful feelings.
I think there are a lot of things in life that make you feel that way. I think there are times when you think that no matter what you do, it won't work, and you think there's no point in being alive. Also, there are times when you get exhausted both mentally and physically and lose your energy to live.
You were blessed with a strange relationship and were given life to this world. At first glance, it may seem like it doesn't mean anything, but you are an important person who is blessed and can live with goals.
There are probably only things you don't understand right now, but you always have a purpose and meaning to live nurtured by various relationships. There are probably things only you can do, and there are many things you can do.
Even if you don't understand it right now, it will give you an opportunity to feel and think as you see, hear, and experience various things in your future life.
To that end, please take a leisurely rest for yourself, your tired mind and body. Please get a good night's sleep and eat delicious nutritious meals to recover your mind and body. And please heal both your mind and body.
After that, let's take a close look at your surroundings again, and take a fresh look at yourself.
Things and relationships that are important to you will come around by accident, and you may also be given that opportunity.
I sincerely pray that you will notice many important things as you live your future life and that you will be able to live through every day with a rich heart and fulfillment.
It's painful to think that doing everything is useless. Why do you think everything you're doing is useless?
Maya-sama
This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.
In Buddhism, we don't just think about the span of this life; it is important to think by looking at the past, present, and next generations.
Every action is a business (karma), and it becomes a causal relationship (cause and condition) for future results.
No matter what you do, it won't be wasted; it will have a bearing on future results.
In Buddhism, we want to work towards good results, and ultimately, enlightenment and nirvana by working hard on pure good deeds while walking in Buddhism as much as possible.
It doesn't matter if it's little by little, one step at a time. I would be grateful if you could proceed with the practice of Buddhism.
Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho