Daughter's death, and then

Junchi-sama.

It's already been 4 months, isn't it? Or is it still 4 months?
You may feel both of them, but it's a mother-daughter relationship that took 15 years or more to build. I don't think grief can be cured in a short period of time. The hard days continue, don't you think?

It seems that grief care (grief care due to loss of a close relative) is based on 13 months in Europe and America.
It seems like “1 year plus 1 month without that person,” but I think at least 24 months are necessary. As I went through 2 “seasons without that person,” I gradually realized it.

Of course, it doesn't mean you'll feel refreshed in 2 years. Especially in the case of an adversarial relationship (the younger one dies first), it may not be possible to completely accept it.

As for moving, are you going to lose places with fun memories, or do you lose places with painful memories? Whichever one you choose, I think it has advantages and disadvantages. Please think carefully.

However, don't worry that those who have died have become spirits and are there.
I believe that the eldest daughter has become a Buddha and is always watching over Junchi-san's family everywhere.

How many more consultations will we have here...

why don't we stay here for a consultation somewhere else?
In addition to this, can they actually have face-to-face consultations?
If you can't stay there, please do an “actual face-to-face consultation.” I am concerned that it is beyond the limits of internet consultation, and I recommend it as such.

The grief of losing your beloved daughter is painful, isn't it?
They say that the month and day will resolve it, but it's quite difficult, and the more you go by, the more you think about it. It's a really painful suffering for those left behind.

What would I do... I want to stay here, I want to leave.
Now, I have become a Buddha, and even if they say that they are always with us, I can't see that figure when I'm worried, so sometimes I feel lonely. No matter where you go.

If your family's feelings calm down even a little, it might be a good idea to move. Also in order to move forward. I think the answer everyone in the family gave is something my daughter wants too ◎
However, I would like you to continue to have an important relationship with the temple. Cherish the precious Buddha relationship with your daughter until you can say thank you and be grateful.

When it comes to moving, rather than discussing it here,
I think it's a good issue to discuss with the family.
If the emotion called “flashback” comes up
It might be a good idea to consult a specialist.
There is also a method called “TFT” as a way to relieve grief.
http://www.jatft.org/stress-caring.html
Search for a site where people with similar circumstances gather
It's also a good idea to talk about it.
If consulting here will ease your mind, that too
It's a good method.
However, the daughter who died just because she was sad
Please don't do anything to make them suffer.

Hello Junchi-san.

Thinking so much for a family member who died. As a single person, I think it's amazing.
Also, I wonder if humans think like that... Furthermore, I wonder if humans are also the ones who think and then act...
For example, go to Mount Osore. Mukasari votive plaques. ... I wonder if they visit graves and give water to Buddhist altars every morning.

However, it is probably “no coercion” as a mother's duty, as a family duty, and as a human duty.
We celebrate birthdays because we want to celebrate. I feel sad because I'm sad.
I want to move because I want to move, and I don't want to move because I don't want to move.

As Junchi-san thinks, both her second daughter and her husband seem to have many memories.
I feel that there is a range of “happy memories” and “sad memories” from the viewpoint of “family memories.” We recommend talking with your family about this gradation. That's because the people who live in that house are your family.

　I don't think I'll feel much better after losing my beloved daughter. I feel like I understand why I confided my concerns here. It's a topic that touches on swelling. Who can talk face to face? I wouldn't be able to do it. The air around me... It's going to become. specialist? It seems like it will take some time until I feel like I can go. A community in the same position? Your problems are compared to mine... It seems like they say things like that. I think I think a lot of negative things. It would be just me. Among them, “That's not true.” If you think so, please use it.
If someone in a position like you came face to face, I wouldn't be able to say the above. I can say that because it's a consultation room on a site like this. I can't say it because the convenience of blindly throwing things around and having my daughter watching over there is also clumsy.
The hardest part is not being happy when you want to be happy, not getting angry when you want to get angry, not being sad when you're sad, and not being able to enjoy when you're happy.
If you read my answers and feel angry, please get angry. If you feel sorry, please be sad. Please use this site even more to overcome the feeling that you can't talk to anyone.
Humans may be living side by side with death from the time they are born, and even before they are born. If you become a monk, you will make a testament (resignation poem) every year on New Year's. I think it's also important to think about death as a family once a year.
As for moving, let's also think about financial circumstances, neighborhood relationships, and your child's school, so I think it's okay to calm down a little more and then think about it without making a decision due to temporary feelings.
Finally, I value this relationship. It's a sensitive topic, so it may have made you feel uncomfortable, but I thought if I were in this position, so please forgive me if I'm being rude.

Namandabutsu
Junchi-sama.

Watching the exchange with Junchi-sama, I felt once again that the role of a priest like us is necessary precisely because my sorrow doesn't go away easily.

The master ship doctor who appears in pirate comics said something similar to the title.
However, there was also a monk who said the same thing long before that.

It seems that a person named Zengaku-san, the son of Kakuyo the 3rd generation of Honganji Temple, was written in a book called the Pure Land Observation Collection.
When I look at this world three years after my death, everyone has forgotten about me when I died.
It seems that he was deeply saddened that my existence had disappeared.

The body may have died, but as long as it remains in the mind of the person left behind, the deceased will not have to die a second time.
The grief of forgetting about that is deeper than the grief of a loved one's death.
Please keep that in mind.

If you search on the internet, it will probably come up, but it is said that there are four stages of recovering from grief.

Whether we move or not, I don't think Junchi-sama or her daughter will disappear from her family.
So, when it comes to moving, it's okay to be judged based on requirements other than your daughter.

As Mr. Urakami also said, it takes time to recover from grief.
There are times when I can't reply so that I can reach the itchy part of the place, but please let me know how you feel again.
Take good care of your other sisters, too.
Namandabutsu

To Junchi-sama

This time I lost my beloved daughter, and I think that grief is very painful.

People's memories can stay in their hearts forever.
If that person doesn't forget
First of all, what do we want to do now that we are left behind
Isn't that important?

When you don't know
Let's ask the eldest daughter.
Maybe I'll get some answers back.

Gassho