I lost my husband all of a sudden

About a month ago, I was hit and run, and my husband suddenly became a person who never returned. “I'm going,” “Bye,” and “Bye.” This was the last conversation between my husband, me, and my 1 year old daughter.

After 11:00 p.m., the police said, “My husband fell down on the road, was injured, and was unconscious, so he was taken by ambulance. Can you go to the hospital now?” I was told, did I drink too much and fall down? I only thought about that, and said, “I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll be there soon.”
I answered and took my daughter to the hospital.

Then, the atmosphere was kind of hectic... when I heard it, they said, “It looks like we've had an accident.”
Then I was taken to the operating room in a hurry, and my daughter and I waited in the waiting room.
I realized the seriousness of the situation when I met my husband at the ICU when he had returned from the operating room. They were connected by lots of tubes and were full of blood.
Then, my husband never regained consciousness, and he took his last breath the next day. I was only 30 years old.

After that, I went by without being able to sort out my feelings, such as a wake or funeral. I couldn't understand why this happened at all, and I felt like my mind and body were falling apart, my head felt dazed and just tears overflowed, and I clung to my husband until the end and cried.
The daughter, who still didn't really understand, was laughing innocently while saying, “Dad, hey!” Seeing that, I couldn't stop crying again.

After that, the culprit who hit and ran away from her husband was arrested, but that doesn't mean the husband will come back... there is still a hole in my heart, and I don't feel like doing anything.

I received words of condolence from many people and said, “Be firm and do your best for your daughter.”
I was asked to say that. I'm thankful for that.
But he said, “I want my husband, who is a father, to be there because I have a daughter. My daughter's smile also supports me, but watching it makes me even more painful...”
It makes me feel like that.

How should I live from now on... My daughter is my emotional support, and she is a treasure left behind by her husband, but even so, it's still painful. It's painful. It makes me want to disappear. I don't want to commit suicide, but I do want to go to my husband's place.

How should we deal with this suffering?

4 Zen Responses

Please live for your children, even if it's hard.

Hello, Tayuko-san.

My husband was lost. I offer my condolences.
It's natural that I still can't express my heart. From now on, the period will be extended little by little over time, such as the 49th anniversary, Obon, Ohigan, the first anniversary, and the 3rd anniversary, and gradually heal the heart. This is the wisdom of the old people.

In the midst of that, please return to your life little by little and think about your future life.

I'd like to give a lot of advice, but that's all I can say right now. If it's hard, I'll always be someone to talk to. Please email me anytime. Life is full of hardships. But there's always that amount of happiness. Until then, go through life every day with your child.

Gassho

I can't find the words.

Tayuko-sama

My name is Shakkeishin.
I watched it with caution this time.

To be honest, I can't even find the words.
If possible, I would like to go out and remember with you,
I'm busy with my daily legal affairs, and it's embarrassing as a monk, but it doesn't seem like it will come true.

I registered here, and it's still early, so I'm here, but I just can't get past Tayuko's concerns.

It goes without saying that the suffering of separation from Aibetsu goes without saying,
Also, if it's in there, and Tayuko-sama treats you,
I have to be a mother,
They're probably running around with various administrative procedures, etc.
I will inevitably go around with work and housework.

Right now, I don't think I can have time to relax, soak in, and be sad.

Of course, there is no doubt that the husband's wish is something that the young lady is also regarded as important,
First, it's Tayuko-sama.
I'm worried about Tayuko-sama's body and mind, so I don't have to worry.
Please think about this first, and just don't overdo it and take care of yourself.
When it's hard, always say it's hard.
If I take a look, I'll be sure to get back to you.

There is a picture called Amitabha 25 Bosatsu Welcome Map.
At the time of death, our ancestors and those who went earlier took the form of Bodhisattvas and Buddha, and were picked up along with Amida,
It's an overwhelming job, like grabbing the hand of a baby drowning in the bath and suffering from crying and pulling it up,
Inevitably, you will be invited to the Pure Land and become a Buddha once again.

Therefore, when the Buddha quickly invigorates the Bodhi Heart and becomes a Buddha who prays for us, he always comes by our side.

These are the words of the founder of the sect I believe in.

If you wait too old now, you should definitely wait and wait in the Pure Land if you don't decide to wait ahead of time.

I offer my condolences

I also have a son around his age who still doesn't understand death, and a daughter who can't even roll over. Because of my work, I often think about my own death, but I think about it all the time. Now, if I die, how will my wife and children be able to live... And I always think about it. I can't afford to die now...
I can tell you how sad it is, even if Tayuko-sama is there. I read your question and I feel like my stomach is starting to hurt.

What I want to tell you is that I don't want you to work hard alone. Are your parents healthy? What about your siblings? Do you have dependable relatives or friends who can support each other? How is your relationship with your husband's parents? I want you to be willing to help as many people as possible. I don't want you to work hard alone. If I were to leave it to my wife now and die, I would like to tell her that. I want Tayuko-sama to be like that too.

It's for the kids, but more than that, it's for yourself. Because it's ridiculous; holding everything alone is ridiculous. Even when two couples cooperate to raise children, it is necessary to have time not to look at the child's face, and even more so if they end up alone. It's natural that it's getting harder. Just imagining the appearance of my wife putting up with it and doing her best is so painful that I can't watch it.

I want someone to look at my child and cry until my eyes swell. It's okay to cry. Let's make time for that. I'm saying it from the monk's experience. Around a month after the funeral, the sense of loss of losing a loved one grew, and it was an even more difficult time. Please don't work hard alone right now.

It may have become an emotional sentence, but I spelled it out honestly. I'm worried about your future. I would be happy to hear from you again sometime.

Hard times sad times. If you look at my child, there are things I can learn from my child

First of all, I would like to express my condolences to my husband and express my sorry sympathy.
Thirty years old is too young. He's the same age as my second son, and his kids are about the same age.
I don't know if I can read your concerns and feel like it's not someone else's, but I hope I can tell you something.

When we live in this world, we experience “no way” several times.
I think most of the residents of Kumamoto prefecture, who had never imagined being hit by the Kumamoto earthquake this time, realized “no way,” and even now they can't get back on their feet, and I think there will be people who won't be able to recover from now on.
Fortunately, the damage was minimal for me, but when I saw the epicenter, it was so terrible that it was sad.

Right now, I don't have myself, and I know that I have to think about children because my body and mind are disconnected, but “why” attacks my heart. I think it's a state where I can't find a place to put my mind due to anxiety and anxiety about how to control myself and whether I can return to normal from now on.

That's good! Even if you don't force it back to normal, even if you don't try to do something about it, it's okay to think about it, feel lonely, and cry with anxiety! This is who you are now.
Right now, it's natural even if my mind doesn't stop walking.

There is a word of comfort saying “time is medicine,” but I don't think this fits you today. The time you realize this is when you return to your true self.

Right now, even if I wake up in the morning, I'm starting a difficult day. I want to work hard to finish this difficult day while watching my daughter. Also, tomorrow will be difficult again, so please take a look at my daughter at that time. At some point, time will pass and I will notice how my child is growing up.
No matter how sad it is or how painful it is, I can't stop living with a heart that grudges and laments myself when I'm hungry! What's more, my child grows up to be visible to the eye every day.
I'm sure your heart and your precious child will grow when this suffering fades away!
Your master is watching over your growth as a Buddha from another world.

If it becomes painful and sad again, please say it anytime! The monks here are all watching over you.

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