My wife told me she wanted a divorce.

We have been married for 5 years and are a family of 3 with a wife and child (2 years old).
The child was finally born due to infertility treatment since my wife is in her 40s.
The other day, my wife told me that we would talk about it after the kids had settled down at night, and I decided that I wanted to get divorced.
Even after getting married and having children, the couple had unbearable fights over trivial matters.
At first, I was blaming my wife about why I was angry, such as why she said it that way, but recently I've been warned about raising children, and I've been told a lot about doing what I do
Then they became speechless, and the couple spent their time in a bad atmosphere with no conversation.
That kind of life continued for a month, and my wife told me the other day that I wanted to get divorced
I told them that I didn't want to get divorced.
The reason is the difference in marital values, and in the future, with myself
I don't think I can do it, so I think it would be difficult to bring my kids, but I said that I intend to rent an apartment and live on my wife's parents' side.
It's almost time for kids to enter preschool
They say they want to get divorced before they know much about their father
I think so.
Even though I can break up with my wife myself, when I think about leaving my kids, my tears fall in tatters even during work, and I feel extremely mentally unstable, and I want to die even more.

They may even commit suicide if they are in a state where they are slightly depressed even though they know that their parents are unfaithful.
My parents have a two-year-old child who is their first grandchild and they seem so cute and adorable that they can't help it, so if they get divorced, they won't even be able to meet their children, so I think they'll be really shocked.
My wife's desire to get divorced hasn't changed.
It's still been two sessions, but they're still in the process of discussing it.
I told them my feelings about my children and that I would like to improve my marital relationship in the future so that they can improve...
What on earth should I do??

4 Zen Responses

It looks like you've already done what you can do now

I think you've already done what you can do right now.

With this text alone, I can't even predict what will happen next time.

I thought this was a difficult question to answer, and for a few hours I was thinking about how to answer it.

These words were introduced in textbooks at my alma mater (monk training school).

There are 3 essential words anywhere in the world.

・Thank you
・I'm sorry
・Please

http://ryokeiji.net/howa/re-3kotoba.html

> If I had to say anything about the first one, thank you. The word thank you. Then the other word is sorry, isn't it? And the other one is in English, and it seems like the word please is. This is what Mr. Inukai said.

Thanks and sorry, you might be thinking, “What is that word?” However, these words thank you, sorry, and please mean the other person.

Please is a word where you think about the other person's feelings and ask if you want to do this. “If you don't mind,” guess the other person's heart there. And the word please is to try to do what you can for your partner and do something for them.

Yes, that's right.
I hope it will be helpful even a little bit for discussions with my wife.

Father even after divorce. child support.

Even if you get divorced, you're still a father to your child.
Even if they are divorced, their father may also come to see the daycare center during field days and recitals.
Even if the marital relationship is bad and they get divorced, I don't feel that it is necessary to break off the relationship with the child.
Except when there is DV or abuse.

By the way, even if I get divorced, I would like my wife to continue to pay child support as a father.
Poverty among mother and child families is a social issue in Japan.
One reason for this is that separated fathers do not pay child support.
If you have feelings for your child, please work well and pay child support until your child becomes an adult.

Once, surrender unconditionally

Sunflower-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

Thinking about suicide... if you have been driven to that point and are thinking about it, I think it would be a good idea to completely surrender, write a pledge of improvement, and show sincerity.

Of course, in that pledge, in comparison with the world, if there is something that is unreasonable no matter how you think about it, you should try to encourage that improvement first, but anyway, in order to avoid the worst situation, you should never defy it if it makes sense. Once here, let's surrender unconditionally and fulfill all demands. Also, by reassuring the other party, if there is room eventually, it is good to make corrections little by little in line with reality.

Anyway, if discussions are still being made between the couple now, there is room for full surrender to be accepted.

The problem was that they were quickly taken to their parents' house along with their children, and if they were to appoint a lawyer, they would be forced to move towards divorce mediation no matter what.

I'd like to do something about it before that happens.

I pray for good deeds.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

What have you been up to?

Apparently, when we get divorced or the like, we tend to talk about things that are aggressive and make amends in an attempt to fix things for the time being.
The difference in values is natural. Everyone lives by different values. Whether it's a parent and child, or a married couple. It seems that he said, “I know that, but...” but that's definitely not true. If you have an objection or criticism, why don't you just go in the direction of protecting yourself because you feel attacked? They don't want to beat up their husbands; they just want him to understand, for the most part. It's the basis of counseling, but when the other person says words about feelings, they first accept them. You should sing it over and over again. But when they fight, they can't even sing again. I'm so excited that words that come in through my ears don't reach my brain. When they think “I heard it,” they return, “Yes, this is how you felt.” If you can get away from pointing out your own correctness and the other person's mistakes, discussions will be meaningful. It's not a place to make your claims. “I'm sorry I haven't understood until now,” and if you can tell them this, you can stop right away. Whether she feels like believing you again, it's her turn.
Now, as a premise, if “I don't want to let go of my child, but she's fine,” please release them already. Her role is over, isn't it?

← all dialogues ← previous next →