When I'm in a fight with my boyfriend, something inside of me gets caught up in what my boyfriend said, and the conversation often stops. “What did you think?” I can't answer that even when asked. When asked that, they always said “I don't know,” but when something similar happened recently, they said, “I don't know, stop it because the problem stops.” I definitely think so, so how do I come to understand what I'm feeling and why?
Please don't blame yourself for being speechless. As a human being, it is quite natural for a human being to have ripples in the midst of a storm of fighting, and not being able to see the “bottom of the water,” which is our true feelings.
[It's natural that you can't put it into words]
There are various reasons why your head goes blank, such as being shocked by the other person's words, your heart hardens due to a sense of intimidation, or choosing words too carefully. It can happen to anyone, not just you, so there's no need to worry too much about it.
[Don't carry your opponent's “impatience”]
Behind his words, “Stop saying you don't know,” it seems that irritation and “I ()” of wanting to argue against opponents and gain an advantage are hidden. There's no need to accept that “it certainly might be” that you are at fault. Each person is a different person, so it is natural for opinions to clash with each other. However, there is no need to always rush to “black and white” or “win or lose” in fights.
[Courage to “leave” to regain silence]
When your mind is in turbulence, never try to force yourself to give an answer, and try to get away from that place once. By taking a deep breath and waiting for the waves to calm down, the feelings deep within yourself should naturally emerge little by little as words.
If such disputes are repeated on a daily basis, and the days where you cannot maintain peace of mind continue, it may be time to quietly look back at the relationship between the two of you and the relationship itself. Please, protect your own heart first.
Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo
I read it.
You're probably questioning the fact that you answered that you don't understand. I don't know the details about you, him, or the people around you, but it really conveys what you are worried about. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
It seems easy to be asked by others and put into words how you felt and thought, and it must be quite difficult. I think I know myself, but in fact, I often don't really understand it myself.
There are various events, and even if I don't really know how it is on the spot, when I think about it carefully later, I suddenly remember that, oh, speaking of it, it felt like this, and it was like this for me.
So I don't think it's necessary to hurry up with an answer. What's more, understanding the meaning of the language also takes time.
Please don't be in a hurry and take a good look at it again.
Eventually, the answer may come from within yourself, or there are times when you agree that it comes down to the point where it comes from being told by someone else out of nowhere.
I sincerely pray that you will continue to calm down and grow healthily while looking at yourself. We wholeheartedly agree
What makes words stop
I feel like the words I was told by him have destroyed my previous settings,
I feel like I'm passing by even though that's not actually the case,
I felt like I was being blamed or said badly,
I don't know “maybe” the words have stopped. maybe. Maybe. “Maybe” it's different, I don't know. 🦆
Even if that is, “I can't express it well,” it can also be called my own expression.
It's a masterpiece.
Now you can buy it for 1 yen.
as soon as possible.
https://www.amazon.co.jp/%E3%80%8C%E8%B6%85%E5%85%B7%E4%BD%93%E5%8C%96%E3%80%8D%E3%82%B3%E3%83%9F%E3%83%A5%E3%83%8B%E3%82%B1%E3%83%BC%E3%82%B7%E3%83%A7%E3%83%B3%E5%AE%9F%E8%B7%B5%E8%AC%9B%E5 %BA%A7-%E 5% B 0% 8F%E 5% AE%AE%E 4% B 8% 80% E 6% 85% B6/dp/4833419041
whence
Who
Where
Why
What kind
Was that a feeling?
It's simple, but there is a limit to human verbal expression, so if you determine that limit, you'll be able to see the goal point where, oh, I wish I could express myself in words to this extent.
The art of this world also embodies feelings that cannot be put into words.
If it's something you can't put into words, putting it into shape and expressing it will also clear your mind.
Let's start by “limiting” what we want to express.
Good evening. There have already been a few responses, and I'm thankful for that.
A while ago, the term “fuzzy moya” became popular. These are probably the first words you say when you stop.
So for now, let's give them the shape of “hmm, it's confusing.” Then, “What does that mean?” You will be asked to paraphrase it. From there on, there was a vocabulary problem for the two of them. If you don't know the vocabulary in the first place, you won't know what it is. To do that, read a book or watch a movie, and then take those lines seriously. It's sad, painful, and lonely. There seem to be many words to express feelings, and in reality, it depends on the situation, for example, “is this painful?” Try temporarily placing it and check if it fits perfectly. Yeah, just like how I felt at that time. Just like that scene.
In this way, when I try to use words in combination with situations, I think misunderstandings will decrease. Yes, what is ultimately important is “do you feel that these words are perfect?” and rather, they believe “I said sad,” and “the feeling of the words uttered will be conveyed together if the words are conveyed.” When I say “I am,” “Who am I?” I haven't confirmed it, but “what does sad mean?” It's worthwhile to have a conversation.
Also, there is a possibility that it is a “word I don't want to say” as pointed out by Mr. Tange. This may “not be able to adjust the intensity for what you want to say” or “you acknowledge aspects you don't want to see.”
So that's it.
Instead of “I don't know,” I'm putting out “I'm confused.” Or express “I can't find the perfect word.”
Purchase vocabulary on a regular basis. If you find words you don't know, “What is that?” and stops. “Hmm, I can't get it right.” “Can you rephrase something?” “What does that mean?” I'll listen to it.
People who can verbalize and are highly competent will be less likely to be misunderstood or do things. I think this translates into a pretty easy life.
Feelings and sensations are delicate, so it's difficult to convey words that match them.
You're also feeling something from talking to him, aren't you? Are you sure your heart has moved?
I work as a counselor on a daily basis. I am also involved in training counselors. In the field, listening skills are required. It develops the sensory ability to listen to the other person's concerns and clearly imagine and feel what they are complaining about and what kind of feelings they have. You also need the ability to respond to convey what you feel so that it reaches the other party. And if necessary, it is the role of the counselor to connect to support.
To that end, it is basic to first verbalize the feelings you feel. If you only respond “Yes, it's tough,” you probably feel a great distance because of someone else's affairs. I don't feel like they understood me. Instead, I train so that I can put into words the movements of my heart that I feel.
There are times when you feel “stuck” in conversations with him. First, it's important to be aware that your heart has moved. Even if words don't come out right away at that time, let's check it out later.
What did you get caught in? ① What are his words, facial expressions, attitudes, or ways of saying it? ② Can't you understand the words themselves, or are you stuck in the content? ③ How do you feel? Confused, surprised, uneasy, or sad?
Let's sort out what kind of feelings occurred. I want to be able to convert ambiguous feelings and feelings into clear words so that I and others can understand them.
The reason he said stop was probably because he was perplexed. It doesn't mean I never want to talk to you. It's also a sign that you want to know how you feel.
If something gets caught, ask your own mind. By doing the work of organizing your feelings in that way, you will get closer to verbalization.
It's also nice to check with someone. For example, when we watch movies or TV, we share our impressions. Then, even when watching the same thing, you notice that each person has a different way of feeling and expressing themselves. That way, you can polish things by checking various things together.
Hasunoha also offers online individual consultations, so if you want to try training, please feel free to contact us anytime.