The family of a wife who married in a temple. The position is 1 bottom.

It's a funeral home, right?
If so, shouldn't they have explained the seating order and standing behavior well?
I think the mother-in-law is the temple's boss, but this means that the mother-in-law has a special responsibility for the mother-in-law, and standing up like she jumped over the mother-in-law even when assisting the mother-in-law is taboo among taboos.

“It may be common sense in temples, but I don't think it's common sense.”
That's not true. This is just common sense.
Was the seating arrangement at your friend's wedding or reception difficult?
Did you share the roles of speeches and greetings?

[Use Buddhism as a master and let the world be your guest]
This is what Rennyo Shonin, the founder of the Jodo Shinshu Buddhism revival, taught us this.
Buddhism is open to everyone equally, but that doesn't mean you don't have to follow the rules of the world.

“It seems that my husband, who is the deputy chief priest, didn't know”
That would be a problem. Please study hard.

I read your consultation.

What is important is not who was right, you or your mother-in-law, but rather what you are going to do in the future based on this incident.

And above all, you were sad and frustrated that your mother must have felt sorry for this time.

Let's try to think that won't happen in the future.

Well, the one I'm asking

> Is this treatment natural at any temple or not

I honestly don't know about it. There are probably various ways of thinking and customs depending on denomination, region, generation, and individual. Also, it's a problem in the first place, but even if there are questions about how they are elsewhere and what patterns are most common, it's probably impossible to ignore what the mother-in-law (bosomori-sama) in front of you actually thinks.

That doesn't mean you should follow your mother-in-law. It means that it is necessary to check your mother-in-law's thoughts and temple policies beforehand, communicate your thoughts in some cases, and be able to cooperate and proceed with matters based on mutual understanding.

This time it was a funeral, and they were probably flustered because they weren't used to it yet. But it was probably because it was such a unique opportunity that my mother-in-law wanted to behave without being rude as a temple.

Of course, I don't think there is any problem with your mother-in-law's words and actions that I hear from you.
However, it is probably true that you must continue to get along well with that person in the future. It's not a good idea to have information from other monks here as a weapon to fight against your mother-in-law.

You may refer to other opinions, but it is important to establish a relationship where you and your mother-in-law can discuss it.

When you enter the inside of a temple, you may often feel sorry that it is more muddy than you can imagine, or that there are old customs. You may also be swayed by secular matters that contradict the teachings of Buddhism, like this one.

However, please don't dislike Buddhism itself because of that, and I hope they will acquire the knowledge, patience, and means to do secular things well in order to cherish Buddhism.

Please discuss your mother's care with your husband and take full care of it. Also, please search for balance in your relationship with your mother-in-law while consulting well with your husband and temple executives.

If you get married from home, you may certainly not be able to understand the customs of the temple world well, but it is a world that has been nurtured by sects, regions, customs, etc. over a long period of time. Even within the same denomination, it's common to wonder if it's so different if the region changes.
There may be many cases where people pass by without knowing, and there may also be many cases where they are being very disrespectful.
Here, when you enter a village, follow your hometown. Naturally, you will be dealing with many temple people from now on, so there is no choice but to study with the deputy chief priest as well.
I don't really understand the common sense of a temple, but that is probably what a temple is.

I think it's true that some mothers-in-law and parishioners actually care about it.
If there are people who actually feel uncomfortable, it is currently time to take measures to prevent it.
Temples are religious corporations, right?
The members of a religious corporation are, first of all, parishioners. Monks and temple families (the family of the chief priest) are also in the position of executives and employees, but they are still part of the believers.
Since members of the religious corporation take center stage at the funeral of the chief priest, it is still necessary to be careful when people who are not members appear there.
If the singer's mother appeared in the middle of the stage of the Kohaku Uta Gassen and sang shoulder to shoulder with Akiko Wada, and if “Have a good year, everyone,” viewers would say “who are you” and “you stand out too much.”
It's the same as that.
People other than members are attending events for members of religious corporations. It's like an extra.
Movies can't be made without extras, but if extras stand out as leading roles, the director will probably get mad at you.

My wife's family is at the bottom of 1
＞
It certainly doesn't feel good to be told this way. My husband, the chief priest, has passed away, and although sad, we must properly attend the funeral. Under those circumstances, I had something to worry about, so I think I was frustrated.

Originally, the person who should pay the most attention to this point is probably the deputy chief priest who is the mourner. However, when the chief priest dies, they are often busy dealing with temples, so I think there are many things I don't care about.
In that case, I think I have no choice but to entrust the difference to my mother, who is a monk. I think you've been busy as a wife, too. I'm busy, but in advance, “Where should I let my relatives sit?” I think it would have been better if I talked to my mother-in-law.

Generally, when the head of the household of that house dies, when attending the funeral, the seating order will generally be as follows, isn't it? I think it's common to think of it in order from the one with the closest blood connection to the deceased.

1. Mourner (husband)
2. Mother-in-law
3. The mourner's wife and children
4. The mourner's siblings and their families
5. The deceased's siblings
6. Mother-in-law's brother
7. Deceased's cousin
8. The nephew and niece of the deceased's mother-in-law

I'm not impressed by my mother-in-law's way of saying “bottom,” but considering how close and far the blood relationship is, it's hard to think of it as being in a position that is too far ahead. At funerals, the blood relationships of those who have died change from time to time. I think your mother was in a far position in terms of blood relationship among your relatives at this funeral. However, you thought about your daughter and helped me in a lot of ways. I'm thankful for that. However, even if they were to help, I think they would have to work hard behind the scenes. It's not wise to stand out too much.

I think it would be uncomfortable if they said “crackle.” However, it is also necessary to explain where you stand and read the atmosphere about how you should behave among the gathered relatives. Even if I say the same thing, I think my mother-in-law should have pointed it out after expressing my gratitude and gratitude for her help.

There are many things you don't understand about funerals until you've experienced them. Aside from my mother-in-law's way of saying things, let's apologize for what I didn't know for now. I think my father-in-law's memorial service will continue in the future. Right now, “Please tell me for the future as well.” Let's treat them with that feeling. At the same time, my husband also said, “You have to be the most careful.” Let's stick a nail in.

It's just a personal opinion, but if it's something like carelessness that isn't malicious, I would personally call them later and say, “This has to be done, I want you to do it this way.” It's probably going to be conveyed like that.
Far from being completely unnecessary to use provocative words, it actually lowers our dignity this time around.
Even in temples, I think there are ways for single adults and members of society to socialize and treat each other.

Let's take a positive view that this time was a learning experience.