I'm afraid I'm about to commit suicide.

I want to die like that. The real intention is “I want to live,” “I want to be happy,” and “I want to escape suffering.” You think about that when you're negative, don't you think? I understand.
If you think about how to be saved and pursue it, you will arrive at Zen after all.

Face the essence of things and stick to that truth. And when it becomes easier, spread that good thing to everyone. Even if you don't attain enlightenment, once you understand it, it will definitely be easier.

It felt easier for me too.
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I read it. I understand your feelings very well. You probably think that you can't get that thought out of your head. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
It's actually quite common for people to think that in our lives. The fact that we are alive itself is also inherently miraculous. Living and dying under such circumstances is actually always right in front of us, and we live every day.
I also think that watching trains and even going to the platform is probably very tough for you now. If possible, I would like you to rest your mind right now.
There may be school and part-time jobs, but why don't you relax your tension a little bit? You might think I have to go sometime, but I'm not in such a hurry.
As you probably know, life has a long way to go. There's no rush to live now.
Try adjusting your breathing by taking slow, deep breaths. Also, please try to relax the tension in your heart and make room.

Eventually, your mind will calm down, and eventually you'll be able to get on the train, go to school, and work part-time without any resistance.

I sincerely pray that your mind will be at ease, that you will have a fulfilling study, and that you will be able to deal with your part-time job appropriately.

Thank you for writing about your painful feelings.

When you catch a cold or have a fever, you take a break, take cold medicine, drink ginger water, and wait for recovery.

Just as our heart catches colds, there are times when we get sick.

I was reading the sentence, and I felt that it was quite difficult to fix it with my feelings and way of thinking.

I think it would be better to see a psychosomatic medicine doctor and take firm measures.

Even if you rely on spiritual theory or gods and Buddhas you don't even believe in yet, it may not be a solution.

When my teeth hurt a lot, I can't get into my head even if I take a toothbrush course.

First, I think it's better to go to a hospital to get rid of that pain once and for all.

Psychosomatic medicine is now a popular medical subject.

First,
We recommend that you see a doctor as soon as possible.

Gassho

Yotsuba-sama

Recently, despite being blessed at first glance (conversely, I want to finish it while I think I'm blessed and happy), I think there are a lot of suicidal thoughts around here.

Of course, living is tough, difficult, and painful for everyone, but it also seems that there is something involved in not wanting to be more difficult, not wanting to be difficult, and not wanting to be painful.

However, take it easy to say that there will definitely be good things going on, you'll be happier, etc., and you won't be able to believe it at first. Also, there are things that no one can guarantee.

So, it's about how to respond in terms of Buddhism,

After all, it is a place where people must understand karma (karma) and reincarnation.

Even if you end your current life easily, your next destination and place of birth will be determined by your career (karma) (from past lives, of course, in this life), so of course, depending on the state of that karma (karma), you will continue to suffer in the same way as a person, or you may suffer rather than being born into a worse situation than a person. Of course, there are cases where people are born in a better state than humans, in heaven or pure land, but in order to do so, a good state of karma (karma) is necessary.

Therefore, in Buddhism, it is a place where it is required to make effective use of this life as effectively as possible, to walk a certain Buddha path, smoothly adjust karma (karma), and accumulate resources for wisdom and good virtue in order to move towards a better state as possible.

I hope you will take this opportunity to learn about Buddhism.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho