My parents are too disrespectful and it's painful

When I was in college, I also realized the greatness of my mother when I left my parents and started living alone. I was grateful from the bottom of my heart for cooking meals, for washing and folding clothes that I had taken off, and for starting to do housework myself. Then I learned how difficult and heavy it is to get money from my first part-time job, and my respect for my father deepened.

As far as I can remember, my father only told me something twice.
One is when it's time for university entrance exams. I fell down at all the universities I had hoped for, and when I hurriedly applied for the secondary recruitment due to the late schedule, I thought, “If even this fails, can I try the university entrance exam again as a ronin?” That's when I heard that. My father said, “I won't talk to anyone who talks like that before they accept it.”
The other was when I said I wanted to be a monk. My father showed reluctance, but finally he said, “Don't throw away your ambition.”

I'll be 30 in August, and I'm still in my 20's. I also have a daughter who is 2 years old after getting married. I became a parent. A lot of things I had felt until then have changed into conviction. First of all, my parents aren't raised because they are “Rika.” They are raising them because they are “children” born to a married couple. And I'm not suffering “because” of my kids. “Thanks” to children, I am able to face pain.

Rika, who had just been born, couldn't do anything alone other than crying and suck boobs. Then they walk, laugh, get angry, talk, and lie. Every time I became able to do various things, I received irreplaceable hopes and smiles from Rika. There's nothing to lend or borrow there.

So please don't live “for” doing filial piety. Please don't suffer “for” the comfort of your parents. Above all, I'm happy just because you walk your own path powerfully while stumbling, falling, and crying.
Both I and Rika are still young. Just as filial piety that a baby can do is to grow up quickly, isn't the filial piety we can do now live a straight forward life?

After 20 or 30 years, parents will no longer be able to do anything alone. Let's keep returning the favor until then. Until then, I'm continuing to burn my ambition to become a straight living self.

Rika

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

I was also allowed to deal with “My Parents, Thank You for Your Love,” in the following question.
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/125

In Parents' Grace Shigetsune, ten items of great blessings of parents are listed, and the content encourages the practice of Buddhism in order to repay them. The false sutra theory is dominant, but it deals with content that is extremely important when thinking about parents' blessings.

I would be happy if you took this opportunity to know about it, and I would be happy if you thought about being able to repay your kindness to your parents, what you should do in the future, and be happy with good deeds.

Also, my parents are not suffering in order to raise Harika-sama; they are working hard to hope for Rika-sama's happiness, and I also know that if Rika-sama suffers because of that, the parents will simply be saddened.

The following is a quote from the Wikipedia commentary
http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/仏説父母恩重難報経

Prenatal Care
Since there is no time to rest from suffering for ten months after receiving the child for the first time, there is no desire to want anything else, and I just think that I can give birth safely with all my heart.

Immortal Suffering
During childbirth, the suffering caused by labor pains is unbearable. The father is also frightened physically and mentally from worry, and all grandparents and relatives are heartbroken and worried about the mother and child.

Giving birth and forgetting
After giving birth, the joy of parents knows no bounds. The mother forgot her suffering until then, and when her child raised her voice and started crying, she was steeped in joy as if she had been born for the first time.

The Blessings of Breastfeeding
The mother, who had a flowery complexion, breastfed her children and became exhausted for several years while raising them.

Thanks to the Incurable
Whether it's a frosty night like water or an icy snowy dawn, they put their children to sleep in dry places and sleep on their own in damp places.

Unclean Grace
Even if children urinate on their clothes or clothes, they wash and rinse with their own hands and don't mind the smell.

The blessing of swallowing and vomiting
Parents eat bad food, and let their children eat delicious food.

Blessings of evil work
For the sake of children, they are unstoppable, do bad deeds, and are content to fall into bad places.

Distant Reminiscences
If the kids go far away, they will focus on it at 4 or 6 o'clock until they come back.

What is mercy
While I'm alive, I try to take on this suffering, and I hope to protect my children even after death.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

It seems that they think a lot lately about letting me raise something, but has there been anything recently that makes you think of that? If that's the case, it may be a source of trouble other than the relationship with Rika and her parents.

Also, even in similar situations, there are many people who don't feel guilty at all, so Rika is probably someone who is sensitive because of her parents' feelings. It's not that their parents are too disloyal, and I think they have a kind heart where they feel that they are unfaithful.
Hardly anyone has the confidence to make them feel comfortable in the future. What is there is a sense of familiarity that wants to make it easier.

