How to restore strength to penetrate one's will

　Nice to meet you. You're reading hasunoha, aren't you? There are probably people who say “ask for yourself, read only the answers for yourself, and that's it,” but I feel that the fact that there are people like you makes use of the characteristic “being open” here. I'm thankful for that.
Well, there's a saying “originally hates humans,” but this isn't “originally,” is it? Don't you have “memories and feelings of being betrayed by people you believe in (people you should believe, people who are natural to believe),” and you “hated humans” from that point on, aren't you?
And I'm trying to protect that self-image. “This is my identity!” I mean. I was told a lot of things by people around me, and they wrote “I started marriage hunting with a sense of opposition,” but the fact that they had started was already shaken, right? “No matter how nice people come, they will reject them 'because they hate people'!” Did you keep thinking? Like “buying a Vuitton bag to throw away”?
I shook my own “identity” with words from others. It looks like they're upset about that.
But I wonder if I don't need to define myself with such difficult words. “Huh? “Maybe I can have a boyfriend too?” I greeted you... I was excited... isn't it OK to acknowledge myself?
From my point of view, I think your “I hate humans” is “just an infant decision.” In other words, it's one type of trauma.
The basis of Buddhism is that “everything, not to mention living things, flows = continues to change.” Then he said, “I'm ○○ against iron walls!” you shout. I'm not going to stop it, but my answer is, “That's probably impossible.” I can read the feeling of “I want to stick to my will,” but to put it simply, we are all in the process of aging. I've wandered around a lot, and I can't feel the depth or depth of “after all, I am,” right now.
So, I said, “Don't overdo it.”

This is a poem by Yamaoka Tesshu.
“It's okay if it's sunny or it's cloudy, the original appearance of Mt. Fuji hasn't changed.”

There are people who say they've come all the way to see Mt. Fuji, but they're hidden in the clouds and can't be seen.
However, whether it is clear or cloudy, Mt. Fuji is there without changing anything, and it is only human selfishness that distinguishes good from bad.
It's just a story about enjoying clear Mt. Fuji when it clears up, and when it's cloudy, you can enjoy Mt. Fuji beyond the clouds.
I wonder if that's what it means.

As far as I can read the sentences, Nem feels overwhelmed.
Aren't you too particular about your character who hates humans or the words marriage or singleness more than necessary?
Why do we have to stick to our will?
If I bend my will, will I lose?

I think it's okay to lose a little more shoulder strength ^^

If you have a good relationship, isn't it okay to get married?
If you don't have a relationship, you can enjoy being single.
Time passes and the world is moving regardless of your expectations.
Sometimes, you can just let that go with the flow.

The answer was contrary to your will, but the Buddhist way of life is like that.

I read your question.

Pressure from people around you
It's good to bounce back once and for all, but I think it's also a good idea to dodge them...!
I feel like it's not a bad idea to try refining the technique of “passing the wind into the willow.”

Once I decide to “do” and “not do,” I feel like my heart shakes every time something happens.
Maybe “do it or not do it either way” or “if you have a relationship, then” is probably easier as a way to be in the heart.

Nobody knows about the future.
What's more, no one else is responsible for your marriage.

If you listen closely to the voices around you based on that,
Don't you feel like “the feeling of worry may be serious, but the basis of the content may be ambiguous”?

Let's receive only the kindness that makes you care about yourself, and let the rest flow as appropriate.
As much as strength to stick to intentions, such suppleness may be necessary in life.

Your life is yours, no matter what anyone says!
Let's live so we don't regret it!

Gassho

ah...
Did people around you preach a lot?

I felt that there was a lot of backlash from those around me.

Aren't you taking good care of your own feelings...?

What do you think?
is it just out of a sense of repulsion...

Or maybe they didn't like being shaken by others who were slightly aware of “marriage”...
I don't like myself because it seems like I've been brainwashed...

Maybe the only reason I couldn't stick to my intentions was that I had a flexible mind that was able to listen to people's opinions.
If so, it can be interpreted as growing up as a human being.

No matter what, what is more important than the strength to be able to stick through your intentions like before, what do you want to do now? That's it.

“What should I do!” well then...
There is a good chance that distortions will come out after getting married.

Even if you think “it was wrong after all” after getting married, it's not that easy to fix.

Please go back to square one more time and think about marriage hunting.
Due to changes in age and circumstances, the timing when you really want to do marriage hunting may come out in the future.

I don't think we need to decide anything right now, but what do you think?