It's hard not knowing why they were born

I feel like I want to go to high school and learn. That's great.
However, if it's difficult in terms of money, I think you can also consider communicating or learning at night while working part-time, etc.

Compared to your friends around you, you're probably suffering from not being in the same situation.
It is precisely because your mother is suffering in the same way that that suffering takes on a strong tone and is directed at you.

When you're frustrated, yelling, or speaking in a strong tone, it's when you're in pain. I want them to be saved. I'm sure they want to make you like the kids around you, but I think you're suffering from not being able to do it.

You want to learn. And they are loved by their parents. Isn't that the meaning of living?
It's a world where it's hard to live without money, but I think there's a lot of happiness right under your feet that you notice because of that kind of environment. Try to look for positives rather than minuses. Never compare yourself to your surroundings.

My house is a temple, but it's a poor temple, and I can't live without working part-time with other jobs.
I was also worried about my career path when I was in high school.
I got a scholarship and went to a Buddhist university, and got a monk's qualification, but there was actually another university I wanted to go to. However, I gave up because of the high tuition fees.
My family wasn't well-off, so I told my parents that I would get a job if I couldn't go to the university I wanted to go to, but since it's a temple, they told me to go to a Buddhist university, and somehow I was swept away and enrolled.
However, I had to repay my scholarship someday, and I couldn't maintain my student life without a part-time job, so I had a grudge against my parents and poverty.
Currently, I get a job, earn a living from a job other than being a monk, and repay my scholarships every month.
Once you get a job, the scholarship isn't an amount you can't return, but there are times when you think “it's not a debt I wanted to do.”
However, if I had a job when I was in high school, I might not have had the opportunity to learn Buddhism, so I think the results were good.
However, when I see people of the same age who are active with medical qualifications that I wanted to go to when I was in high school, I also think, “If I had money at that time, I would have been like this too.”
In the end, I think I have no choice but to work hard within the choices I've been given, including money.
If I can do my best there, I'll think later, well, that this road wasn't bad either.
It's no good if you become desperate and get burned if your life is over because it's not your first choice.
A lot of unexpectedly good things will happen in the future. I can wake you up.

Mom isn't the only thing in the world.
However, I think it is precisely because I spent so much time with my mother that my mother's every word had a strong influence. Since your mother raised you alone, your mother also has a strong influence on you, and she may also be an absolute presence.
“For you,” your mother is a very big presence. But that's just for you.
Just “for you,” your mother's every word has a big impact on you.
But that's just for you.
No one else is influenced by your mother's words.
So it's fine to gradually... come out.
Since you and your mother are separate in terms of existence, try to convey your opinions to the extent that there is no backlash and to the extent that you don't cause antipathy from your mother.
One person said that when they were over 35, their parents' spell was broken for the first time when they were told, “You are your life, so you can do whatever you want.”
Until then, it seems that they had always assumed that it was their duty to keep up with their parents.
Apart from that, your mom doesn't bind you to your life itself.
Your mother wants to do this, and financially this is “impossible.” Let's take a break, about halfway between what I'm saying, and find good ideas, innovations, and ways to live.
If you're about to hit a wall, avoid it. Even if they bump into each other, they move on. If a wall breaks, fix it. If you get stuck in a stone, launch it. If wounds are formed, treat them. Even if you are told not to go any further, it will move forward. What lies ahead? What would you like to do? If you want to see that, then what do you do? Apart from that, I didn't say don't do that, did you?
Instead of simply communicating your dissatisfaction, it's also important to have good communication with your mother. It is no exaggeration to say that communication skills are everything in the world. People who are good don't fight with their families first. I have acquired the ability to communicate without conflict. No matter what you do, first develop the ability to communicate without fighting with your family. I feel that your challenge now lies first.　

Kazuma-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

Why were they born and are here, and why is it so painful and difficult to live...

I'm really wondering... so was my humble life.

To be honest, I don't get an answer right away, and I think it's still good to think that the answer won't come out that easily.

Also, even if an answer comes up, the question is whether it is actually the correct answer.

Furthermore, it is doubtful whether there is even a correct answer in the first place, and there is no single correct answer, and it can also be said that each has its own.

Anyway, it is certain that there is always a causal relationship (cause and condition) for “being born because you are born” or “living because you are alive”, of course.

There is no such thing in this world that would suddenly happen or perish without a cause or cause. All things and things in this world are made up of a myriad stream of causes and effects, even though they are complex.

Then, it was Shakyamuni who revealed one of the causes and relationships.

The most famous of these is the “twelve lucky signs” of “ignorance, action, wisdom, fame, six places, touch, receiving, love, taking, having, life, and death.”

The flow of hesitation and suffering is summarized into 12 items as a representative example, but those items are just large categories, and in reality they are more complicated, and originally, according to each person, elucidate that complicated flow so as to solve a puzzle, and prescriptions aimed at solving lost suffering are required for each person.

And, ultimately, it's up to you to resolve that problem. It's just that others are others, and even if you think about or compare other things, it's unavoidable, and it doesn't make much sense. Also, well, please think of others as others, and they are lost and suffering in the same way, large or small, due to ignorance (fundamental ignorance) and distress.

However, there are many teachings in Buddhism that serve as hints for solving these problems. Together with the above, it is called “Jitomyo, Dharma Light,” as Shakyamuni's will, and I would be grateful if you could continue to take an interest in Buddhism and proceed with your studies and practice.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho