I want to ease my husband's heart

It's unclear how old my husband is and how long it took until they remarried,
The longer this, etc., the longer it is, and because of work, there are also reactions due to caring about patients...

I know you should have seen a psychosomatic medicine once.
First of all, I think it was possible to try it out from there.

It's so painful that all the casual words are taken that way. I'm worried about my husband's health, but I'm worried that Toko's feelings won't be broken.
I thought the best solution was for my husband to stop drinking.
You may think “I'm an adult, so it's about alcohol...” but biological experiments have also proven that alcohol addiction is far more difficult to quit than stimulant addiction. It may be your husband's only pleasure after work, but if you understand why you drink alcohol, you can replace it with something else.
・Stress relief
・I want to eat and drink delicious food
etc.
If it's stress relief, you can move your body, and if it's delicious, there are other things.
I think it's also good for better dental treatment. If it's difficult for Toko-san to recommend quitting drinking, it would be good if people around you cooperate.

Everyone has a “hi” attached to it, so I call these the three fires.
pessimism... dark thoughts negative thoughts
Deny... cancel bad give up reject
Criticize... blame them for being bad and stingy

These are things you won't do or won't let you do.
These negative energies are negative consciousness that afflicts humans, bad bacteria in the mind, and are truly the flames of worry.

What is the opposite of good bacteria ascetic practice
① Optimistic ② Affirm ③ Praise
The first thing the wife can do is continue continuously to light a candle in a casual conversation so that she can finally do this even by herself.

Specifically, when there is a backward statement in the conversation, I will switch to a positive statement.
“Oh, anyway, eventually... again...,”
Optimistic ① “I think it's fine.” “I'm glad.” “There's still more to come.”
Affirmation ② “Hi, I see, that's true” (but denying anything is strictly prohibited)
Praise ③ “Isn't it amazing? As expected, thanks to you, you've been saved, I'm glad we got together” (^.^)
The wife will also increase the number of uplifting remarks such as, and continue to pour in expressions of constant affection.
Your husband is probably
A Do you have few experiences of being praised or approved by your family or loved ones,
I think B has fallen into a little perfectionism because of his own lofty ideals.

A The root of the Inferiority Consciousness Complex is fear and anxiety.
I don't want to experience the bad feeling that I'm inferior to anyone else any more.
Please tell me clearly that only you will be on your side for the rest of your life.
B-perfectionism means you can't forgive yourself even with 99 points. The thought circuit is a point deduction method, and the problem is that it decreases. If the ideal height drops slightly, it becomes calmer.

We should encourage them to pour their feelings into what they were able to earn, what they learned, etc., so that it becomes an addition system where points go up from 0, where they were able to do this or that wasn't done either.
Gratitude is the best way to encourage and praise.
It's about continuing to express your gratitude when you say goodbye and when you go home.
The basis of positive thinking is the elimination of negative consciousness.
I think the “way of thinking” will gradually change as the person himself suppresses his negative sense of pessimism, denial, and criticism, and continues to be optimistic, tolerant, affirmed, praised, and approved by those around him.

Toko-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

In the Buddhist precepts, there are five commandments that housekeepers should keep in particular.

Immortality commandment... you can't kill living creatures unnecessarily
Fushou Stealing... Don't Steal
Unholy Fornication: No Adultery
Immortal Reminder... Don't Tell a Lie
Refrain from drinking alcohol... don't drink alcohol

As Mr. Toshiyasu Masuda said, I think alcohol should be kept low.

Drinking too much alcohol causes damage to the body, and can also cause mistakes in normal judgment due to inability to control various worries, and even ruin life itself. Accidents due to drunk driving and injury cases due to fights can also be cited as nuisances to others.

Drinking too much alcohol can induce anxiety and lead to bad work, so it can be thought that even in Buddhism, it is necessary to establish a “no-drinking rule” and keep it.

My husband seems to change his personality even if it's not extreme when alcohol is added, so it seems that he is still addicted to alcohol, albeit to varying degrees.

alcoholism
http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/アルコール依存症

The person himself probably doesn't have that recognition, so it seems that it would be good to take the time to treat it little by little while getting the cooperation of everyone around you, with Toko-sama in particular at the center. First of all, I think it would be a good idea to consult with the public health center for proper treatment, and I think it would be good for the parties and families called an abstinence party to consult with each other and participate in a self-help group to support abstinence.

Sobriety party
http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/断酒会

Also, how to relieve stress and relieve them from pressure and dissatisfaction without relying on alcohol is also important. I think the support of my partner and Uko will be essential there.

Anyway, my husband's acceptance of addiction, emotional issues, and my husband's personality also exist, so I think it would be nice if you could take your time and work towards improvements without being impatient.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Namandabutsu.
Toko-sama
There was a similar case near me.

I think it's also difficult because of my husband who takes patients seriously every day.
There is also a limit to online consultations, so please let Toko-sama decide whether they are helpful or not.

Thank you very much for listening to Toko-sama's serious thoughts.
There are a few things I want to keep in mind.

As you might have guessed, Toko-sama doesn't change easily when it comes to distrust of humans.
However, even for couples who only quarreled at the beginning of their remarriage life, their 100% level of disbelief may drop to around 80% while saying so after 7 or 8 years. I hope it improves little by little.

As for alcohol, rather than recommending abstinence, I am thankful that they are prepared to say “I don't like being told bad things over alcohol, but my love for you hasn't changed” and “I didn't decide to remarry because I was upset to such an extent.”

My husband also wants to believe in people, but the pain of not being able to do that, and his anxiety intensifies because he is not good at balancing forgiveness with forgiving one's heart. Isn't that the case?

Perfect treatment for patients is required, but in the case of married couples, isn't it easier to have a relationship where they can complement each other's week points?

There is a similar case close to me, but I keep in mind that Toko-sama herself isn't swayed too much by paying too much attention to her husband.