Husband's past revealed after marriage

Mr. Pudding

If you think about it from the story, it seems like divorce isn't being considered. If you're going to have children, that's a great thing. So wouldn't it be better to leave it up to nature? Does that mean you want to forgive your husband's past?

As Mr. Pudding said, this is a thing of the past. The past is past, not now. Isn't your current husband attractive? If the husband in front of you is important, isn't that fine? Memories, imaginations, expectations, comparisons, etc. are all lies. Just look at the husband in front of you right now. That's all. It certainly may have been hidden. Maybe it was hard to say. Take it as an expression of not wanting to lose you, focus on your husband's love and your love, and move forward.

Please get away from a life where you live with thoughts, and live while confirming the reality and love that lies ahead of you. We don't have a past or future.

If I were to put myself in your position, I don't think I would be able to forgive you. It must be painful, and it must be frustrating. In particular, the reason your husband kept quiet was that he started telling a lie, so it must be really frustrating. Why didn't you say that beforehand? It's clearly against the rules.

Also, as you said, there is no guarantee that new problems will not occur when children in college grow up.

However, since it means that they are sincerely apologizing, it would be necessary for them to acknowledge that. Even if you try to force yourself to forgive, it's not something you can forgive, but if your husband's attitude doesn't change in the future, there may come a time when you can forgive.

I'm a religious person, so I know many examples where people's way of life changed in contact with religion. Actually, speaking of our Jodo Shinshu, a person named Rennyo was a child before his father had an official marriage. When his official wife came later, she became “which child is this.” In this case, Rennyo Shonin also had a hard time, and the real mother was pulled away and lost track of her whereabouts, and the father's official wife, who came later, probably felt bad about it too.

I think that hard work created a great religious person; in other words, suffering became a seed, and a humanity that empathizes with the suffering of many people, forgives, accepts, and envelops people.

I myself cannot forgive people. I've always hated it. Well, it's ridiculous that I'm a person who doesn't lie to anyone, doesn't cause trouble, and has never made anyone feel bad. It's all lies. That's why I think the reason I'm alive is being “forgiven” and kept alive. I think so, but after all, I can't forgive others when they do terrible things to them. The relationship between humans alone ends up being “unforgivable,” but when I receive the world between the Buddha and I, I can see just a little bit that my unforgivable self is being forgiven.

There is a limit to struggling to forgive an unforgivable husband. Even if I tried to forgive, the Buddha was there for me who couldn't be forgiven, and he forgave me who I couldn't forgive.

It must have been a tough time.

It happened just when I was dreaming of a happy marriage, so I think my heart was even more heartbroken.

However, since things are just things, and only you can decide, you have no choice but to think about a method that you are satisfied with.

I'm sorry to have bothered you, but there are a few things that are important for you to think about the future.

The first is whether the husband “recognizes” the child.

Once a child is recognized, it is legally recognized as a “legitimate child” on the family register, a child whose blood has been officially divided.
Naturally, there will be some kind of legal interest, including child support and inheritance rights issues.
This is an issue that has a lot to do with you as long as you are married.

Therefore, if you don't think on the premise of “not being recognized,” it will have a lot to do with the future you are worried about.

Second, once you recognize it, you can't cancel it.
This is determined by the Civil Code due to the relationship between inheritance rights, and nothing can be done about it.
Therefore, recognition must be carried out carefully.

However, even if you refuse recognition, if a lawsuit is filed by the other party, you will inevitably be in a weak position.

It is possible to exchange a pledge of abandonment of recognition, but there is no legal provision, and the current situation is that once it becomes a trial, etc., the effect is actually weak.

Therefore, when it comes to this, the only way is to believe in it after discussions and satisfaction between the husband and the other party.

This is a very painful story for you, but that is the current situation in Japan.
So you have to make up your mind based on that.

Of course, it was your husband's fault who hid it, and there's nothing wrong with you.

But what you need to think about the most is how much you love your husband.

If you knew about it before marriage, were you married to your husband, or if you thought about staying with your husband even beyond that.

If you know and are still married, then you should think about children for you.

You should be happy for you.
Whether you should live with your husband or have children will both be determined by how deep your feelings for your husband are for you.

You're still young.
Please think about the future for you.

I personally recommend divorce.
We've been married for a few months.
If there aren't any children between the two of you yet, you can start over as much as you want.
On the other hand, if they had confided in you, would they have gotten married? I think this question will provide an answer.
Other than that, ask yourself the following questions slowly.
・Do I still like that person?
・If there is something attached to that person, will they hate it?
・Is being lied to hurt and painful?
・In the future, when you think about that child, will you feel jealous or cool down?
・No, it's a spousal issue, and when I think about my child's complicated feelings, is it an issue that can be sorted out cleanly?
I think big conclusions have already been made at a point where there has been quite a bit of rejection at this point.
Conversely, please keep in mind the hopeful aspect of people who get married between divorced people, and people who have stepchildren and remarry, that area can be easily cleared.
You must have been shocked that you were lied to.
The first thing is to separate, go home, and then break up.
Then you will definitely come to your own conclusion.
What you should focus on and what you should prioritize is your life without him.
I recommend that you calmly think that marriage was an event and move in a direction where there will be no blurring in your life for the next few decades.
Even if you get divorced because of this, people around you will sympathize with you.
・Should we forgive him and walk together
・Do you want to start over without compromising
If you live until the age of 120, you have 90 years left.
If you are unsure, please contact us again.