Life Counseling

Nice to meet you, Yuyu. My name is Tetsuya Urakami.

First, as a premise, this is my opinion on information from Yuyu's side. He may have his say, but let's leave that aside for now (^_^;)

I read the story and felt, “I wonder if my husband hasn't made up his mind to have a family and become a father yet.” Yuyu is 23 years old, how old is he? If you're the same age, it's a little early, isn't it? Maybe it's also about age.

I read “Living expenses and hospital checkup expenses etc. so that I can finally get it recently” and “I paid last month” written by Yuyu, and I felt very sad.

As you said, women will develop awareness as parents when they become pregnant, but fathers may not realize it until their children are born into this world. Yuyu's husband will also develop a sense of responsibility at that time, and he may become a good father. I remember that from the bottom of my heart.

However, there is a possibility that this is not the case. At that time, Yuyu, it's time for you to be prepared. Please, put your child first.

And I hope your grown up child doesn't speak ill of him. As you say, “being a child is not a crime at all.” Were you born from parents you don't like each other, or were you born from parents who loved each other even though their relationship was interrupted?
For the child's mind, the former puts a burden on them.

Again, I sincerely hope that your husband will be a good husband and a good father.

Yu-Yu-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and naturalization. I know that morning sickness has been successfully completed, and we have entered the stable and late stages, and we will finally be busy preparing for childbirth and child-rearing.

My husband, as Urakami Tetsuya also said, may still be less aware and responsible for becoming a father.

I wonder if medical examinations have not been carried out together until now... I think it is necessary to watch Echo videos together on the spot, discuss delivery with the doctor, and also develop awareness and responsibility little by little, by touching and making them feel fetal movements and make them call out on a daily basis.

Also, if possible, ask your husband to be present and give birth. There are things that men cannot easily understand about the difficulties of childbirth, but I also think that having them feel it with their whole body, even a little bit, and have them firmly engrave their awareness and responsibility to become a father will also be important in the future.

To be honest, raising children after giving birth is more difficult every day than during pregnancy, even for Yuyu. When you return to your parents' house, your mother's cooperation will also be necessary, but I think it is also necessary to get used to the child-rearing environment and create a system where they can cooperate by getting help from your husband as soon as possible. If child-rearing is unilaterally borne by Yuyu, it will not be good physically or mentally, and this may have a bad effect on the child...

For married couples, a well-balanced relationship based on mutual support, help, and sharing is important, and of course, good balance will become essential even in raising children.

I sincerely pray that my husband will be able to cultivate his awareness and responsibility as a father at any cost, and that she will give birth safely. I'm also really looking forward to seeing your mother's happy face.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Yu-Yu-sama.

Good morning.
When you give birth for the first time, various anxieties and thoughts may go through your head.

What I think when I look at the parents I've been involved with at nursing homes and preschools is that parents rarely follow the same growth rate.
I am moved by the sincere feelings for the children and families of those who have begun to grow up, and the other person often becomes a parent.

The husband seen from Yuyu's point of view may have been 20 years since he was born, but as a parent, he may still be no different from a 0-year-old baby.
According to sutras, a human being must climb 53 steps to become a Buddha.
It's hard to suddenly become a full person right away, even as a parent.

The way we use our time and how we spend our money needs to change as the shape of the family changes, such as singleness, marriage, and childbirth.
We also need a part where we forgive our lack of satisfaction as parents. However, if you allow them to maintain a stance that does not change no matter how long time has passed, it will be difficult for the future.
It's actually nice to have someone other than Yuyu who can properly tell your husband about that.

It seems that Yuyu grew more quickly as a parent, but regardless of the difference in growth, I would like to keep in mind that if the couple were compared to plants, they would blossom and bear fruit.

Hello, Yuyu.
Congratulations on your marriage and pregnancy.
I just smile when I see a pregnant woman. I'm delusional that it's inside (would it be rude to say something like that? sweat).

Okay, let's talk about the two of you.
There seems to be no reason for mom or dad to put it down.
There's no reason, even if it's a child you just got by accident or something you didn't plan on.

You seem to understand that there is no reason for that.
But maybe Dad doesn't understand.

It seems that his experiences haven't caught up with the “fact that he will become a father” yet.
As the other monks said, let's think about names together, such as taking them to Echo or having them read picture books on their stomachs before going to bed... Look for things that haven't been done and take them around.
... if they say I'm being insistent, why don't I leave my husband behind and get along well with my real mother and parents-in-law?
... Or, after giving birth, they may finally be able to face each other after they have grown to a certain extent.

It's natural to think “I want you to become a father soon.” I think I'll confess that this is how I feel about being a parent. I just want you to listen to it.

A married couple is not in a contractual relationship. It's a male-female relationship. A relationship between each person.
That's why I think deeply about that relationship. That's why you can pretend you don't know.

Leave your money behind and unify your household budget. How much is the utility bill and how much is the food cost, so I'll deposit this much every month. It seems that there is a need to prepare...
Also, what you do and what he will do for you. Don't wear it. Shall we let them have a role?

