I have regrets about my mother's last

My mother, who had been fighting liver cancer, spread to lymph and my physical condition suddenly changed after painful lung symptoms appeared, and my husband and I rushed to the hospital.
We had no children and worked together, and we stayed in a nursing home about 1 hour from our home so that we could handle whatever happened to our mother while we were away.
At the same time, she was a very playful yet good-natured mother. I received a lot of love

I was told at the hospital that it might be a few more days, and I stayed with them the whole day. They seem to be in great pain, but sometimes they work hard to have conversations with us, and even if they try to increase morphine, they say “it's okay.”
We took a hotel nearby that day, and the next day would be even more difficult, and we left the hospital together after the visitation time was over, hoping that blood pressure and oxygen would stabilize slightly and not wake up my sleeping mother, so as not to wake up my sleeping mother.
After that, about 1 hour later, the hospital contacted me and said, “I've stopped breathing, so please come right away!” and.
When they rushed in at full speed, they looked so distressed, they weren't breathing, and they didn't even look at me.
The heart stopped 2.3 minutes later.

I wonder why there was no one left at that time. I wonder why I couldn't be by your side during a difficult time when they stopped breathing, so I'm so sorry and I'm not sorry.
My mother has been on three legs ever since her father died in an accident in middle school. It would have been nice if we didn't go to a nursing home and live together even for a little while.
Did you try not to show the hardest moment when you stopped breathing? No, that might be my convenient interpretation.
That day was exactly my aunt's first 7th day. My aunt loved my mother and me very much. I attended my aunt's funeral, and my mother, who was unwell, was unaware of my aunt's death.
Did they work hard until my aunt's first 7 days, or did my aunt and father come to pick them up?
When my mother stopped breathing, I was only able to stay with the nurse. I'm sure my mother felt lonely.
I look at various sites every day to find a place to put my heart in, but I don't regret it.

3 Zen Responses

It will continue to live within you even if you are not able to be treated with kindness or coughing

I saw it.

First of all, I would like to sincerely pray for the bodhi of your mother.
Your devotion to your mother has reached my heart as well. I'm sure your mother was also encouraged by the fact that you snuggled up to me during difficult times.

I think you've put in as much effort as you can. Mom doesn't necessarily want more than that. I'm not sad that I didn't make it in time. What's more, they would never want to see a daughter who continues to regret it. And I think your mother knows how you rushed in.

As you might think, your mother is an irreplaceable presence in this world, and she will continue to be a big presence in the future. Even if you don't come into contact with that kindness and cough, your mother will continue to live in you.
Rather than regretting what you weren't able to do, let's sincerely mourn your mother's body.

Relationships have meaning.

Hello. I saw that the regret of not being able to see my parents die was very painful.

I also couldn't accept my grandfather's death, and I regretted quite a bit that we only went to visit him once, and broke up without taking care of the end of his life. I think Tamago Boro also has a strong sense of regret because he was by his side with the intention of taking care of him.

I can only tell you from the perspective of the Pure Land Shinshu sect, but it seems that the Buddha called Amida Buddha gives a role to “all lives” and brings it out into the world.
What is that role? It is about conveying the ephemerality and preciousness of “life” to those who must leave it behind.
It's unclear when our lives will end. Whether it's the height of happiness or the bottom of misfortune, “death” will come. People think it's empty, hate death, and live their lives to avoid it. However, even if you try to avoid it, there will always come a time when you have to face death. At that time, the view of life where the life of a loved one up until then is “empty,” is the most empty.
Amitabha Buddha is a Buddha who wishes not to overlook the life that lives (dies) within that empty view of life, and that the life beyond death will go back and forth as a Buddha in the Pure Land of Paradise (death) (death).
Both those who came before and those who followed can meet again as Buddhas in the Pure Land! They will finish it for me.
The life of Tamago Boro's mother and the life of her aunt probably played a role in conveying to you the ephemerality of life to Tamago Boro, and the preciousness of this life, which can become a Buddha and give Buddhist relationships to bereaved families.
If it weren't for the deaths of your mother and aunt, you probably wouldn't have visited Hasunoha or seriously considered death. What does it mean to live with your own life? What does dying mean? Please don't just share your feelings of regret to the people who told me about it, but I hope you can express your gratitude. I'm sure we'll meet again in the Pure Land.
Namu Amida Buddha

I think I probably haven't really seen my mother in person.

“I wonder why I couldn't be by your side when I stopped breathing ❝ when it was painful ❞, I'm so sorry and I'm not sorry.” “I think ❝ I felt lonely ❞.”
This phrase in the question is “I wonder if that's right?” I felt that, so I would like to say it.
Strictly speaking, I think I just stopped breathing.
It must have been painful, painful, and certainly painful, but even more than that, aren't you imagining an even worse situation within you and blaming yourself excessively?
Don't you think your mother is still suffering even now?
You don't need a partner when it's really hard.
There are things you can't do about your own life activities on your own, and there are things that doctors can't do about.
This is because life itself doesn't have a “me.”
If your mother were alive, what would she look forward to in you?
I wonder if it was to be taken care of at the very end.
Isn't it about living a strong and strong life even after one's death?
When you get sick before your family and are in a situation where you absolutely have to die, what do you want your children to do if they are in the same situation as you?
I'm more than having my last death watched...
Please reread the title again.
I want you to add your own personal opinion to that and stop looking at things.
That's because you've always suffered from it becoming a bad habit.
Try things as they are, as they are, without putting your own personal opinions or feelings in the way they are.
You can meet your real mom for the first time there.
A mom who isn't your real mom is a mom with a unique story made within you.

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