I can't say no, and it's hard because I have a weak heart.

I've always been unable to say no, and I have a weak heart.

They give up on invitations to eat from people they don't like, and they give up and take on tasks that nobody wants to do.

I don't really understand it myself, but when I'm being questioned about Yes No, I feel as if I'm being threatened, and I'm like, “If I don't accept it here, I'll die!” I'm caught up in that kind of feeling.

Also, I'm really bad at lying, so I can't easily refuse to give an appropriate reason.

I face things I couldn't refuse and didn't refuse in that way, and I think, “If you put up with it, time will pass and you will be freed from these things, so just put up with it.”

It's caused by myself not being able to say no in the first place, but it's painful.

Of course, the feeling that I really don't like it has not been conveyed to anyone, so people who think I'm not good at it are rather liked, and things that nobody wants to do are going around more and more.

As I became an adult, I learned a little bit about refusing with lies such as “my schedule is full...”, but even so, I couldn't escape from someone who devoured me.

Recently, I was lightly sexually harassed by an old man, but even at that time, I was just so scared that I couldn't properly reject it, and I thought, “Put up with it and let time pass anyway.”

Fortunately, this incident was brought to the attention of the police, so it was quite a bit, but I was disappointed that I couldn't say no even during this situation. I'm about to turn 30 and this weakness.

I've had a lot of bad feelings in my life up until now, so why can't I say no to bad things?

I don't want to hurt myself any more, so I'd like to do something about my faint hearted personality, but I'd like some advice.

Thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

Say no when you want to say no

Pepchi Dozama

You have a very kind personality, don't you think? You said you're nervous, but I think it's a great courage to take on everything. It's not easy to do. It's definitely not weak.

Do you feel very afraid of the people around you? And what do you think will happen if you refuse?

I turned it down, and it went by without incident. It's something that people around me don't care that much about. And there's nothing to be afraid of. Please take a close look. It's just that you've created everything in your own mind without any basis.
Even the sense of intimidation you think your partner feels is just creating it yourself.

You are a strong and kind person. And if you're going to be in trouble when you say no, why don't you think about it at that time? I refuse when I want to say no. There's no point in worrying about the future. There aren't any scary people.

That's amazing.

It is liked by people who don't like it.

Doesn't that mean that your world is expanding more and more thanks to your personality that you can't say you don't like?

I can't say I don't like it, so I put up with it until I pass by what's right in front of me.

That means

Even though it's a job I don't like, I'm doing everything while putting up with it.

That's it.

Maybe you're someone who can do anything more than you think.

Everyone hates doing bad things.
However, it is also true that too many people run away just because they don't like it.

You don't like it, but you're doing it.
You might think that, but you can't do what you can't do.

Maybe the number of things I can do is increasing more and more through them?

You may think it's a personality you want to fix yourself, but if you look at it from people around you, you may think of it as someone you can trust who will do it if you ask for it.

Certainly, it is necessary to say “no,” but I think there are many things you can do without saying no that are probably useful to you.

If it doesn't work, gather up your courage and say “no.”
Don't worry about what comes after that, just say “no.”

But before that, please think carefully about which one would be a plus for you before replying.

Your personality may be a “bad” personality from your own point of view, but maybe your “merits (virtues)” that other people don't have are hidden.

Prioritize what you need to take more care of.

They probably don't want to be disliked.
It prioritizes “things that people want to think well of.”
Even if you ask for people's hearts, there's nothing to be gained.
Mottainai also wastes hours due to only a few seconds of hesitation.
What should be given greater priority is getting rid of one's own burdens, one's own happiness, one's true self, one's own dignity. Act the way you want.
For the sake of your dignity, let's prioritize this one too.

After that, let's learn 3 or 4 skills to say no well.
“Thank you. That's great, but today my relatives are coming from the countryside...”
The following is a joke (laughs)
“Thank you very much. Today alone, no matter what... depending on the religion I believe in, it would be a bad day to never take on whatever is asked...”
“Thank you very much. I'd like to help you if possible, but today I'm reuniting for the first time in 30 years with my twin sister, who survived when she was young and lived in confinement while wearing an iron mask in the basement...”
Don't get too good at lying. (._.)
It's just a matter of turning it into a convenient light to protect yourself.
Actually, it's desirable to be able to refuse properly and honestly, but it's a lethal weapon when you can't do it by any means.

Not being able to say no becomes an experience

Nice to meet you, Pepuchido-san.
This is Nakamura Taishaku from Tokushima Prefecture, the temple of Dharma and ceiling paintings.

Peptide-san doesn't like being able to say no, and I don't like myself for doing anything.

I am familiar with feeling threatened when asked if Peptide says yes or no. If you say no, you're afraid that you'll be ridiculed or labeled as someone you can't do.

The fact that Peptide did it without saying no is an important experience in life. Not everyone can eat with someone they don't like. If you take on a job that no one likes, you may also make new discoveries.

But clearly say no to sexual harassment. There is a possibility that Peptide is in danger.

Nakamura Fumiaki succeeded from being penniless, keeping “whatever is asked, everything tested” hidden in his heart.
Not being able to say no is also unique. Let's take on things that people don't like.

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