How to get rid of anger at my mother-in-law...

I married my husband 4 years ago, and since the marriage was decided, my dislike for my mother-in-law has grown steadily and I have been suffering.

The very first one was when my dad died.
I lost my beloved father when I was a teenager. I was so depressed when I died so fast.
At that time, I can't forget being befriended by my husband's mother, who was still in a relationship with her at the time.
My mother-in-law has a religion, and she told an acquaintance of the same religion who lives close to my parents' house about my father's death and the cause of death without permission, and brought her to my parents' house.
For me, someone I didn't know at all of a sudden came to my house, and it would be painful for my father to die, etc., and they came to comfort me in a disrespectful manner involving religious discussions.

For me, who was unable to accept my father's death at the time, being told about my father's death by someone I didn't know anywhere was really nothing but pain.
What's more, I'm not a member of that religion, and it's really sad and infuriating, so much so that I even thought about breaking up with my husband because of that incident.

Even after that, at weddings and receptions, things hurt me.
I don't know how to digest within myself what was done in a once-in-a-lifetime formula.

There are many other things that I can't think of with my common sense, and I'm getting worse at my mother-in-law.
However, within me, I have a feeling that if we can get along well, I want to do it.
My mother-in-law is probably not offended.
That makes me suffer even more.

And above all, I want to somehow get away from the days of worrying about my mother-in-law every day since I got married.
There are times when I even want to die.

I just want to live laughing every day. I want to do well for my husband too.
What should I do?

4 Zen Responses

Let your husband understand

It made me feel bad.

I don't know what kind of religion it is, but solicitations for some religions are often carried out in a state of some kind of brainwashing, imprinted with a sense of group and mutual aid, so they may not listen no matter what they say.

Resolutely, it would be nice if I could pass this off as if they don't have an ear to listen to it either, but that wouldn't be the case when it comes to relatives.

As they say, there is nothing wrong with your mother-in-law, and she probably thinks for you, so it's going to be extra troublesome, isn't it?

What does your husband say about that?
Even though you're a parent and child, your husband is the only one on your side.

Have you told your husband about that?
Talk honestly to your husband and ask for opinions on what to do if you want to get along well with your mother-in-law.

Even if your husband also agrees with that religion, if you don't speak properly and get them to understand just your feelings, you will become mentally ill.

It's not about religion, and the purpose is to make you feel comfortable, so if you can successfully convey the feelings you experienced and disliked it, based on the premise that your mother thought about that religion from the beginning, and put the main focus on what to do to get along well, your husband will surely understand.

It might be difficult, but why not try it out first?

There's no offense, so don't hate your mother-in-law.
The assumption is that they will get along well.
Please try talking carefully and calmly so that religious discussions don't stand out.

If your husband has a good understanding of you, you should definitely be able to get along well with your mother-in-law.

Keep a moderate distance

In any family, there is probably a part where the wife and mother-in-law are basically more or less on bad terms.

You don't have to be particularly friendly, do you? I think it's good to keep a reasonable distance and keep living.
If you remember things from the past even now, you may feel like reality, but things from the past are no longer the same.

Please think carefully about religion and make a firm assessment of whether it has content. I think your mother will proceed with you precisely because she thinks it's a good thing, but keep calm about that.

Wouldn't it be better to put aside things from the past, take a close look at the situation at that time, and if there is something that you think is a little good, try praising them and flattering them, and make them feel good? ^_^

I don't think my mom is a bad person.

What kind of religion are they in

Suddenly it was me, but the other day, two women called “high school classmates” visited us. I don't remember looking at your face. What was the requirement was a solicitation of an emerging religion. It is a type of religion that exorcises spirits. It said, “Because the temple is there too.”

When I told them to stop believing in that religion, they immediately went home. From what those people dressed and said, it seemed that they were rather unhappy because they had joined that religion. I later learned that collecting money is so difficult that it is a method of bringing in new believers if they can't pay it.

I haven't mentioned the religion my mother-in-law belongs to, but if it's like the one above, it's a religion that makes people unhappy, and that chain of unhappiness extends to you. Why don't you isolate yourself from your mother, or go back to where you originally joined that religion and get rid of the source of your mother's suffering. I think it's difficult to resolve it with a gentle approach.

There are as many family rules as there are families in the world, and there are my rules as there are people

The fact that my mother followed that kind of religion probably means she had a lot of trouble in the past.
Since you're the mother-in-law from where you got married, the feeling of “surely” was probably inside of you. That's a great thing.
However, in reality, Oshutme is a different person than ideal.
I think you had a great deal of trouble until you were consulted here.
Let's take the plunge and think that aliens are really, really different from their type.
This is very effective.
You should think that you are a complete stranger.
Forget the “sense of home.”
That way, you can treat them rather calmly.
There are as many family rules in the world.
There are as many My Rules as there are people.
What's more, that kind of religion takes away even one's personality.
If you don't clash your rules with your mother-in-law's rules, the problem will be over right away.
It is said that there is no country with as strong a “sense of home” as Japan.
Personally, I'm one of those people who even think it would be better to abolish even the old fashioned words of bride, marriage, etc. This is because people in the position of being a bride are having a very hard time behind the scenes.
A relationship that does not recognize the dignity of each other's homes and the values of one individual destroys a family.
It's also about acknowledging your mother-in-law's personal values.
However, even if they are solicited, they are good at refusing. It is a family that recognizes each other's dignity.
I think it would be better for my husband to read this question and answer too.
I think my husband is actually responsible for this issue.
The point is whether your husband fully recognizes and protects your dignity, focusing only on your own house rules.
If your husband is at the mercy of your mother, you must endure it. At such times, keep a distance from home and do regular feudal acts of filial piety to your parents' house. Even married women have the right and obligation to perform filial piety.
Don't get caught up in a sense of home.
You are you.

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