I feel embarrassed to be alive

Hayabusa2002

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

If your grandmother were still alive, I know that she would never feel bad about you no matter what, and she would always love, worry, and watch over you. I'm sure that won't change even after he passes away. Much of your current suffering has been created by yourself, and in the midst of being caught up in regrets and burdens, it seems that there are places where it overlaps slightly with my current position and circumstances, so I think it is suffering. If you suffer like that, I'm sure your grandmother will be sad.

Anyway, if I were able to think of the fact that I was kept alive, my gratitude to all those who nurtured, blessed, and loved me, including my grandmother, and then my sense of recompassion, I'm sure the suffering you have will surely move towards relief.

In Buddhism, there is an important legal principle called “sky and luck.” By understanding the “wisdom” of “the sky,” it is important to let go of obsession and captivity, and to work on good deeds by raising feelings of gratitude, reward, and mercy through understanding good fortune. I think it's quite possible to arouse a sense of gratitude and retribution that seems to have already been noticed. Furthermore, it is important in Buddhism to exert that target on all sentient beings who are lost and suffer, and I think they are now aware of the important aspects that occurred in the previous stage.

In the understanding of “sky,” the suffering, regrets, and liabilities you have now has no substance (even though there is no substance, it does not mean that suffering will go away with just that much understanding. There is certainly suffering), but it is nothing more than a trap due to delusional understanding created by oneself, and of course it is not something that lasts forever, and it is something that can change in any way depending on your actions in various “relationships” in the future. Utilizing this awareness, I know it will be important to be able to deepen my sense of gratitude even a little from now on, and accumulate rewards that I couldn't give to my grandmother through the practice of good virtue directed at everyone around me.

I would be happy if it would help ease your suffering at least a little bit.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Nice to meet you, my name is Urakami.
There is no way that “what kind of feeling is the correct answer” can be said to me, etc., and I think it is something that each person must hold onto.

There is a story in Buddhist scripture about Prince Ajase who killed his father and came to the throne.
Prince Ajase eventually becomes fearful and frightened by the crime he has committed, and falls seriously ill.
Ministers who are in a good mood say “don't worry,” but Ajase's illness isn't getting better.
However, the doctor Giba responds to Ajase, who regrets her own sins, with the words “Good, Good,” in the title.

Here's a slight translation... “If you're alive, you'll always do bad things. However, it is precious to cause a sense of shame at that time. Shame is deep remorse from the bottom of the heart. Those who aren't ashamed can't be called people, and now you're ashamed. This shame will lead you to grow as a person.”

It seems that families of those who died after being sick for a long time still have suffering like Hayabusa2002. But it is an important suffering for you.
Please don't cheat or forget to hold onto it. And when I learned something from that suffering, I think my grandmother really worked as a Buddha.

Nice to meet you, my name is Hirofumi Inoue.

I couldn't even return the favor to my grandmother, and it is said that she reached the end of her grandmother while having a bad feeling, and she still feels embarrassed about living even now, but I feel the purity of Hayabusa2002's heart, which makes me feel that kind of feeling. I'm sure they will be bothered so much because they have a beautiful and honest heart.

Now, let me talk about the memorial service.

When you think of a memorial service, you might imagine reading sutras, praising nembutsu, and handing flowers and incense sticks.
Of course, these are also important memorial services.

My grandmother has always cared about Hayabusa2002 from the rest of the world. You may feel that your precious grandchild is suffering because of yourself, and it may be a painful feeling.

If you look up the character for “memorial service,” it seems that it also has the meaning of “serving that person.” In other words, “do something for that person.”

Doing something that makes your grandmother happy is a memorial service.

If you live every day with a smile, your grandmother in the afterlife will smile too.

Hayabusa2002 must have suffered more than enough.
How you live from now on will determine how you live until now.

You can stop regretting it and look forward to tomorrow.

Hello hayabusa2002.
It's been quite a few months and days, how are you?

Someone said that humans are creatures that create stories...
Also, they say they are living things that talk.
It's been six months since Hayabusa2002 asked the question. What kind of stories are they creating? Are you telling that story to anyone?

Looks like your grandmother was telling you the story too.
For example, if you have dementia, there may have been a time when you suddenly woke up. While half of the mind and body were on the Achila side, they probably placed half on this side for you.
But I've already gone to Achira's side. You won't be able to try to communicate anymore. However, how about if you think about it that they are still watching over it now?

“They say they can't face it. Something like this. Looks like work isn't going well. I'm sorry.”
Is it conceivable that our ancestors were happy with such a situation?
“Don't do it too hard. do your best. Stay well”
It must have encouraged me.

Life is full of mountains and valleys.
A nice view if you climb the mountain. The bottom of the valley is dark and Ayyada. But if you go down, all you have to do is climb up.
Also, climbing and descending are difficult. Take care, step by step.
Furthermore, the mountain path you climb, the mountain path you go down, the summit, and the valley are all “nice” scenery.

They (women) aren't there when they want them to be there.
I didn't leave you with a “problem that will cause you to suffer” as a souvenir...
As neighbors, I'm by your side, and we're solving problems together. I was worried about what to do... and they came to Hasunoha for a consultation. I think they are also doing various activities in real life. That's it.

These are the words of the poet Rainer Maria Rilke.
“I think the dead will leave the various things they started to the people who survived after themselves as issues that they could continue to do if these people had even some internal connection.”
I must have been internally connected to my grandmother. That's why it's painful.
However, that is why it is an issue that can be completed, and I think it is also proof of the bereaved family.
Don't you feel like a neighbor?