I'm tired of being alive. I want it to disappear already.

Recently, I've gotten tired of being alive itself.
As stress builds up, memories of bad times and hard times stay out of my head for a long time, and at the end of the day, I start crying even in public. I live with my family, so I've managed to live a normal life, but it's honestly a healing time because I don't have to think about anything only when I'm sleeping. It just crosses my mind that it would be nice if I didn't stay awake all the time. Because of these symptoms, it's difficult to work normally now, which is pathetic... If you do something you like, symptoms don't occur, so it's easy to run away with that behavior. I also think that if you look at it from the sidelines, it looks like a ridiculously lazy person. It would be nice if this useless thing disappeared.

My doctor told me that walking 10,000 steps every day is a repetition of the same thing without changing my values, and I think that's true, but it's hard to do. (I'm generally able to walk as long as the weather isn't bad. (They are also recommended to travel abroad to reform values.)

I've had a lot of trouble, but I'm really tired, so can I solve them with the same method as my father? I want to be freed from the pain of living.
Somehow my head was tired and the sentences were difficult to understand, I'm sorry.

4 Zen Responses

I just live to the fullest

If there's something you love, do it to the best of your ability. I think that's good too.
If you take a walk, I'd like you to visit a temple too.
If possible, I would like you to listen to the temple's event schedule and participate accordingly.
Denomination does not matter.

It's still too early to give up.
There is no night without dawn.
Morning should come to your heart too.

Dad has been watching over you since the Pure Land.
Please watch, listen, and eat beautiful scenery, fun paintings and movies, and delicious meals.
This means that your father, who is watching over you, will see the same scenery, watch the same paintings and movies, and eat the same meals.
I'm sure your dad will be happy.

OK, let's buy a camera first

　Hello.

When the weather is nice, they walk 10,000 steps a day. That's amazing!
Sometimes, when the weather is nice, I also go out for a walk.
When I go out, I carry a smartphone with a camera function and take pictures while walking.
I live in Shizuoka Prefecture, and I can see Mt. Fuji very well. If it's cloudy, you can't see it, but Mt. Fuji shows various expressions depending on the climate and time of the day. I also take pictures like that. The nearest train station is under construction, and I take pictures of how the construction is progressing. Also, the scenery that you are used to seeing and feeling as an everyday scene may look different when you take a picture. It's interesting.
Then, I will post the photos I took on SNS (Facebook, Instagram, LINE, Twitter, etc.). You can get friends to hit the “like” button, and when you meet them, they'll say, “I saw it.”

What kind of place do you live? Are there any nice views on the walking course?
You can see the prefecture where you live from a monk, but in my image, I have the impression that it is a very nice place full of nature.

When you're walking, where do you look when you walk? For safety, it's also important to look under your feet, but by all means, take a look at the surrounding scenery while walking. I'm sure you'll encounter a “huh” scenery.

First, buy a camera (even a smartphone with a camera function is fine) and capture the moment you “huh” while taking a walk while looking at the surrounding scenery.

Please try going abroad

I read it. I read about the pain of your life. I understand your feelings.
It would also be nice to do what you like.

From within the text, there was talk of an overseas trip, so
Why don't you go to northern India?
I think the values of living will probably change slightly.
If possible, visit the Japanese Temple etc. in Buttagaya.
Also, visit Calcutta and Benares (Varanasi).
Then visit Kathmandu and Pokhara in Nepal and go trekking.
It could probably change your life.
The range of physical strength is fine, but be sure to try it out.
You're sure to get something and come back.
I sincerely pray to the gods and Buddhas that your future life will be rich and healthy.

First of all, please be thankful for living

　Hokkaido was also heavily damaged by the typhoon. I read the content, but I think dying is a really disappointing result. Today, too, members of the Diet in Hokkaido were being asked questions because they wanted to work hard to rebuild, but it's sad that they were born into this world and died thanks to their father and mother. I felt that they were really suffering. If you really want to die, why don't you help them recover from the typhoon, they will surely be delighted, Gassho

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