I want to commit suicide and make my parents regret it

I'm currently a college student, and I'm living with my mother, who is related by blood, and her remarriage partner.
I started this life when I was in the upper grades of elementary school.
At first, I was able to live that life without any hardships, but gradually it became difficult to live at home.
What became decisive was summer vacation in the first year of middle school. I was thinking of getting help with my home economics homework, but we got into a fight, so I thought my grandmother would help me with that homework, so I was working on it together with my grandmother. When I finished my homework and got home, my stepfather was in a bad mood, and the reason was, “Why can't I do my homework at my house?” At that time, I already had feelings of dislike, but it was a time when I was able to deal with them normally, but when I was closed for the day, I stopped talking at all.

Three days ago, college textbooks etc. arrived at my house, and I was organizing them while watching TV in the living room to organize them after dinner.
Then, all of a sudden, he said, “Obstruction. I was kicked all over the chair I was sitting on, saying, “Do it in my room.” Of course, I'm not doing anything other than organizing textbooks, and it's not blocking the aisle. It's not like I did anything before organizing.
My mother apologized and said, “○○ is number one.”
Honestly, if they say that, I would like them to break up right away. Besides, “We won't break up after all. I'm important too, but it's important there too.” After all, the most important thing is my mother herself, and I think she just doesn't want to lose anything.
I don't understand at all why I have to live in my own house so nerve-racking for people who come later.
I've thought many times about killing my stepfather myself. If I just do that, I'll stand on the same playing field as my stepfather, and it's against the law. It just makes it extra difficult for me to live.
If that's the case, I'd like to make myself regret it when I die. My mother will surely regret it, but I don't know what my stepfather thinks. However, at least I think it will be harder to live.
All the people around me are nice people, so I think that's all the more so.

I am seriously aware that it will cause at least some inconvenience to such people.

But I really don't know how to feel comfortable other than committing suicide.

4 Zen Responses

Don't let your precious heart be misled and don't lose sight of yourself.

Nice to meet you, good morning.

Anger not only takes away yourself... the warm places and arranged spaces around you, but it also makes you lose sight of yourself and makes it difficult to see your surroundings.

Why don't you stop and take a look? Our bodies are proof not only of our many lives, but also of our thoughts, the feelings that were entrusted to us, and the survival of our ancestors who have overcome various trials over and over again. The probability of being born as a human being is hundreds of times that of winning a lottery ticket overlapped, and we were born in an even more relatively well-balanced country.

Rather than lamenting the sad words that say if you don't give birth... it's better not to have me... rather than grimace, I suddenly think about future events that aren't in the past or haven't come, so it becomes anxiety and worry. We're living in this once-in-a-lifetime moment, not even that future. These words are words that my girlfriend, who was lost in the earthquake, desperately tried to rescue me with unrequited love as I continued to walk in the hopelessness of the past.

Each person has issues assigned to them, and those inherited from their ancestors also have a role after the future. In the midst of painful and painful events, good things always happen from time to time. That's why it leads to thank-you and thank-you. A life that doesn't go the way I expected... even though I'm 46 years old, I experienced it more strongly than anyone else. I once gave in to despair, lost sight of something important, and even took my life. I was revived, and I hated my grudge... there were times when I thought there was no god or Buddha. It broadened my thoughts and horizons, and made me aware of a life where I was complaining and dissatisfied. What I see and think has changed, and I have honestly come to think that everything in front of me is not taken for granted, and the number of words saying thank you has increased. The enemy is the teacher. We also learn a lot from our enemies, and if you keep hitting stones of anger, you won't be able to calm your mind. Whether you hate them or hate them, they won't change to your parents. They raised me, so I have it now. You can change your life, your destiny, and yourself as much as you want. You don't change your enemies; you change yourself. Sometimes, you also need the courage to forgive. Why don't you spend time with a nice smile because it's a difficult time without trying to clean up problems all at once, don't try to get results right away? This problem doesn't stop there and it starts moving forward. Please come here when you don't feel like it. I pray that you will enjoy drawing the adventure trip called life in your own way. Gassho

Your thoughts make those around you sad

Hello, nice to meet you.

It looks like various thoughts are intersecting.
My painful feelings are conveyed through the text.

My stepfather's behavior a few days ago was pretty aggressive, wasn't it?
I'm sure you're feeling outraged by the complicated situation you've spent time with elementary and middle school, as if they were going to hunt them down. It's not unreasonable.

While you are disgusted with your stepfather, you seem to feel absurd by your mother. I think my unruly attitude towards my stepfather and you is true that “after all, the most important thing is my mother herself, and she just doesn't want to lose anything.” It is also an unavoidable choice that comes from financial weakness, it is also an excuse for people who have made the father-son relationship fail, and it may also be an indecisive weakness of mind that cannot make a choice. I think there's a good reason why you're frustrated.

Have you ever read the famous “Hamlet”?
Instead of my biological father who was murdered, my stepfather remarries my real mother and usurped the throne. Prince Hamlet naturally causes hatred for his stepfather, but he also has feelings that his mother, who is happy and adapts to the life where her husband has changed so easily, can't handle it. Then he mutters to himself, “Weak person, your name is a woman.”

This word is a lament not limited to men and women, but also to those who easily change their minds.
I lament to the mother who did not grieve over the sad death of her former husband and put the child she should be most concerned about in second place.

However, Hamlet's end was a tragedy.
Hamlet dies her stepfather, who is the enemy of her biological father. However, she saw through that there was poison in the sake that was served just before that (the stepfather had mixed it), and the mother ended her life by daring to smoke that alcohol in order to protect her son.

It's a tragedy involving all the people who wanted revenge, the people who were the target of that revenge, families, lovers (Ophelia), vassals, friends (Horayshaw), and the public. For this, let's push the “good people” around you to make them feel greatly sad and suffer, even if you take the method of suicide by “I want to make myself die and regret it.”

You are on the verge of leaving society.
Please expand your perspective on relationships not only between stepfather and mother from now on.

Take care of yourself

I read it.
I understand your anger, hate, sorrow, and murderous intent. I also think it's unavoidable for you to think so.

Nonetheless, let go of your anger, hatred, resentment, and murderous intent; please let go. Then move on to your future.
You will always live without being independent of your parents.
You really are an irreplaceable person. Please take care of your future and your life!

Anger, hate, resentment, and murderous intent will never save you, nor will it make you feel comfortable. If you let go of anger, hatred, resentment, and murderous intent, you will surely be able to live a rich and happy life.

I sincerely pray for your precious life.

It's really painful.

Your suffering has been conveyed.

In the current situation
It's probably not going to be possible right away
Why don't you do the math to leave the house?
Living alone
If it's financially difficult
I think universities and the government will accept consultations.

If it's about to die
After becoming splendid and looking back at my father-in-law
Let's completely ignore it.

← all dialogues ← previous next →