I want to die like I sleep

Even in your life since then, you haven't been able to look forward easily. You can't get your actions and family out of your mind, do you?

It's painful, isn't it? It's always been painful, hasn't it?
If you die, you won't be able to meet your kids when they come looking for you in the future.
That, too, must be difficult for kids.

Why don't you visit a temple? My temple also holds the Dharma ceremony every month. There are people who go there every month.
However, people from various circumstances come to the temple, so even if everyone doesn't listen to anything, it's warm in the Buddha's space.
We exchange greetings every month and see you later. There are probably people whose connections have been a source of salvation.

Are you going to stop making connections to yourself anymore? I'm sure there are places where you can reach out. Finding support in society can lead to reunion. Shall we stop seeing the light there?

You're tired of life...

In the Jodo sect, it is said that if you use Namu Amida Buddha and nembutsu, you can pass away (reincarnate) in the Pure Land of Paradise.
That's not all.
It is said that when a nembutsu person dies, Amitabha Buddha etc. will pick them up from paradise, and when Amida Buddha welcomes them, the pain of death disappears, and they can be in a state of mental concentration called mindfulness (shonen), so they can have a peaceful death.
So I'm sure you too
Namu Amida Buddha,
Namu Ami Dabu Namu Ami Dabu Namu Ami Dabu
If you chant nembutsu, a peaceful end (happy end of life) will be promised by Amitabha's true power.
If we are alive, we all have afflictions such as greed, anger, laziness, pride, etc. (the cause of worry and suffering), and delusional distractions that amplify them.
That's why I live a life where I worry and suffer every day.
However, remember Namu Ami Dabu Namu Amidabu's Nembutsu.
When you return your mind (consciousness) controlled by delusional distractions to Namu Amida Buddha, you may be able to reset your mind as if it were a peaceful death.

I read it.
I read that you are exhausted from living and wish you would die to sleep. I don't know the details about you, but I really understand your pain.
I don't know what you've been up until now or where you are now, but I can tell you that you're really exhausted.
First of all, please take care of yourself. Please relax your mind and body.
If possible, slowly eat something fresh that is gentle on the body, and take a leisurely bath for them.
Also, try to sleep as calmly as possible without thinking too much; you may wake up being snooked in between, but even so, let's sleep slowly and get some sleep.
You can leave the unnecessary and hectic things alone. The world will revolve on its own, so please take a break from yourself for a while without getting involved.
After that, please calm down and slowly talk about your recent situation and feelings here as well. Or talk about your thoughts with your doctor, counselor, various counselors, and people you can trust.
Not everything is going to change right now, but it's something that will change just by talking to other people.
Here, too, you can listen to stories online, and you can also talk to monks you think are good.
You are a very important person, and you have relationships with us, Buddha, gods, and ancestors here as well.
You are blessed with many things in your life through many relationships. Please don't worry.
I sincerely pray that you will continue to take care of yourself and live through the lives you have been given while being blessed with relationships with everyone.
Also, I sincerely pray to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors so that one day they will fulfill the ten-life you have been given and be greeted peacefully and peacefully. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

When I feel like I am now
If you think about this and that, it's easier to get into a cul-de-sac, so why don't you just think about it?
If you die, you'll be bothering your family again.

Could it be that they are being treated harshly by those around them even now?
Have you become distrustful of people, and are you being tormented by loneliness because of that?
If so, if loneliness and pain continue, it will become an unusual state.
The painful feelings are painfully conveyed to me.

If you have the feeling of crawling up from hell now
Please go to a nearby temple and speak out to the Buddha and say “Please help me.”
Try saying “I'll do my best, please help” in a loud voice.
It has nothing to do with recidivism in front of the Buddha.
The Buddha helps us without logic.
Could you give it a try?

Gassho