Consciousness of past crimes of adultery

Will I be forgiven?
I had an affair with a married man about 3 years ago. At the time, I wasn't thinking anything about if it was for this person. He often cried in front of me while talking about “I don't have a place in my house.” From there, my job didn't go well, and I became more and more addicted to alcohol. My partner's wife also found out. After that, he got divorced due to personality disagreements. (He spoke.) After that, I couldn't support my alcoholic boyfriend and we broke up.
After that, I met my current husband and told him that I didn't want to get married, but they said, “That's fine,” and we even got married. He is really honest and has a very good relationship with his righteous family.
I feel grateful for my marriage and the way my family is now. I have nothing but regret and remorse. My husband takes this fact to the grave, and he sincerely loves him and makes him happy.
However, it's scary that there might be some kind of big punishment that would ruin my current happiness. If that happens, I have a feeling that they will be sincere.
Will I be forgiven?

Sorry for the random text.

3 Zen Responses

Since I stated my confession and remorse of my sins here and pledged not to make the same mistakes in the future, my sins have disappeared from a Buddhist perspective. Please don't worry.

First of all, the worst person is the man you're dealing with.

However, since this world is causal retribution, there may be times when you receive a little bit of that reward.
If you can endure that time, please bear with it.
If you need help, don't overdo it and ask for help as soon as possible.
Please work together as a couple to overcome it.

I wish you all the best.

If I keep my current feelings

... these are words that pastors are likely to say at weddings.
As of now, it's probably “neither forgivable nor unforgivable.” What actions will you take when something happens in the future? As a result, your husband may or may not forgive you.
However, if you look at it from the Buddha's point of view... I imagine that you are now saying, “I'm glad you can live honestly.” We, Honen Shonin, the founder of the Jodo sect, asked prostitutes, “Can I be saved?” When asked, “If you can quit your current job, quit. It seems that they were told, “If you can't do it, just keep singing Nembutsu.” That courtesan also saw through that it was a choice between eating and not eating, because “the only way to survive was to do that.”
So, I think, “If I can maintain that feeling now, my husband will forgive me even if something happens” (I'm not the person myself, so I can't say for sure).
Even though there have been many things in the past, if we can honestly return to the origin of “the feeling we had when we got married,” as I wrote at the beginning, I'm sure we'll be able to manage it. Actually, it's the same for everyone, and I don't think it's just your case.

If we reflect, the future will open up.

Hello Sakusaku-san.

You're bothered by past adulterous acts, aren't you?
In addition to infidelity, there are more than a few cases in life where people take the wrong path. It can also be said that it is human work. But if you change your mind from there, reflect, and act, the path of happiness will open up again.
Right now, you love your husband and are taking good care of your family, so please feel safe and go down that path. As Sakusaku said, there is no need to tell your husband about the past. Please take it to the grave.
And if you want to promote a little more happiness, do volunteering for people. In Buddhism, it is called a Bodhisattva act. If you compare it in numbers, if you live a life of minus 10 points due to infidelity in your life, let's accumulate +20 points of good deeds. Then 10 points of happiness will be given to you. On the contrary, the experience of infidelity creates the feeling that a happier married couple must live, so if you accumulate a lot of good deeds, it can also be an important life experience for you.

Please feel free to contact us whenever it becomes difficult. I will secretly support your happy life.

Good luck! Gassho

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