I don't know the details, so it's just my personal opinion, but I think true filial piety starts from where you feel guilty or that your parents are unfaithful. So, you don't have to blame yourself any more. Also, don't deny your feelings up until today, keep them in your heart drawer, and look back at them when appropriate. Oh, if you think back to it, there will surely come a time when you think that was the beginning.

I don't know how they made their parents feel that way, but first of all, the feeling that I want to do filial piety this time
① I want to be able to have good conversations with my parents without getting emotional
② I want them to understand and accept me correctly
③ I want to do something to help my parents
Why don't you switch to that feeling and think about it?

This is because the best act of filial piety is “building a relationship where parents and children can talk without hiding anything” = open communication, and an open parent-child relationship.
This is because it is also the most reassuring thing for your parents and you.
Differences between parents and children should be repaired as soon as possible.

Since I bothered my parents in the past, there was a time when I continued to feel sorry for them, couldn't communicate well, and our feelings passed by each other.
It's a strange expression, but your parents didn't have the experience of raising you until they had a child named you.
Parents and children are not perfect from the beginning, and small conflicts should be repeated as they grow, and the best relationships should be found for each year and age.
Every day is the first time we have lived together as a parent and child, and every day is a series of brand new things and we are developing together. There may be various clashes in the future.
More specifically, I think we should find the best relationship with each other while remaining unfinished.

Rather than seeking a perfect child out of 100 in order to improve the parent-child relationship, how about starting again from the laid-back perspective of being good at a bowl account, a reasonable distance, and around 60 points?
There may have been a painful part of not being able to meet parents' expectations, but let's start by restarting the parent-child relationship before filial piety.
It may be embarrassing to tell, but when you're talking with your parents next time, why don't you gather up the courage to talk about the fact that you feel sorry for your parents, that you have feelings of shame, that you want them to understand me more, and that you care about your parents?
If it makes you feel emotional, write it down on paper and give it to them.
I think that is the best act of filial piety you can do right now.

Hello, Rika.
Are Dad, Grandpa, and Grandma sick?

They say the more you fight, the closer you are.
That means I'm not indifferent. Being worried means being watched over.

First of all, what is a family? People who live together under one roof? People who are related by blood? That's probably not all.
+ I think it's a group where “generous kindness” is given.
Calling out, preparing meals, cleaning, arguing... etc.

Rika seems to be in the family.
However, apparently Rika feels like she is just taking it...
I've only benefited from my family where everyone but me is older. I can't give anything back. It's hard not being able to do filial piety.

But please wait. Your parents aren't being exploited by you.
You have already been generously treated with kindness by you and your family.
Calling out, preparing meals, cleaning, fighting, studying as a student, working part-time, going out to play, and staying healthy.

Also, it doesn't mean that you have to return the favor you have received to the person who received it.
I also think it would be nice if I gave the favor I received to someone else.
Otherwise, the happy cycle won't continue. I'm sure parents do that too. One of the people I'm sending it to is Rika. I mean it's you.

“I want to make the future easier for them. But I'm not sure I have that kind of power.”
What I think this way is the child's sex (character). I understand it very well. But isn't it tough? I don't even have any income... You can't win even if you stand on a handstand.
There are things you can do even if you don't have money or power. Thank you as always, or something. Like preparing meals.
Finally, one thing typical of Buddhism. There is something called the seven fortunes. It's meaningless if you don't have feelings for it, but you're my daughter. I just need to put in my daughter's feelings, and if I think so... wouldn't it be easier?

If you were a normal mother, ask God to have children,
What is the first thing you think after getting pregnant safely?
Anyway, I want them to be born safely! Isn't it?
And thank you for being born to the child who was born safely,
Thank you for being born here.
And if you put a lot of hands on it and make it bigger,
Thank you for growing up so much.
It's natural to have trouble raising children.
And thank you to the kids who want to do filial piety.
Thank you so much for that feeling.
And thank you, Mom, for giving birth.
Thanks for just being alive.
Thanks everyone.

Nice to meet you, Rika.
Reading this question made my heart warm.
I can't believe you in your 20s can feel like that
If your parents knew, I'm sure...

Mizukami-san said it too,
“Thank you for being born to us”
“Thank you for growing up to this point”
“I want to be a filial daughter, but...
Thank you for growing up to be a child with a kind heart.”
And, “I'm sorry for the parents who made me feel like that.”
Wouldn't it be?

Don't think “it's painful to have too unfaithful parents,”
On a daily basis, “Thank you so much as always! (Laughter) Well, thank you so much!” with
Even if I just say one word, take it to Rika's parents in their 20s
I think that would be enough filial piety.