Maybe it wasn't suitable for marriage

Half a year has passed since I got married and started living with my husband. I'm worried that maybe I shouldn't have gotten married.

Originally, I had little desire for marriage, childbirth, and childcare, and when my husband proposed to me, I inwardly thought it was disrespectful.
This is because I was living a very fulfilling day at the time, and I thought it would be nice if I could continue living like this for a long time.
I think getting married is about spending my time and heart for my partner, but I loved my husband without making that much determination, so I got married.

And, after all, it's kind of cramped right now.
The other day, my husband told me “I want to have children soon.” My answer is “I'm afraid to give birth, and I don't know if I want one in the first place.”
Looking at other families, I don't feel like I want to have children with my husband so far. When people talk about how fun it was to play with my friend's kids, etc., I wonder if it's an allusion to me because I couldn't say that I wanted children.

Other than that, I'm in a state where I'm not good at the marriage that my husband envisions, such as night activities and acquaintance relationships, etc., and I'm very sorry, and I think I want to change it, but I also don't want to change just for my husband. I don't want to be robbed of time and effort to make changes, and I don't think my husband is putting in the same amount of effort.

My husband has always been kind, but he isn't satisfied with what I say and says, “I can't help it, so I'll put up with it.”

If I wasn't the kind of person I could love people, I thought my marriage was a mistake, and even though I know I'm making myself unhappy with my husband, I can't get out of that thought.
If you have any suggestions for a better way to change your mindset.

2 Zen Responses

If you're not happy, you can't make others happy

It is written that Yuina was fulfilled when she was proposed by her partner, and she thought it would be nice if that situation continued. What was the state like? Why can't we continue this state of affairs after marriage?
There are also people who continue to pursue their dreams even after getting married. However, by getting married, women will inevitably be forced to bear the burden. There are also companies with unreasonable working conditions if you are single, even if you can work but if you get married and don't retire. What should I do to return to a life where I feel fulfilled like before?
If people aren't happy themselves, they can't make others happy. There are people who feel that it is a burden when they have made a lot of sacrifices, but on the contrary, there are also people who feel happy about it. Today, Yuina feels burdened by living up to her partner's wishes. First, think about what you can do to live a fulfilling life, even if you're not in the same state as before. If Yuina lives laughing, she can make her partner happy even at some cost.

Follow your heart, but there are risks.

Hello, Yuina. I think we already have an answer. It is speculated that people around you don't seem to have trouble with it anymore. Wouldn't it be better for both your husband and Yuina to be happy if you honestly follow your own heart? Also, if there is someone you can love over the years, you should remarry, and if you want to be alone, I think you should spend time alone. The Buddha abandoned the rank of prince and separated from his wife and children to practice ascetic practices. I'm sure there are things humans can't solve at all.
But keep in mind that there are risks. I don't dare write about that risk, but please think carefully and walk your own path. I'm praying for happiness for both of them.

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