I decided to live with my mom's boyfriend

Thank you very much for watching.

About a month ago, my mother introduced me to an old man I am currently dating (my mother). We've been dating for 2 months.
That's fine, but the problem is that they decided to live together a few days later.

An old man I met a few days ago lives in this small apartment. I don't like that fact alone, but since he's my mother's boyfriend, I'm making an effort to accept it. However, the following things about my boyfriend are hard to accept.

My words take my butt off and make you laugh.
She also talks about her previous sexual experiences during the meal.
She seems to be listening to my complaints from my mother, and she preaches to me even though she doesn't understand the truth.
Also, considering various issues, I've been a vegetarian since this year, but I'm speaking critically about this.

When it became too painful, I ran away to my room and argued against it, but my mother blamed me for that.
Today, I cried and told my mother that I couldn't bear these realities, but she said, “I don't know what's wrong, you're just nervous.”

I can't get out financially.
My mother's egocentric behavior is nothing other than obsession, but the fact that I don't like my mom's bad habits and that I don't like living together because he's an old man I've just met may also be an obsession.
Please lend me your wisdom on what kind of heart I should have to accept my mother's boyfriend.
If possible, I'd like you to tell me how you feel about your boyfriend's bad habits.

Finally, I'm wondering if I should run away from home for the next week or so.
It's my first time running away from home, but I'm prepared.
It's so cowardly to write it after this, but I also did bad things to my mom's boyfriend.
When my boyfriend's bad habit got stronger, it exploded and scratched my head while saying, “Stop it already! Come on! I don't want to be bothered or upset!” I ended up screaming. I understand that I'm no less immature.
I feel that my (immature) status quo (which is a high hurdle for me now) is the same as waiting to starve to death without eating anything.
There is no such thing. I don't have any money, so I'm having trouble sleeping and eating, but I'm thinking of doing a kind of ascetic practice without sleeping or eating with money to buy drinking water and the Buddha's book in one hand. As early as tomorrow.
If you have a hard time even for a week, you may truly understand how grateful your family and parents are.

4 Zen Responses

Your reaction is natural.

Hello to Yan-san

It's natural that you don't like your mom's boyfriend. That's because you're an adolescent. Normally, there is a distance where even fathers want to stay away from men, but it would be difficult in an apartment. I'm worried about my mother's response, but there may also be a reality where we have to live together.
There is time for you to accept your old man as your new father, so keep your distance as much as possible even though it's a small apartment. Please don't overdo it and respond as an adult. Your uncle may be talking to you in an attempt to somehow be liked by you.
Please don't be alone without your mother for a while. It's not that I don't believe them, but it takes time to gain their trust. If you get even the slightest sexual response, raise your voice right away and run away.

Are you a student? Don't run away from home. There is a facility to protect you when you think you have to leave the house. Please run in there. You can look it up on the internet.
Do you have friends who are going to stay at a friend's house for fun?
If you want to stay at a temple for a while and practice ascetic practices, there are also temples that accept ascetic lodging. You can also stay for training at my temple, so please contact me. It's important to talk to your mom first. Gassho

○Reconsider
That was great.
I think there are many things in life, but please don't give in to it and move forward positively. In a little while, a life where you can become independent from your parents will begin. Please make an effort by aiming for that as a preparation period. If you have any problems, an adult nearby should be your counselor. Of course, hasunoha is fine. Please don't just choose a reckless way to live. We clap hands.

Understanding is caring for each other

Good evening, Yansan
My name is Masamoto Takeda from Fumonin. Please go ahead.

What I saw and felt was that you are a wonderful person who can think about things around you.

I think the attitude of trying to somehow understand even when there is misinformation about the red stranger that suddenly appeared, and the ambition to somehow fix one's own shortcomings is something we should learn.

Accepting is very difficult if your partner doesn't accept it either, and I feel in writing that your boyfriend thinks you're just a child. However, it may be that your boyfriend is also going around idle trying to communicate with you.

Why don't you tell your mother in writing instead of words? Words tend to be emotional, but in writing, they become objective, and you may be able to take care of your suffering.

Also, this is personal, but even though I have run away from home, I know that it would be disrespectful to you who doesn't even know your face, but I'm really worried...
Child welfare facilities and child counseling centers (under 18) Tel189
It seems that there are also shelters for children (18 and over allowed).
It's the same Tokyo, so I'd be happy to help if I could

Let's be patient at home!

I think your concerns are valid. A man unknown to young women
It's only natural that they suddenly show up and live together and find it difficult to accept.
Even parents and children who have lived together for many years can feel very stifling when they are in the same space.
If it's Red's Stranger, it's even better. I'm sorry to be angry.
The mother is free to go out with whoever she wants, but she wants to do it without permission outside,
I don't think anything will roll into a cramped place.
If you're going to live together, do sufficient root management beforehand and have a house where you can ensure some privacy
You should secure it and then start living together. Strongly objection to cohabitation like this one
I will use scissors. I wonder what good adults are doing.
Also, I had a terribly rough impression, such as obscene stories and boring sermons.
If I were in his position, I'd wait for you to become independent.
But stop running away from home. You should never do it. I don't have any money, whether it's a week or not,
If you walk aimlessly through the town, you'll definitely feel even worse about what exactly will happen.
I don't have that kind of thought in ascetic practice or anything. You won't even get a sense of accomplishment.
It simply leaves only irreparable discomfort. You should definitely stop it.
First, save money by working part-time, the minimum is 500,000 yen, 40,000 to 50,000 without the need for a guarantor
It would be nice if I left the house with everything I needed to live. Patience until then.
If you live on your own, you'll understand how grateful you are to be living in the true sense of the word.
Also, the meaning of working.
There are times when you have to be patient when there's nothing you can do about it.
Patience may be your training.
That is, until I save some money and leave the house.
Please do your best!!
I wholeheartedly support your happiness.
PostScript
I'm always ready to discuss it with you. Please don't hesitate. You're not particularly nervous. He is a calm person.
They also have a high ability to think, and can be a great person looking forward to the future.
It's fine! Please feel free to contact us again. You seem to be interested in Buddhism again. I'm thankful for that. Thank you very much.

Why don't you go to your grandparents' house

It's very dangerous to live alone on the street in the city.
It may be irretrievable.
Buddha began his ascetic practice when he was 29 years old.
I think you're still early.
If you really want to leave home, why not go to your grandparents' house?
Or, if not dangerous, father or older brother, or paternal grandparents.
If you have friends, go to your friend's house.
In the past, it seems that people sometimes hide themselves in temples to the extent that there is a term for rushing in, but in modern times, if you do such a thing, the temple is likely to be sued for kidnapping, and you may not be able to do it, but depending on the temple, there may be places where you can stay.
Please make sure you don't live on the street and don't be fooled by people who seem kind to follow you.

If it were the Buddha, I think I would tell you to endure it.
The Buddha's teaching is to control one's own mind. It also includes enduring.
While meditating, Buddha was attacked by various devil words and emotions, but he endured them and came to his memory.
I also want you to endure your mother's words from him.
I think there was a saying in the Buddha's teachings that contempt or praise from people other than excellent people is not worth listening to.
Then, I started working, and I want them to leave the nest well from home.

If you think I've said too much to my mom's boyfriend, I think it's awkward, but let's honestly apologize for saying too much, I'm sorry.

You have anger against him in your heart.
Anger is poison.
Anger is fire.
First, as a Buddhist practice, work on getting rid of your own anger like a snake shedding its skin.
Please, thank you for your support.

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