Self-loathing

I dropped to the university in Tokyo, which was my first choice, and passed another anti-slip university in Tokyo, the university in Okayama.

My father asked me which university I was going to go to, and since I wanted to learn cutting-edge technology at an urban university, I wanted to go to a university in Tokyo to prevent slipping.
Then, my father, who had been in favor of me going to Tokyo until now, suddenly ran out of ideas and screamed about not being spoiled.
Until now, they've been telling me to choose whichever one you like and do whatever you want, but I don't understand why.

My dad is self-centered and sometimes violent. However, there are also a few gentle and interesting points.
They are so kind that I wouldn't be able to have any of my friends.

I became afraid of my father's anger trying to blame me too much, so I decided to go to university in Okayama as my father said, without bothering my mother.
I cried a lot, but I've already decided on my career path. I thought I'd move forward.
However, I still have regrets, so I stayed at my mother's aunt's house, who is always on my side, and I wanted to become a college student feeling refreshed, and I tried to go to my aunt's house, but my father scolded me for not running away.

And regardless of whether I changed universities, my father cut ties with my family, never showed his face again, and told me to pay the full tuition fees myself.

With that explosion, I told my sister who couldn't wake up in the morning due to an autonomic nervous system illness (it removes stress, heals over time), quit high school, leave the house, and go to a facility like a mental hospital.
My sister told me that she didn't think whether you took stimulants or committed suicide right in front of you.
I feel sorry for my little sister who was hurt because of me.

I'm too scared to see my father.
I don't want to think of it as my father anymore; I'm afraid of crying because they get angry when I cry.
I can't stop shaking, my nausea doesn't go away, but I don't know what I'll do if I don't put up with it.
It's still fine for me to feel hurt, but it's painful for me to make my mother and younger sister have a hard time with flying fire.

I feel like my family is dying because of me, and I'm killing my family.

Was my attempt to go to my aunt's house an escape?
What should I have done?

Anyway, please take it easy on my feelings.
Please help.

4 Zen Responses

For now, I went to my aunt

Hello. Even though I went out of my way to pass the exam, it's kind of suspicious.
Your mother seems to be on your side, but as far as I read, she doesn't seem to be too reliable. What is that, and is such a mechanism already in place?
First things first, anyway. Even if you don't stay overnight, let's connect to your aunt's house once. What is demonstrated there... is acting ability!! I make an appropriate, plausible story, and the actual thing is that I go see my aunt. If it's far away, ask your aunt to come out (with your mom's cooperation there) and talk about it even for an hour.
As far as I can read (in other words, as far as I can see it from your point of view), I don't understand “suddenly cut out,” so maybe I'll start by searching for “likely things” around there.
Also, for the university, why don't you seriously make a concrete plan to “borrow tuition fees from your parents once and then repay them” for the time being. “This is my plan for independence.” Say something like that, and ask your parents to check it out?
Usually, “breaking a relationship” is something children do after they have reached adulthood. I wonder what happened to Dad. Have you changed jobs?

Let's get away from dad

From now on, all of your life decisions will be decided by your father's momentary selfishness. That's why I think it's better to think about keeping a distance from your father. I think it would be nice if your family, including your mother, could discuss the future.

While listening to the story, I felt like my father was sick. I think it's okay to think about ways to encourage your father to go to the hospital or stay in the hospital. First, I went to the hospital for advice with my family, and then I had my relatives cooperate and take them to the hospital.
I think your father is also having some problems.
Either way, nothing good would happen if we stayed together like this. Also, if your wishes come true, I think it's okay to change the way to Tokyo even now. Please make a decision you won't regret.

Let's get back on our feet... please get away from Dad for a while.

　First of all, congratulations on passing the university.
You say it's anti-slip, but that means you won't be able to take the exam for a university you don't want to go to or pass, so it was really nice in that sense. Please praise yourself.
On top of that, it's about my relationship with my father... I'm also the father of two children of the same age as you, and although there may be a difference in degree, I feel like my actions, such as verbal violence, are really written in the content of the question, so I don't think it's someone else's matter, and I'm still reflecting on it now.
First of all, your home isn't going to be ruined because of you... I can say that clearly. So please don't blame yourself anyway.
Dad wants to do everything the way he wants... One of those thoughts is that he wants to raise his two daughters into full human beings. OK, I want them to become “great” people. That idea isn't wrong. As a parent, that's natural.
However, if it's about yourself, your own efforts will work, and if you fail again, you can reflect on it, but you have confused a daughter who is not yourself with yourself. It is a way of thinking that children are the property of parents... it is generally a way of thinking that is not uncommon.
I don't think you can make a father change his mind like that.
Can't you ask for help from people around you... I think we should consider relying on an aunt as an emergency measure at this time. Can't my little sister act together at that time...
If you leave it like this, I feel like serious problems will occur in your home.
Anyway, please evacuate from the current situation. Let's think about the rest together with those around us who lend their help.
Before your heart and your sister's heart are broken... please run away for a while...

Break up with your father.

Hello, Lai.

A father's filial piety is important, but a father is not necessarily a wonderful person who cares about his children. Among the fathers in the world, there are people who don't look like fathers.
As far as I've called for a consultation, I think your father is a man who has severe emotional ups and downs and cannot be controlled. In such cases, it's also important to leave. It's not a bad thing at all.

I don't know much about my mother because I can't see her, but it's also important to talk to your mother and aunt to create a new life. In that case, it's difficult for women alone, so you can ask for a male collaborator, or it costs money, but a lawyer is also good. You are disqualified as a human when you commit violence.

There is also the issue of school fees. I have to look for a scholarship or start a part-time job now. To put it in a slightly stronger way, I don't have time to worry.
But a happy path will always be paved. Let's move forward towards a new life based on the current reality first.

I support you too. If you don't know the details, please contact us anytime if you want more advice.
In that sense, you, the eldest daughter, have to do well. You will definitely be able to overcome this challenge. Good luck! Gassho

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