Should I have children or get divorced

The couple have been married for 2 years. I myself don't want to have children. Meanwhile, my husband seems to want children.

Currently, due to my husband's wishes, I am being assigned overseas, and since we live overseas which we are not used to, we often have mutual feelings for each other, and I am also quite mentally unstable.
Meanwhile, since my husband said to Porori, “Yakiimo doesn't seem to want children, so I think it's unavoidable to get divorced if we don't change our feelings with each other,” it's hard to come to an end to my thoughts on whether to divorce with an emphasis on my own feelings of not wanting to have children, or whether to choose to have children, and I'm worried.

Why do we want kids? When I asked my husband, he said, “I wonder if it's filial piety. After that, I think life would be more fun if I had kids.” That's it.
Tell them that pregnancy and childbirth will inevitably put a physical and mental burden on women, that their careers will be interrupted, and that their income will be reduced, and what will their husbands do in response to that? When asked, “Childbirth expenses are split in half (because it is assumed that we both work together), and we have no choice but to do housework and the like as much as possible.” I was relieved to have reassuring words such as “There are things I'm worried about, but I'll support you, so let's work hard together”...

Before we got married, in casual conversations, my husband also said, “Even if we can't have children, it would be nice if the two of us could live happily,” and for me, I was really hurt by my husband's speech and attitude. My husband's attitude now that if he doesn't want to have children, divorce is unavoidable, makes me feel that it is said that it is not worth spending time together as a married couple without having children, of course, overcoming various burdens on the maternal side due to pregnancy, childbirth, and infertility treatment.
It's been almost 10 years since we've known each other, and it's quite shocking to think that after all, my only value was to have children.

We don't want to actively divorce each other, and we want to live well together, but since my husband has the idea that “we can't change people's thoughts, and we don't change our own thoughts according to people,” I think it's difficult to change my husband's thoughts.

I'm sorry for the disorganized sentence, but I would be grateful if you could get honest opinions from a third party and words that push back your back. Thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

Feelings change. Imagine until old age

A married couple is in love (dead language?) The period of time you can be lovers doesn't necessarily last forever.
Also, even if you're on good terms, if there are only similar events every year, the stimulation will weaken.
In that respect, when children are born, annual events change as children grow, so there is a possibility that marital life will also be colorful.
Therefore, it is understandable that with age, my husband gets tired of the unsuitable marital life and wants the new stimulation of being a child.
For example, there are also people who become enthusiastic about visiting graves and memorial services for their ancestors even though they were not interested when they were young but became middle-aged and elderly. Going to visit graves is itself an event (a stimulus for additional options during a free day off).
So, of course, there are times when my husband wants children, but maybe he feels that there are no other stimuli comparable to children.
My husband is also not dissatisfied with their current marital life, but the stimulation may be getting weaker (getting into a rut).
For example, building up a career at work also has an aspect of “stimulation” that goes beyond simply earning food support.
However, the shelf life of an individual's career is 50 years. Children may continue into the generation of grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
If you think about it logically, most careers and the value of a lover/spouse may not be able to beat children.
My husband is thinking quite rationally. Maybe it's because they're getting tired of the stimulation in front of them that they're trying to think logically.
Even if you get divorced, do you have more stimulation than your husband or children? Also, is that a stimulus that lasts until old age?
People's minds change.
That's why it might be a good idea to even imagine what will remain in old age.
Pregnancy and childbirth are burdensome for women,
Your mother may have been unhappy to give birth to you, and it may be helpful.
Summary: Let's think about it over a span of several decades

Peace of mind and joy can only be obtained when your existence is recognized and respected

Well... your husband's words and actions and values relating to childbirth, childcare, and life are different from yours. Of course, it would be possible to understand each other, but the burden and risk on the female side is still huge. My husband couldn't imagine the size of what he would lose. Also, being able to feel that you haven't taken it that seriously is probably the reason you can't be positive.

