It's unbearably painful due to regret.

I lost an important person last fall.
Since then, it's been so painful that it's been unbearable.
I'm just that person's work colleague, so there's nothing I can do.

I'm married, and I loved that person.
I just liked it and didn't mean to say anything.

There was a time when the workplace was jittery before that person passed away, and I also had a cold attitude towards that person.
I have constant regrets, wondering why I took such an attitude even though I liked it, and why did I say such a thing...
I don't know what kind of attitude I should take when I'm in front of that person, and it's painful to remember my own gaffe.

Right now I have a different job.
I got sick and retired from the workplace where I was with that person.
I'm estranged from my previous workplace due to family circumstances or work, and I rarely meet them.
Even if I meet him once in a while, I can't say that my feelings for that person are likely to turn my memories up until now into something different.
Even with emails, etc., I thought it would be bad to always talk about my sorrow to a friend who was already looking forward, and I couldn't talk about that person anymore.
Shortly after I passed away, my former colleague at work said that if I was so sad, that person wouldn't be able to attain Buddhism, and that I shouldn't think that much even though they aren't lovers or relatives.
I was very sad to hear that, and I also thought that was true.
Maybe they don't even have a sad relationship for me.

I was able to go to the funeral and the 49th.
My friends who went to the funeral with me said, “Now that we've said goodbye, I'm so relieved.”
It's a good thing for my friends, and I think it's the right idea, but I just can't agree. I don't want to say goodbye.

I was the only work colleague who went there on the 49th.

I also went to visit graves once.
At home, I burn incense with the intention of burning incense sticks.
This seems disgusting and I can't tell anyone.
I'm not that close with that person, but there are times when I wish they had taken me there too.

My family seems to think that there are times when I don't feel well, but they don't say anything in particular.

It's a place where I got married and started living, so there's no one to confide in my sorrow.

I was able to confide in a sentence like this, and I calmed down a bit.
I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, but thank you for reading.

4 Zen Responses

I think it would be nice to visit a temple.

I think it was painful to hear that someone you care about lost.

I was often put up with the fact that I couldn't talk to my family or the people around me.
I think not talking was a good choice in order not to hurt my family or others.
You were able to endure it very well.

I'm lamenting that you can't do anything for that person yourself,
There are things we can do.

It's about praying at sacred sites and temples in order to mourn that person's family.

You can also use your leisure time to pray little by little,
Rather than burning incense in the house, I think it would be better to hand incense to the principal image at a temple and pray for the well-being of loved ones.

When I pray, I think there are various temples.
I think your heart will be healed little by little in that space.

Why don't you go out to a nearby temple first and put your hands together?

Rather than blaming yourself, try confiding your heart to the principal image at the temple.

Please take care of yourself.

There is a world where we can meet again.

It's not an eternal farewell to someone who has passed away.
According to the Buddhist theory Amitabha Sutra, it is described as “a meeting place.”
It means “we can meet each other in one place” after we have run out of lives.
That place is the Pure Land of Paradise.

We always have to break up with our loved ones at some point.
But that's a temporary farewell.
When I run out of life and go to the Pure Land one day, I can go see him if I want to see him again.

I don't think it's easy to get back to the way it used to be now.
At times like that, you may have no choice but to just go about your everyday life.
That's because day medicine seems to have a big effect.

It's OK to be sad

It's been a difficult year-end and New Year holiday since last fall.
There is no such thing as the deceased being unable to attain Buddhism when those who remain grieve. Grieving over his passing is something only those left behind can do. And it's natural for everyone to not want to say goodbye. Don't worry about Jiho, it's fine.

> Maybe I don't have a sad relationship
It's up to Jiho to decide that. I felt a very strong emotional connection.
If it's hard to stand up alone, one way is to use counseling or telephone consultations.

There were times when they regretted the gaffe, but don't worry, that feeling has surely reached the deceased. I hope you can make good friends in your hometown soon.

Still, I'm going to live alone (once in a while)

No matter how much someone you love, even if they eat it, it won't become your own.
No matter how far you go, your opponent is your opponent. I am who I am.
Whether it's a parent and child, or a family.
Love deepens that path of love, and if you master it, you will arrive at this reason.
No matter how far you go, your partner and I are ultimately separate.
That's why letting go is also love. Watching over is also love.
Because of love, they suffer when they try to do acts that contradict that reason.
It's probably correcting the trajectory for true love.
“Unruly in the Three Realms: Love Is Unbreakable, Giving, Useless, Giving Thanks, Giving, and Giving Thanks”
These are words we chant at funerals.
Simply put, we were born into a world full of hesitation and suffering, and we cannot break down our kindness and love.
There is no way to break up, but giving up (getting used to) kindness and being in a world with nothing to do is something that really rewards kindness.
If the meaning of ❝ abandoning ❞ referred to here is thoroughly discussed, I think in the end, it will come to a point where you don't like your opponent.
You can like it. It's good to love them.
Even so, I can't make my opponent my own.
That's why we should respect, respect, and awaken to true love.
Even though my loved ones are in this world, I will still go with me. I'm fine without you, and I'm going to live a strong life. Become aware that you are really, really alone, and move on to the ultimate person (one day) surrounded by the love of many people. That too is a busy road.

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