What does it mean to accept that you're dead

My mother passed away the other day due to an illness.
I've been prepared since I was in the hospital, and every time I went to see her, I did my best to hold hands and express my gratitude and feelings for my mother so far, but it still didn't change to be painful and sad.

I often hear stories about not being able to accept the death of a parent or someone close to me.
I didn't really understand whether I had accepted my mother's death or not yet, and I wanted to hear from other people what they thought.

As I wrote earlier, I was prepared, and the moment I passed away, “This day has come. I first thought, “Thank you for your hard work, Mom.” After that, there were vigils, farewell ceremonies, etc., and waves of sorrow often came rushing in, and tears overflowed.
However, if I say “I don't want to see you again at all,” it would be a lie, but I didn't want to meet that strongly, understood that I wouldn't be able to meet again as long as I was alive, and I watched over my mother's family while relaxing in the other world. I honestly believe that I will continue to live properly in the future.

Is this an acceptance of my mother's death? This may have been a difficult question, but I would appreciate it if you could answer it.

5 Zen Responses

It's quite difficult to accept

I read it.
Your mother passed away and you are deeply saddened, aren't you? It's hard to accept your mother's death, isn't it? I don't know the details about you or your mother, but it really conveys your painful feelings. I understand your painful feelings from the bottom of my heart.

As you said, it is not easy to accept the death of a loved one, and the opinion of many people is that they cannot accept death even if they know they have passed away. So I think it's natural for you to think so.
It may take time, and it's not something that can be divided, and even so, I think it's something that drags the mind down.

I sincerely pray that your mother will feel at ease. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu
Please pray with all your heart that your mother will be at ease from the bottom of your heart. We wholeheartedly agree
The mother is always guided by the Buddha or God, and close people and ancestors who went there first kindly greet the mother. Under the Buddha, gods, and ancestors, the mother is truly at ease, saved from any hesitation or suffering, and becomes a pure Buddha. And they will continue to gently and gently watch over you and your loved ones.
Your sorrow won't go away, so please sincerely share your thoughts with your mother. Your mother graciously accepts all of your thoughts and is close to you and comforts you.
The relationship between you and your mother will last forever.

Someday, the time will come when you and everyone will live a full life. At that time, the Buddha or God will guide you, and your mother will welcome you along with your ancestors. And they will rejoice and share the reunion.

I sincerely pray for your mother that you will continue to cherish your relationship with your mother from the bottom of her heart, and that she will be able to gently watch over your mother and help everyone survive healthily.

Also, I sincerely pray to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and mother that the Buddha or God will guide you and that your mother and ancestors will kindly welcome you and meet again when you and everyone have a full life. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

A death relationship with a loved one. How do you interpret “accept”

Mother's death
I'm going to miss you.
You spent precious time with your mother until the end of your life, didn't you?

How are you going to end your life? With that in mind, your mother had her beloved child by her side, conveyed her gratitude and love, probably made you feel at peace, and I think it was very reassuring. I'm glad I'm alive. I'm glad I gave birth to this child. I think they welcomed us to the end of their lives with peace of mind.

A death relationship with a loved one. How are we going to look at it?
I think that is different for each person. It also depends on the relationship and circumstances. Also, how do you interpret “accept”? Take care of it. Understand death. I understand the reason for death. Face your own emotions. Everyone is also different about what state and point in time indicates “acceptance,” such as overcoming the grief of death.

I am holding a bereaved family meeting in Osaka, and everyone talks about their various feelings. The feelings of the bereaved families are shaken. Even if you think it's fine now, it's also something that comes back and forth, touching on memories, and being pushed back and forth on anniversaries of death, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. If you can talk to people that you yourself have “accepted,” that is probably how you feel “accepted.”

I don't think you need to aim for acceptance. Remembering someone who has passed away, voicing feelings, and shaking feelings, tears and sorrow are painful, but it's definitely not something you should do, and it's an important emotion.

Are you “accepted” by us? In the back of my heart, when asked, to my mother, (because we're fine. I felt like there was a message for my mother, “Please feel safe, mom.” I'm sure your deep feelings for your mother have come through.

You are admirable enough (story of Nirvana Map)

First of all, I would like to pray for your mother's peace of mind.
Well, I think you've been fully accepted.
There is a picture called “Nirvana (Nirvana)” which depicts a scene where the Buddha passed away (exterminated).
On a daily basis, the Buddha explained to his disciples that various acts are impermanent (it is normal for anyone to die), and he was admonished that there is no need to be sad even when he announced his own death period to his disciples.
However, in the nirvana map, people grieving and lamenting are also depicted among the disciples (monks).
There were people among the Buddha's disciples who didn't understand that, so I think it's fine for us today, and you, who aren't even monks, to stop crying until about the 49th.
With that in mind, I think you're admirable enough that you've already regained your composure to a certain extent.
However, even if you are nervous, there may be cases where you are unknowingly draining your physical strength, so don't overdo it.

Hex nut

First of all, I would like to express my sorrow for your mother. I pray for your mother's peace of mind. Gassho prayer.

People suffer from the death of a loved one, and they have carried out various emotions centered around sorrow.
Confusion, anger, depression, abandonment, etc.
There are 10 people 10 ways to express feelings of sadness. There are various emotional fluctuations, sizes, and periods, so there are 10 people 10 people who accept sorrow.
Among them, what can I say
You're living your own way even though you're feeling sad! If you have that feeling, I think it's fine.
If I were to be a little more specific,
It can be said that they are living well without being attached to sorrow while building a new relationship with those who have passed away (a relationship where they are protected as ancestors and where they are in a position to do memorial services), confirming one's new identity, and talking about memories of those who have passed away.
I think so. Please refer to it.

If you continue to be sad and seem to be having a hard time living, please don't hesitate to contact us. It will help you accept grief care.
One bow.

PS: Thank you so much for your message. You don't have to forget your sorrow, so please live your own way while fully talking about your memories. Please contact us again when it is difficult. I would like to thank you for this partnership. Regret

Whether or not you are accepting your mother's death

I read your consultation. I would like to express my sincere condolences for your mother's passing away. Even though we were prepared, it is natural for waves of sadness and loneliness to come, and no matter how much preparation we have made, the death of a person shakes our heart greatly.

・What is “accept”
In Buddhism, “acceptance” does not mean the loss of sorrow. The feeling of crying and wanting to meet again is extremely natural as a human being. Furthermore, it can be said that “having determination to live the days ahead while knowing the reality that we can't meet again” is a state close to “acceptance.”

You say “thank you” to your mother and say in your heart, “I will continue to live.” This is proof that they are accepting reality even in the midst of sorrow, and I think it is a very healthy figure.

・Sadness doesn't have to go away
Acceptance does not mean erasing sorrow.
Rather, sadness is “proof that you deeply loved your mother,” and there is no need to completely erase it. It is important to acknowledge “I am sad” as it is in a feeling of coming and returning like a wave.

・Your own history
You can say “I want my mother to relax in the other world” and “I will live in the future,” and you are already about to start walking while taking good care of your mother's death. I think this is a state where it can be said that it has been fully “accepted.”

However, it is natural for people to burst into tears and want to meet again from now on. Instead of blaming it for “not being accepted yet,” I hope you enjoy it as a “time to think about your mother.”

・To tie the knot
The fact that I was able to express my gratitude to my mother and that I still have that feeling in my heart is the greatest memorial service. Buddhism tells us that acceptance is not a “state where there is no sorrow,” but rather indicates “the suppleness of a heart that can live with sorrow.”

Gassho
Please take good care of your heart as it is.

← all dialogues ← previous next →