Daughter's death, and then

You say
“Will I be freed from this feeling? It's not painful, it's a time when I can laugh and remember.”

Yes. You can do it. I will definitely visit.
For that reason, it is possible to spend every day looking forward, and having the young lady perform a memorial service from the bottom of her heart. Also, please stop thinking backwards.

These are really hard days. I think Junchi-san has been asked this question before, but I think it has been a great struggle for the past 3 months to complete the daily work for your family, even though you have been worried and tormented.

I think we naturally have the power to stand up, just as small grass breaks asphalt to sprout. However, isn't it such a slow speed that you can't see it or feel it? There's no way you can hit asphalt properly and smash it. However, no matter how long it takes, I think it's okay to believe that “they will definitely sprout someday.” If I can believe that, I don't think I need to be impatient to force myself to change my mind right now.

I also sincerely pray for the young lady's souls and the safety of Junchi-sama's family every day from a remote place.

Hello Junchi-san.

How are you doing after that?
I know it's painful to remember, and the suffering that cannot be healed continues... I know it's painful.

There are words I speak during vigils and funerals.
It seems that these are the words of a person named E. Glorman. The content is...

The death of a parent means losing your past
The death of a spouse is a loss of your present
The death of a child means losing your future
The death of a friend means losing part of your life

This applies to everyone attending the wake funeral (“siblings” are included in any of them).
How about for Junchi-san?

It means losing. That means there's no going back to the way it was.
It's the same for the eldest daughter, and there's no going back.
Junchi-san will never go back to her former mom.

So what should I do??

The key point here is
“What Junchi-san does Junchi-san”
No matter what happened, no matter what happened, no matter how suddenly you changed your mind, you are you...

Eventually we'll go to the same place as our eldest daughter.
But that doesn't mean you want to meet at the same place so you can't hurry up the season. They say “*** will live too,” but “Junchi-san is doing what Junchi-san is doing” is essential.
It's fine.
Everyone in the family walked together. The eldest daughter seemed to have stopped for a moment.
They'll watch over you from behind. But it's not that far.
The speed at which we each go through our lives is not fast.

Someday, the time may come when you will be freed from this feeling.
There may come a time when you can laugh and remember it instead of being painful.
Until then, you are who you are.

Finally, I will introduce the notes of the mother of the victim of the serial child murder incident that occurred in Kobe in Heisei 9/3.
The cherry blossom season has been a difficult season for my mother. They say there are no breaks, but... it's a note from 15 years after the incident.
“The painful spring has finally returned as something gentle and familiar.” “The benefits brought by the time we have accumulated step by step are greater than I had imagined, and it gave me the power to take a bird's-eye view of the 5,000-day journey that was painful. It also reminded me of laughing carefree and being genuinely happy like when that kid was around.”

No one can take the treasure in your heart. It's proof that you can stand up as many times as you like.

Nice to meet you
The grief of the bereaved families is unbearable.
I think that grief is immeasurable, especially for a mother who has lost a child.
But let's change the way we think. What does the deceased daughter think?
When you're sad, don't you think you made your mother sad because of your own death?
I didn't die because I wanted to die. I wanted to live, but my fate made this happen.
It's not my daughter's fault. I accepted my fate and left for the other world.
Isn't the daughter in heaven heartbroken to see her sad mother?
Where are children happy to see their parents suffer?
If you were a mother, I think you would know best how to feel if you were your own daughter.

The Hyakkkaichi memorial service is called abstinence. It means let's stop crying.
Let's stop crying so as not to make Heaven's daughter sad anymore.
But before that, let's cry with the whole family. Please throw away all your embarrassing feelings and shed tears to your heart's content. Please shed all of your tears. May tears wash away the sorrow in your heart.
And after that, let's smile for our daughter. Thanks to you, I had a great time.
thank you and
If I say this to people, I don't know if I can do the same thing if I do the same thing.
However, I think the best memorial service for my daughter is to smile and see her off to heaven.

It's not a bad thing to cry.
It's not a bad thing to be sad.
It's not a bad thing to be reminded of either.
Being sad isn't a bad thing.
Hard work isn't a bad thing.
―――It's definitely not something that can't be done, nor is it a bad thing.
I can't do this for my husband or my second daughter!
You should be aware that the thought itself, which has been restrained by saying “that's a bad thing or bad thing,” is still binding you and making you suffer.
Please untie it right away. You should be true to your heart.

“So what should I do?”
Will the time come when we will be saved from this suffering?
What should I do to stop feeling sad?
How should I spend my days?
what should I do? how?
What should I do? What should I do?
―――Sometimes, try to stop looking for better changes.

You should be aware that the idea of “I have to do something for you” and “I have to do something” itself takes away from you peace of mind, dialogue with yourself, and dialogue with your daughter.
Please stop your habit of thinking about trying to do something right away.

“Being able to just spend time without doing anything is a tremendous power”

Your attitude of trying to move forward is amazing.
But I think your true heart is crying out heartbreaking right now.
That's because I'm lying to myself somewhere.
So, there's no need to even try to forcibly seek change from now on and move forward.
Don't even think that there is an answer only in doing something.
“Doing nothing,” “doing nothing,” “not thinking “I have to do something.”

As a full parent, you have done the best for your child, and have been fulfilled.
Let's take some quiet rest for you and your daughter too.
It's about taking a break from “Motome” and “I have to do ○○.”

They dare to do nothing in order to untie the rope of self-restraint and no-rope self-restraint.
By doing so, you should be able to face yourself, have a true dialogue in your heart, be saved, and restore your smile.
I think it's fine to be a bad housewife, a bad bride, a bad mother, and a bad person.
Please ask for forgiveness for the day and have a quiet day spent doing anything.
When you've completely fallen into a bad situation, the smiles of a fresh start spill out.

To Junchi-san

I think it's going to be hard.

It is said that he was buried in a nearby tomb.
It may be hard to remember it up close, but I think it would be nice if it was close and easy to pray.

I think the pain is painful.
Even if it's painful, I think it will make you remember it.

This suffering may or may not go away.

But please don't worry and remember it for them.
Please feel safe and cry.

And don't worry and show love to your other daughter.

Both painful and painful may or may not change.
But it doesn't have to be hard or painful.
What is painful and painful may be painful, but my daughter has passed away. It's a matter of course.
Please do your best to think about your daughter.
Please feel at ease thinking about your daughter.

Also, please take it for granted, just like your other daughter.
As an important daughter, please take care of her to your heart's content.

It's okay if you cry because of painful memories.
And don't worry, laugh at the other daughter with the same thoughts.