It's been painful and painful since I became mentally ill, I want to feel better

I read it. I read how very difficult it was. I read it as if it were my old self.
I understand your feelings.
First, if possible, please get a thorough examination by a specialist and then receive counseling.
And please talk about your feelings.
Please face yourself slowly while doing so.
It may take a long time, but please don't give up.

Then, as you face yourself, little by little, you will be able to see light within yourself.

Please don't be in a hurry.

Your life matters. Your life has been given with great care. Please never be lousy to yourself.

You might think your life is yours, but it's not yours.

Your life is a given. Please don't forget it.

As you can see, life is full of mountains and valleys. It's so hard to live, but it's something you've been given. Eventually, they will overcome those mountains and valleys.

I've lived my life doing that too.

Both you and I are weak, but both of you and I are always being watched over.

Please make sure you live your life and don't forget it.

I sincerely pray that your mind will be calmer, that you will feel safe in your precious relationships, and that your mind and body will eventually be freed and that you will live a healthy life while getting along well and helping each other along with everyone around you.

It's painful, isn't it?
My teeth are probably itchy when I can't do anything.
If you're a healthy person, if you stay in a futon all day, you'll be full of happiness...
When it comes to mental illness, it's not fun at all, is it?

If you want to overcome the current situation, as Mr. Ikkouji said, there is no other way other than undergoing a psychosomatic internal medicine examination.

OK, read it with a hole in your ear.
There is no complete cure for mental illness.
Even after treatment, it floats and sinks, but the ups and downs gradually weaken, but most people throw it out along the way.
There is a thing called Dawn, and depending on how you use it, it's fine, but since it temporarily revives, I misunderstand that it's completely healed.
It's troublesome when that happens.
Treatment is carried out with a strict long-term perspective.

Since it's an illness, it's natural that it's not fun, and it's natural that we can't communicate. It's natural that I don't feel like screaming.
What you need to do now is cure.

Yoshimura-sama
Hello. I took a look.

You've been able to work hard until now in the midst of hardships. I think you've been pushing your own thoughts to death by living within the values of the world, the values of others, and the values of your parents. Didn't you have a “self that was overdoing it” within you? I think there's a feeling that I wanted my family to understand. Yoshimura, who has worked so hard, is admirable. So wouldn't it be okay to just take a short break? Speaking of games, I've run out of MP (mental strength). My emotional balance was out of balance. Let's recover by resting our bodies now.

Write down what you did today, what you felt, and what you thought in your notebook. At first, you can just stir up your emotions, or it can be feelings (or anger) about your family. Then, imagine the “words you wanted your family to say” and write them. That's the word you wanted. I'll find the “self I wanted to spoil” and “the self I wanted to be accepted.” The reason why the feeling that “this should be done” arises is because “mental assumptions” such as “not being accepted” and “not forgiven” are behind it. Let's seize the opportunity to write in a notebook, have a self-meeting, and look at it objectively by relativizing that there might have been a slightly different way of thinking.

If you feel uneasy, take 3 deep breaths and slowly. Be aware of your breathing. I put my inner anxiety on my breath and slowly let it out.

You have lived through suffering, and now you have a relationship with the Buddha. The Buddha didn't abandon you. Nothing I've lived until now has been in vain. I am convinced that you are a person who lives being watched over by the Buddha.

Let's start by continuing to seek things that aren't there, not being controlled by expectations, and by appreciating things that have been taken for granted until now. You don't have to get bogged down. The air isn't judging you even when you're hopeless. I say thank you. There is no one-shot reversal in Buddhism. However, little by little, the bottom of my heart is being filled. I'm rooting for you.

Gassho