Taking care of my mother became stupid

Excuse me for the long post.
Every time my mom talks about me to others, it only seems like she's speaking ill of me.
From when we originally lived together, they only complained about the housework I did, so I often dared to abandon them. (I was doing basic housework)
“I would be depressed if I were with you! I'm about to get sick!” They kept saying things like that, but they didn't respond and ignored this.
There were days when if I was in a good mood, they would talk to me in an annoying way.
I recently had a serious illness and am living in the hospital.
However, the hospital staff said, “You've been too spoiled by your mother until now.
You just slept after the night shift, right?
Once your mom is out of the hospital, don't be spoiled.” I was told something like that.
I felt so embarrassed and sad.
There were many night shifts due to lack of personnel, and I asked my husband and mother to take care of my children, and sometimes I slept after the night shift, but I did as much housework as possible.
I felt misunderstood that I was sleeping in my room without doing housework, and I didn't like it.
My younger brother (single: far away) seemed to think he was living off his mother's money.
I've never seen my mother's passbook until now, and it seemed that my misunderstanding was resolved when I explained that she was managing her passbook for the first time since she was hospitalized.
I am mostly responsible for taking care of my mother while she is in the hospital. For the time being, my husband is also helping me.
The hospital is far away, and if you don't take a break from work and go meet and listen to the teacher's explanation, you won't be able to make it in time for the evening, so you'll inevitably get tired and your salary will decrease.
Recently, my brother came to visit my mother.
I don't know what they said, but the conversation probably went wrong and my mother was happy too.
However, on LINE to me after my brother got home, he said, “It's no good if you snuggle up to your mom properly and leave the housework to him when you leave the hospital. Don't scold me. The content was like, “My older sister is a nurse, so you understand.”
I was really sad to wonder why my younger brother, who lives far away and can't do anything, has to say something like looking at me from above... I think my little brother is worried.
What the hell was my mom talking about? I even doubted that.
I didn't want to take care of my mother anymore, and I wanted her not to leave the hospital.
I don't know how I should feel about taking care of my mother from now on...

4 Zen Responses

Eri
Nice to meet you.
You've been working really hard at work, housework, nursing your mother, etc., thank you for your hard work.

You mean you were taking care of your mother this time, and it made you feel kind of stupid.

I can endure the words of my mother's hospital staff and my brother's LINE.
If you imagine it, “What the hell is my mother talking about to others? What's behind it?” It also seems like it would make me feel distrustful.

However, when I saw it from my point of view, the staff and younger brother were similar types, and I felt a bit modest.
I really don't feel like I can cross that line. When it comes to the reason for being cheap, I think it's because Eri has an “easy to talk about” atmosphere.

So what should I do to stop people from being told?

You can prevent it by increasing the adult “A” in your egogram.
Eri is a nurse, so I'm sure you know exchange analysis.
If you stay cool, resolute, and imposing, it will be difficult for people to say unnecessary words, etc.

Also, I looked at her profile, but isn't Eri's assignment written in my worries? I thought so.

I feel like learning “assertions” is the shortest way to overcome them. Noriko Hiraki's books are famous, but comics are also available, and I think courses and seminars are good too.

Eri is also busy doing housework. You are doing your best.
No matter what others say.
It's OK to cry when you're sad.
Let's cry to our heart's content and feel refreshed.
It's hot and I'm tired, so
Pamper yourself once in a while,
Why don't you do what you love?
Now it's summer festival, ice cream, watermelon,
Wind chimes... try arranging cool flowers
Don't forget to change your mind

If you have any questions, please use Zoom as well.
When it's Zoom, Eri's the best
I'm on your side, so feel free

If you get stuck, please come to Hasunoha anytime.

Take care of yourself. Don't overdo it and do what you can. That's fine

I also read my profile. You've been able to balance work while raising children, and you're doing your best. While worrying about your mother, I think you won't be able to rest your mind. At times like this, let's take care of ourselves.

People around you don't want to say bossy things even though they don't know the situation you're in or the burden placed on you. If you don't preach even though you don't know anything, it's frustrating and makes you want to cry.

Just because I'm a nurse, I don't want them to take things for granted, and if I work all night and lie down to rest my body, I'm too spoiled by my parents?
Whip the body, turn the meat into powder, do everything...
I feel like I can't do it, wondering why people around me have to blame me.

Do you think they're people who don't do anything? Does the mother want to protect herself by blaming her daughter that much?
Being hurt by my family... it's okay to prioritize myself now, right? I want to make a declaration, right?

It's easy to say whatever people around you like, but when they say it, you're being driven more and more, right?
It's a daily repetition, so I'm sure you've supported me during the hardest times.

The text also conveys that they are exhausted.
Thank you so much for your family and mom every day.
It's fine if you do what you can. Let's all support each other. I want to support you too. Please come to Hasunoha for a day off. Please calm your mind by talking like this.

The mother probably got sick and thinks she should be treated with the kindest love. They may be exaggerating about your complaints (maybe your mother's selfishness) without even noticing that they are driving you.

That's because both I and the Buddha know very well that you're working hard. Thank you so much for your family.
Please take care of yourself. Don't overdo it, let's do what we can. That's fine.

Wait for suffering (irritation)

Since it's such a situation, it's natural that I don't want to take care of my mother.
If you don't want to take care of them, you don't have to look after them; think your mother deserved it.
On top of that, there may be a timing when the pain (irritation) of being “forced to take care” occurs in your six roots (eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, body) and six borders (color voice, flavor, touch) due to laws (family support obligations), public affairs, physical convenience, profit and loss accounts.
without thinking too much about this and that
I think it's better to wait until the stimulation of “having to do it” outweighs the pain of “not wanting to do it.”

Don't just be yourself, let's talk and get support

I read it.
You are being told bad things even though you are taking care of your mother in various ways, and your mother is speaking ill of you and your younger brother, and you are feeling very disgusting, aren't you? You don't want to take care of your mother anymore, do you? I don't know the details about you, your mother, or your relationships with everyone, but I can tell you very much that you are really struggling. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I don't know why your mother is saying things like that about you who take care of you, but I feel like your mother is telling people around you things that take good care of you.
In order to say how capable you are, they may say things that despise and hurt you because they want others to recognize you.
My mother probably thinks she's right, so I think she says that.
Once, consult with a medical institution or support center based on that, talk clearly about your feelings, and receive advice.
I think it's okay for people around you to clearly understand that your mother is speaking ill of you, give advice on how to respond, and receive support from various people.
You don't have to put up with it or put up with it.
Please ask third parties to take care of your mother, and I think it would be good if you could handle it to the minimum necessary.
I think the parent-child relationship is quite difficult no matter how old you are. It makes me selfish, doesn't it? Since they are parents and children, there may be times when they inevitably get into arguments and become emotional. I think it's better not to use words that are too irritating, but I think it's okay if you calmly tell your mother how you feel.
Your mother expresses her gratitude to you and those who take care of you, respects and cares for each other, and I sincerely pray that your mother, you, and everyone can live every day in good health from the bottom of my heart. We wholeheartedly agree
And I wholeheartedly support you and everyone.

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