The meaning of living even though my heart is broken

Worries The root cause of suffering is worry.
In Buddhism, there are techniques to control worries and suffering by controlling worries.
Also, in the end, we aim for the goal of enlightenment.
Once you realize it, your worries will go away, and your worries and suffering will never occur again.
Also, Buddhist training is a rewarding and interesting game.
The human mind and body are the best game consoles for playing the game called Buddhism.
If you have an interest in Buddhism and awaken to the joy of training (games) such as meditation, you can get a game console that you can use anytime, anywhere.
You'll never be bored with life. (Because you can play games anywhere, even in a fraction of the time.)
I'll do it without having to worry about regrets. (This is because it's a game that defeats delusional thoughts about the past, the future, and oneself and others.)
You can play that game anytime, even if you're bedridden.
So, please look up Buddhism, Vipassana meditation, and mindfulness.

There are so many choices in life, right?

Where are you going to go to college?

Where are you going to get a job?

Are you changing jobs or not?

Are you getting married or not?

In familiar places, you can also choose where to shop today.

Well, you didn't choose one path back then.

Was that right or wrong?

No one knows that.

“If I had changed jobs to that job”
“If I had proposed to that person”

There is no way now to confirm whether or not there really was the life I had imagined beyond that.

I've made a lot of choices in my life, too.

was that right?

was it wrong?

There are still things I don't understand.

But one thing is clear.

You can't change the past.

And one more thing.

The future can be created from now on.

However, right now, your heart is quite tired due to regrets.

“If I can euthanize, I want to do it right now”
“I want to become an incurable disease”

If you've thought that far, this isn't a stage where you can live alone.

First, it doesn't matter if it's your family, someone you trust, or psychosomatic medicine.

“Every day is so painful that I want to die”

Please tell them as they are.

If you're about to hurt yourself right away, don't be alone and rely on first aid.

On top of that, you don't have to try to rebuild your life all at once.

In the morning, I bathe in the sunshine for only 5 minutes.

Walk for only 3 minutes.

Drink something warm.

I'm going to get dressed today.

That's enough.

Even small actions can change the scenery if they accumulate little by little every day.

Your life didn't end at that point.

It's just that my life is different from that time.

There's still more to come.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

There are answers already, so I'll try to think about it from a slightly different point.

I was reading the consultation, and what bothered me the most
“I didn't change jobs for some reason”
“Even now, I have absolutely no idea why they did that.”
That's where it was.

I studied hard in order to break through difficult exams. Even so, I didn't change jobs.
If so, I think you had some reason at that time.

Of course, I don't know. And since it was decades ago, you probably don't understand it anymore, even now.

Humans forget even when they think it's the most important decision.

What were your thoughts at the time, what were your concerns, and what did you compare with what did you choose that path? Even if it was important at that time, circumstances fall out as the years go by, and there are times when only results remain.

Thinking about that, one more thing bothers me.
“If I had changed jobs normally at that time, I would have had a wonderful life.”

Is this really the case?
I don't even understand now why I didn't change jobs. Even so, it's a strange story that I can only understand what life would have been like if I had changed jobs.
Maybe the life I didn't choose will become more and more beautiful as I continue to think about it for decades. But that's a life I can't confirm anymore.

So why don't you take your eyes back here for once?

You wrote, “Somehow I lived to this age without eating.”
What was actually inside that “something”? Who was there, who did they spend time with, and what did they receive from, and have they come to this day?

It's not a life I didn't choose, but a life I've actually walked through. Not someone you'll never meet anymore, but someone who's around you right now.
Why don't you take a look at those people's faces again?

I think it's good to see what you feel after that.
You've been asked to discuss it, so please try it out even for a moment.

Regret and regret... Yes, you are the one who chose your current situation.
But even though I was changing jobs at that time, I couldn't say that it was smooth sailing, and I don't know if the person I should have been able to propose to would have accepted the proposal. Nah, that was it! Even so, what if you were asked if you were able to live a happy life without mistakes?

When things don't go well, we regret our past choices, so we have no choice but to lament that there is nothing we can do about it. However, even if they made a different choice, they should have been able to correct the trajectory over and over again, and even struggle to get hold of it without stepping back.

Everyone lives by giving meaning to the choices they make in their lives.
When you ask “the meaning of continuing to live a life without any value,” isn't it about yourself? What do you mean by that?

I was asked to read your profile, and there are people who have supported you up to this point. I think they have received both the relationships and the blessings they have had.
If you don't think so, is it really just a missed opportunity to change jobs and regret it up to this point? I think there are other causes and reasons.