　To Yu-Yu-sama
A child is a gift. I pray for safe delivery.
There are some things that are a little difficult to convey from this sentence, but it's probably like this, so I'll answer it.
① Men are like that. It would be premature to conclude that he isn't like a father at this point. Now, there are men who are aware, there are people who are aware during childbirth, and when they hold a child, and when a child gets married, the speed varies. It's also important to keep an eye on Mr. Yuyu without being impatient. “You're the father, aren't you?” A barrage of shots shows burden and discomfort to the opponent. Yuyu also said, “You're a mother, aren't you?” Wouldn't you hate it if your mother-in-law made a bunch of attacks? The child also said, “You're my older brother (older sister), aren't you?” That would be a burden.
② When it comes to money, I think there are circumstances where my husband can't pay. It is said that medical insurance is not effective for childbirth, but since allowances such as lump-sum payments for childbirth and childcare are paid, it is recommended that you consult with various institutions.
③ I think it's best to give up on things you think are more painful than compromising. There are quite a few women who go back to their parents' house during pregnancy or childbirth, so if it's that hard, I think it's better to stay in a place where you can rest than become a big problem later.
(Conclusion) Write on paper that you want them to do this concretely before saying father's awareness, mother's awareness, child's awareness, etc., and pass 60% if possible. Let's show how much time adults can afford to forgive 40%. The more you bring up your worries, the more it's proof that you want to grow, so please keep on posting.

I also have a 3-year-old boy and an 8-month-old girl.
I'm still training Ikemen and Ikedan, and I still have white belts.
To be honest, I had no idea what to do at first.
I was determined to do whatever I was asked to do, but from a woman's point of view,
“Why don't you do anything until you're told to do it? A cold person, isn't he?”
It seems that this is thought, but the male side intends to accept it if asked (waiting for instructions).

It seems like people think that my husband doesn't feel well...
I just genuinely don't know what to do at first, and I'm just wandering around.
I also attended my father's class, but I was the only man.
Please think that this is also a reality in the world.
I'm sorry that there aren't many parts that can help you when it comes to breastfeeding, crying at night, and falling asleep.
It seems that the friends easily separated their rooms for each other.

Conclusion: Men move as soon as they ask while shouting.
Even when asking for something, it is very helpful for a woman to do this to her husband, while encouraging understanding that it is a wonderful thing as a husband
(This is important →) Yoisho, the point is to ask while floundering.
“Sorry, can I ask for this? (^-^)”
“Thank you,” “I'm adding,” “You really are an ideal husband, aren't you?”

Also, as a man, have women been around for many years? The woman who is the partner I came with
Until now, there are many people who feel lonely even if they don't talk about it as a man's pride, even though they have been shown as “lover,” “wife,” “good conversation partner,” and “partner they cared about the most,” but due to pregnancy and childbirth, she suddenly became a mother, and the fact that she became flabbergasted as a man's pride.
There is also an aspect where men cannot understand and keep up because it is such an abrupt and rapid change.
♡ Tricks ♡
Men still have empty, empty buckets that look like they see you as their former lover or the object of romance.
I think the secret to a happy marriage during pregnancy and childbirth is that you sometimes pour gasoline of love into that bucket even more than the child in your tummy.
Surprisingly, even on the male side, there may be some dissatisfaction.
If you scratch that itchy spot and give it to me, men are simple, stupid, and powerful. (^-^)

Hi
I also had my first child, and my wife had been a mother since she became pregnant,
When I first hugged him, the father switch finally turned on.

However, my husband said, “Recently, I've finally been able to receive living expenses and hospital checkup expenses, etc.”
When I hear that, I feel like my “husband” isn't aware that he got married before his “father.”
Also, when I hear them say “I paid last month,” I feel like I can't expect anything in the future.
That's because I think there is a problem with my father, my husband, and as a “person” as a “man” before that.
There are also people who can't learn “remorse and apologize only on the spot...”
I think they will continue to do the same thing over and over again.

Most of the respondents here are men, but if it were opinions from women
I think people will say, “That's no good.”
If your mother also raised you alone
I think you too can raise that child by yourself.

Various teachers have stated various things,
First of all, why don't you have a good conversation with your husband?
At that time, I had your mother present too...
If possible, ask your husband's mother to attend.
There are a lot of women and pregnant women, so... please let go of your dissatisfaction with your husband...

As Urakami Tetsuya and Kawaguchi Hidetoshi also said, I know that my husband still lacks awareness and responsibility to become a father...

You'll soon be able to become a mom, right? As the same woman, I'm happy too.

If you're 7 months pregnant, your stomach will stand out and your baby will move a lot, right?
I can already feel the light and sound properly and hear the voices of my mom and dad. I'm looking forward to seeing you soon.
Even if you develop awareness as a mom, you will also feel uneasy about upcoming births and child-rearing. A pregnant woman's body is delicate! Don't turn into maternity blue. Let's try not to think too much about the negative.
Kids choose their parents properly, so it's okay ◎
My husband and I should become parents together.

As is the case with my husband, men are surprisingly insensitive at times like this. Why don't you understand? Every woman thinks, “I want you to do this. If you don't tell them over and over again, “I'm worried about this,” you won't notice it.

I understand your feelings very well, but please don't get frustrated or anxious, and talk slowly with your husband. Things like money are especially important. I want them to look a little further and make plans.

It's fine. Trust your husband.

It's an important body, so don't overdo it (*^^*)

To Yu-Yu-sama

What is the real feeling of being a father
It's not easy to get carried away compared to what my mother really felt.
To be honest, I think this is a difficult part compared to mothers who have a period of growing up in their stomachs.
I've seen them actually hold my newborn child, etc., and the number of times they are together again has increased
I think something called a sense of reality will come out.
So can you just wait a bit?

However, as something that can be done even now
It's possible to talk about how you feel right now
I think this is very important.
Why are you dissatisfied, what kind of things do you dislike, etc.

Are there any pregnant women around me that I can talk to again?
If not, recently meetings for pregnant women have also been held under the auspices of the city.
So let's talk about what we think on a daily basis.
Maybe there are people who agree
There may also be worse cases... Gassho

※Incidentally, Toyama holds yoga classes that pregnant women can also participate in.
A roundtable discussion was held after the end, and they each talked about raising children and various things
Of course, we became friends, and it was a wonderful meeting in many ways.
If you like it, we look forward to seeing you.