The career you've built as a woman is amazing and precious. I hope they will continue to grow and play an active role. Also, I don't think pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare are sacrifices. The time to give birth to life and nurture would also be irreplaceable happiness.

There are hesitations and fears about any choice or life. because it's unknown. Because things aren't going the way I want them to. That's why the presence of people walking with us is so great.

It's not like I want to pursue ideals. In order to be happy, they are carefully and seriously thinking about the future, so I want them to be partners who can support each other no matter what kind of difficulties they have. But my husband seems to be a follower, and I can't feel the support that they're together.

The words “it's impossible to get divorced” are also my husband's intention not to change himself, and I feel very lonely. Other than that, it can also be accepted as if you were thrown out, even if you were carrying it on your back.

I'm at a loss too. Women don't give birth to children for the sake of filial piety to their parents-in-law. That's not why I became your wife. How pressured are those words? Am I an unfaithful person if I refuse? If women are always bothered by drastic changes and are bound to lose, then they cannot move forward without greater peace of mind. So divorce and throw it away easily? Why don't you face me more.

it's bothersome...
I want you to smile. Whatever choice you make, I hope you feel excited. because it's your life. A woman's happiness isn't just about getting married and having children. It is only when your existence is recognized and respected that you can get peace of mind and joy.

I read it.
I read that you are deeply hurt by your husband's words. I don't know the details about you or your husband, but I really understand your painful feelings.

I think that one word from your husband sounded like a very heartless remark for you. Please take care of your own heart first. Maybe my husband casually put it into words as his own thoughts.
Please slowly take care of your own heart and heal it.

On top of that, why don't you slowly face your own feelings, thoughts, and future way of life. There's no need to give an answer in a hurry; you and your husband probably have their own lives, and you probably work every day, so please live each day well and carefully face each other in the midst of that.

Certainly, I think there are times when couples change their way of thinking, way of life, and future images in this way while they are still alive. You and your husband are both living their own lives right now. There will also be a way of life and a future in the future.

On top of that, please calm down with your husband and talk about how to live in the future.
Your future and your husband's future are very important, aren't they? We wholeheartedly agree

Mainly with yakiimo! Is it OK to let go or not.

Yakiimo, please contact us.

It's annoying.
We've been married for 2 years.
Wouldn't it be better for a husband to think about his future life and build a constructive future?

Maybe that's what you thought.

Or maybe my husband made a bet. Wouldn't they say that if they talk about divorce, they'll have children? and.

You should explore your husband's feelings.

Also, the reason I want children is filial piety, because I want to have a more enjoyable life, and it's also very light, and there are no yakiimo in it.

Maybe it's just that my husband's words aren't enough,
The relationship between the two is something only the two of them can originally understand,

After overcoming the various burdens on the mother side of pregnancy, childbirth, and infertility treatment, of course, there is no value in spending time together as a married couple if they don't give birth to children,

I can hear it too.

“Because I want your kids.”
or,
“Maybe for a further future for the two of them.”

It would be great if you told me that much.

I wonder if my husband is tired now too...

Also, it's a long time ago that women are just tools to give birth to children.

Yakiimo's life is glorious right now.

Yakiimo is the only one who doesn't have to struggle.

“You can't change people's thoughts, and you don't change your own thoughts according to people.”

Yes, but beyond that,
There are times when a child is a slacker.

Two smart and powerful people are sure to find a compromise.

Don't get caught up in immediate words or feelings,

Ask yourself if your husband is a person you can take and let go of with Yakiimo right now.

If you don't mind letting go, just go ahead and live a brilliant life!

If you don't want to let go, you should talk about it and confirm your love.
The meaning of words should also be dug deep.

If there is no financial influence on the judgment material, even more so, you should be able to hear a sincere voice.

It's the lives of two people who have put a lot of effort together.

Please stop for a moment and think about it.

I pray that the two of them will be satisfied and go in a direction where they can spend their time laughing.

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