How to accept a husband

Thank you for your hard work. Not to mention my husband, but the counselor herself seems to be having quite a hard time. The state of crying and asking for help is quite serious. It would be pretty unreasonable to be kind to your partner with this. It sounds like they're worried about children too. Please don't hold yourself alone, and if possible, consult with each other's parents and friends.

I don't know the details, but don't blame yourself for saying you have to be kind. Maybe it's painful that your husband also has to do it.
First, determine the situation. If you're frustrated, check “Oh, my heart is frustrated!” How about accepting it that way of confirming your husband's feelings, “Oh, that must be painful”?

Yukiko

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

Did your husband consult with the public health center or see a psychosomatic medicine doctor? How are you doing at work?

Mutual cooperation with a good balance is important in marital life and child-rearing. I am concerned that if Yukiko continues to be a one-sided burden, she will eventually destroy her body due to stress, and that the marital relationship will become even worse due to growing dissatisfaction. Also, I'm worried about the impact on children. We know that in bad cases, it could lead to abandonment of childcare or abuse.

If your husband is really depressed, I think recovery will be relatively quick in the early cases due to consultations at public health centers and examinations with psychosomatic medicine, receiving appropriate treatment, and appropriate responses from those around him. Of course, it is necessary to consider in advance that it will take some time to recover from mental illness... but the problem is that if mild depression eventually transitions to bipolar depression, schizophrenia, etc., it may take even longer for treatment and recovery.

There are also people who are often denied medical examinations because they don't want to be formally diagnosed with depression, because pride does not allow it, or is afraid of discrimination, but currently, social understanding of mental illness has deepened to some extent, and how people around them should treat, call out, and watch is also quite important for recovery, and support and cooperation from those around them is always necessary.

Furthermore, by using various public subsidies and assistance for mental illness, early return to society may also be possible.

However, if it is really a case of “depression,” I also think we should explain the circumstances, including each other's parents, siblings, relatives, etc., and persuade them so that they can stand firm with their husbands. I think it's OK to consult with the public health center.

In Buddhism, we place great importance on the causal relationship between good cause and good (easy) effect, bad cause, evil (bitter) effect. Anyway, if you continue to accumulate too much dissatisfaction and stress, it will lead to many worries, and this can lead to various bad things and bad results.

I hope you can think about responding with a positive attitude so that we can somehow improve the situation.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

First, don't collide with your opponent in the real world or in your own inner world.
Regardless of whether you accept it or not, as long as you live together under one roof, you have a husband. This state of affairs cannot be denied or rejected.
It's contradictory and painful because I want to reject it even though I can't do it.
What do you think of this kind of thinking?
I don't dislike my husband when it comes to eyeballs and ears as the root of things.
It just shows Dawn there, and it just makes a sound.
It only gets in the way and becomes a problem when your own mind sees your husband as a problem.
Moreover, even if it interferes with your husband or causes a problem with your husband, if the person in question doesn't care at all and is lying, may be sleeping, or may be in the bathroom, you just see it as a problem and suffer from your own poison gas, which is a loss.

Right now, when you're watching this, the spoiled husband may be doing what he likes. But when you didn't see it as a problem, you must have completely forgotten about yourself. That's just the right sense of distance.
If you strengthen your hatred by taking things from the past, you are the only one who will self-destruct with that toxic gas energy. loss, loss.

Dogen Zenji shows this in Shoho Genzo's Conflict Volume.
Roughly, humans make things as inconvenient as conflicts and wisteria wrapped around the mind and body evil, but they think we should learn how to look at things where conflicts wrapped around trees are simply wrapped up, and they live together as they are and are not a problem at all. (Significant)
For example, you may have a problem somewhere in your body, but there must have been a time right now when you forgot about it. Maybe house loans, parents-in-law issues, child issues, and marital problems are piling up, but all of a sudden, they must have forgotten all of a sudden.
I also have temple debts, but when I don't see it as a problem, I'm at a loss.
It's just that “if you look at it as a problem, a problem will occur.”
First of all, if you don't hate yourself excessively, don't have tantrums or hysteria, and treat your husband as he is, you'll be able to communicate well, and I don't think they'll avoid you.
I think it's better to refrain from denying, criticizing, and accusations, since I think your opponent will have more and more distance and will run away.

To Yukiko

The two became husband and wife due to a relationship.
I'm sure my husband has something good about it too.

When I asked my senior couple the other day
What is the secret to living a long marital life
We received responses that they did not expect from each other.

It's also true that you can't be kind.
But since they're a married couple, they really want to do something about it.
How about living face to face with each other's true intentions?

It's a great relationship.
Please take good care of it.
I'm sure it makes sense. Gassho