I want to die because I have nothing I want to do when I'm alive, and I have no hope for the future

To work is to do something you don't want to do and receive money from the world.
While you're doing things you don't want to do, you'll eventually learn what true joy is.
People can “live” only from there.
So you haven't been born social yet. There's no reason why something that wasn't born could die. If you want to die, be born first.
Go out into society, struggle to be alone, and experience the kindness of people.
If you do that, you'll be able to see what kind of death you want to show.
If you can see it, live a way of life appropriate to the way you died.
There are far more people who survive than those who commit suicide. I wonder why.

That's because I didn't throw my life away.

Hello, Ganmodoki-san.

You don't like living now, do you? It's painful not to have a purpose in life. But if you don't understand the importance of life, you won't be born with a purpose. After all, death is always waiting for us in 100 years. Even if you don't hurry, you'll always die. It's not too late to use up your precious time now. Don't you think so?

If you have time to do nothing right now, go to the world and listen. I think it would be nice if I went to India where Buddha was born. Also, please volunteer in the slum where Mother Teresa played an active role. There are lots of people waiting for your cooperation. Life can only be understood by knowing death. You'll be able to experience the experience of not being able to say you want to die. Death is an even more painful experience than life.

People rarely encounter death in Japan today. What I am most thankful for when I became a monk is that I was able to experience many deaths through funerals. I was able to know my own death by looking at dead people. I think I too will die someday. That's why I want to live as long as possible and dedicate my life to people. Also, I want to meet the Buddha in the other world, so I'm working as a monk. Gassho

When I was 18, I was constantly playing motorbikes and karaoke.
I didn't have any problems.
Having no worries means “not even leading to trouble.”
I wasn't thinking about anything.
It's so embarrassing.

Compared to that, Ganmodoki is a kind-hearted young man.
The environment and state of mind will change rapidly from now on.
Various activities are impermanent, and it is impossible for them to stay the same as they are now.
I'm old enough to wait for that time to come.
Let's not get too bogged down.

However, I think it's better to talk to your parents about your current state of mind and talk to them.
Parents always care about their children unconditionally.
Parents raise their children, and children depend on their parents.
I think that's a proper parent and child.

They say they can't find what they want to do or what they want to achieve now and in the future, and furthermore, they can't even feel the meaning of being alive.

However, before, there were things you wanted to do and things you wanted to achieve...
For that reason, they were excited to “aim to pass the school of their choice,” and they also made up their mind to go to a prep school...

I found something I really wanted to do, and even though I was about to take a step towards that goal, “is it something I really want to do?” You can't stop thinking about things like “it's impossible for me” or “if you think about it carefully, you don't have to do anything else”...

Don't get lost about what you want to do, saying “whether it has meaning,” “it's inappropriate,” or “it's better to do it, you don't have to do it.”

There is a phrase called “omission (omission)” in Zen, and there is a phrase “forget the dualistic idea of putting good and evil, black and white on things, free yourself from hesitation, and accept your honest feelings as they are.”

In other words, if there's something you want to do before you think about it with your head, I think it's more important than anything else to honestly move forward with that feeling.

If you don't try to proceed
Nothing starts, nothing is found.

I also jumped into the current world of monks because I wanted to do it.
However, when I first started doing it, I was like, “Was it a job I really wanted to do? You didn't want to do it, did you?” “This job isn't for you, is it?” I was moving forward even though I thought about it.

As I progressed, I realized that it was still not for me.
However, even if it's an unsuitable job, you should find something worthwhile (hasunoha is one of them) or goals, think “it's my vocation,” and shine in your own way in the place you've been given.

Things you want to achieve or goals come up every time you clear what is in front of you one by one.
Therefore, it's okay if you don't have any goals or what you want to achieve by making a difference.
At any rate, you should try again to do what you've always wanted to do.

You've been worried enough about your present and future, your reason for living, feeling sorry for your parents if it's the way you are... to the point where you want to die
Isn't that living the reason for living?

Ganmodoki-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

“Escape reality by surfing the internet every day”...

It's not an escape from reality; surfing the internet is probably something you want to do.

The internet is truly revolutionizing many aspects.

By all means, consider starting a venture or startup business, mainly using the internet, for example, making it easier to use and more convenient. And I think we'll eventually be able to see what needs to be done to do that.

Aim for the future of Zuckerberg, by all means.

Then, when they succeeded and became very rich, they contributed by donating a large amount of money to Hasunoha. We look forward to that day.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho