About offerings

After my grandmother's wake, my mother was called by a monk,
“How much was the offering wrapped?” It seems that they were asked.
Six years ago, at the time of my grandfather's funeral, life was difficult, so I was only able to wrap an offering for 30,000 yen.
They brought that up, and apparently they said, “That would be a problem this time too.”
When I told them that they had 200,000 packages this time, they were convinced.
My mother seemed to be pointed out that she had no common sense, and she was depressed.
Do monks ever ask you about the price of offerings?
It seemed like a reminder, and I was very offended.
Doesn't my mother have common sense?

4 Zen Responses

An offering is not an “amount,” it's a “sincerity”

My heart aches when I think about how much my mother's shoulders have been dropped.

I'll start with the conclusion.

There's no such thing as a mother not having common sense.

Six years ago, 30,000 yen was made in the midst of a difficult life.
That must have been the best “sincerity” for the family.

In Buddhism, it's not about money or form,
I value what kind of thoughts that person made the offer.

The 30,000 yen that was taken out of hardship
It's definitely not light.

Rather, if you think about the circumstances behind it,
It's more than enough of an offering.

Originally, giving is a “feeling.”

I was asked about the amount of money from the monk's side,
It's not like taking things from the past and evaluating them.

However, as a reality, there are issues with temple maintenance and living,
As a result, such words and actions may also occur.

But that and this are different issues.

The essence of offering is nothing but “sincerity.”

It is said that the mother was wrapped 200,000 yen this time,
Value is not determined by that amount of money.

The important thing is to think about how you died,
It's the feeling of putting your hands together.

Please tell your mother.

“There's nothing wrong with you.”

and
“My grandmother has taken that feeling very well.”

A memorial service is not a form, but a heart.

As long as you have that heart,
I think the memorial service is already in place.

Getting to know each other (dialogue) is important

I think it's good for people with different opinions to have honest discussions (not fights) with each other.
The temple said, “30,000 yen is honestly tough,”
The client side said, “My house is tough too, so why don't we just do this?”
The temple side returns, “Yes, if there are circumstances like that, that's fine.”
Play catch for mutual understanding without fueling the worries of greed, anger, laziness, or pride.
Isn't that important in itself?
So, you may have been surprised by the opinions from the temple side,
Let's just calmly accept the situation as “just different opinions, just different interests, just different positions,” and think that all you have to do is throw back the ball and play catch without getting angry or sad with the first ball from your opponent.
Surprisingly, the monk also has a lot of work to do in 1 or 2 days to prepare for the wake and funeral.
Even if you think about the commandments, think about it after searching past books so that they don't overlap with ancestors in the same family. Record the commandments you thought up and information on the deceased in the past book.
Write multiple copies of the Imperial Palace and the Goshitaba by hand.
I use a lot of nerves when it comes to the cards used in ceremonies.
There are many cases where a Shichijo robe is prepared to hang on the body (coffin), the main hall is cleaned, and flowers are replaced with new ones.
Of course, flowers aren't free either.
In other words, it's not just a ceremony to recite sutras for 1 or 2 hours; it requires several times more preparation work.
So, as a matter of fact, I think there is a situation where 30,000 yen is difficult.
Around that point, I would be happy if you could calmly play catch without turning on the angry worry of “a monk talking about money.”

I read it.
You're very shocked when the monk told your mother about the offering, “I'm in trouble this time too.” I don't know the details about you, your mother, or the monk, but I feel that I really understand how you and your mother feel. I sincerely appreciate it.
If a monk says that, it itself means that there is no common sense as a monk. As a general rule, donations should be paid to the extent possible.

Maybe the monk made a statement because they wanted the amount of donations to be raised as they managed the temple, or they said “that would be a problem this time too” because that amount was not enough for them to live.
Even so, that way of saying it is extremely rude, and I think it's out because it goes against faith and teachings.
Monks will also need to listen carefully to their mother's circumstances, and they should explain them sincerely.
Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to call it an offering. That's because it simply becomes a request or claim for money.

How much of an “okimochi” offering is generally desirable? There are bereaved families who are being asked. At that time, I would like to ask you to do it in good faith to the extent possible, and even so, they sometimes ask me how much is the market price, so I sometimes talk about how much they are being treated this much at my temple. And conversely, how much would you like to pack? There are also cases where I ask.
Also, at our temple, we talk about offerings again after the funeral is over, and after asking about the wishes of the bereaved families, they are wrapped.

So if your mother doesn't have common sense, please tell her that she's definitely not wrong.

I sincerely pray to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors that you and your mother will continue to pray for your ancestors with all their heart so that you can live peacefully while being watched over by your ancestors, and that you can live every day with sincere compassion and peace of mind. We wholeheartedly agree

It is necessary for both parties to build a relationship where they can understand any circumstances.

after the wake...
I would like you to choose your words carefully when conveying to grieving bereaved families. Each of them probably has its own circumstances. You may be exhausted both mentally and physically, if you are limited to financial matters. In line with such a situation, I don't think there was enough consideration on the part of the monks to tell them carefully.

Also, how was the relationship with the temple, where such circumstances could also be discussed? There are also temple circumstances, such as the market price of offerings, and arrangements with the community and parishioners. However, this is not a one-sided presentation of conditions; it is only when they are satisfied during discussions.

It is necessary for both parties to build a relationship where they can understand any circumstances. What was the relationship with the temple on a regular basis, not limited to funerals, memorial services, and everyday prayers?

Saying that there is no common sense is arrogance of a monk, isn't it? Mom had a hard time, wasn't it? Please don't hesitate to contact us about anything. Please connect to a temple that says so and snuggles up to you. Also, cherish the Buddha relationship.

I would like to express my deepest condolences. I hope everyone in the family stays safe.
Gassho

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