suicides

Good morning.

The beginning of the rainy season has been declared in the area where I live, but it hasn't rained at all. Far from not raining, the sun is coming out.
It was said on TV today that the dates for the beginning of the rainy season may be corrected around fall. If things look like this, there may be corrections this fall.
First, let's open the curtains and then open the window. How's the weather at home? What does the air smell like?

Well, today I wrapped the screw on the temple's wall clock. There are 2 wall clocks at the temple; I think one is from the Taisho period, and the other one is from the Showa era. People in the Showa era wind screws once a month. The time is also accurate. People in the Taisho era needed to roll up screws once a week. Both have two screws, “for a pendulum” and “for a time signal (the bone bone makes a sound),” and when 2 units are wound, 4 screws are wound. My arms get pretty tired.
So, times aren't quite accurate in the Taisho period. The cause seems to be that the pendulum stretches and contracts due to the influence of ambient temperature. There are places where fine adjustments can be made, but after fine-tuning in the winter, I thought it was already spring, it quickly began to shift, and when I thought it had healed, it was already fall. But I'm attached to the one that takes care of me (laughs)

I think you're also in a state where you feel like the screws in your heart have been loosened right now. There's a big screw hole in the back, and it would be nice if you could twirl it around, but that's not the case.
Also, there is a limit to talking on the internet. Please go to the doctor. Psychiatry is good, but if it's hard to go, internal medicine is fine. When I was in the same condition as you, I consulted with my internal medicine doctor. It's fine.
Of course, if you go to the doctor and take medicine, you won't recover quickly. Little by little, really. It's a repetition of getting better and worse again. But don't give up. I'm sure it will get better.

don't be so impatient. Please go outside today, buy some delicious food, eat it, and relax.

Noriyuki

Consciousness and mind are also made up of luck, as things due to cause and effect (cause and condition).

Good consciousness and the inheritance of the heart also depend on cause and effect. I want to move towards good results through good causation.

Anyway, there are hints in Buddhism for arranging good causes and relationships.

Please don't give up and let's get on with what we can do little by little.

I've experienced it, but it's really hard not being able to sleep well.

First of all, I would like to recommend that you be examined at a hospital that specializes in insomnia or has a sleep outpatient clinic in order to rest well both mentally and physically.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

“I want to live better”
I think it's a good idea to let that desire explode.
It arouses public outrage, shame, and energy similar to anger, saying “can we die and end up living like this?”
There is no one who can help me when I want to die.
If you want to live a better life, many people will help you.
My own negative experiences can also help many people by inspiring this heart.
Lotus flowers also bloom from the quagmire.
Mud is an abominable experience in the past for you.
However, that experience is also “that kind of experience” if you remove your own good and bad.
I also suffered a lot of damage when I wanted to die when I was young, but looking back now, I'm confessing that was also a valuable experience.
You may be struggling with that situation right now, and you don't like it or not.
But strangely enough, even that feeling can be forgotten.
Your breathing doesn't want to die.
You should still be breathing.
It makes your life live with the aim of revitalizing a better life.
Let's take a good rest today.
Stop blaming yourself and go to bed slowly.
In order to rest your body, really don't do anything.

It may be an acute mental disorder, so I think it's better to see a different psychiatrist or psychological counselor than last time.
You'd better not rely on what a bad psychiatrist says.
Look for a doctor who will listen to you kindly.

Everything in this world is changing. This is called various acts are impermanent. Buddha's teachings are the truth of this world. And you are no different. There were happy times in the past, right? It's hell right now, isn't it? However, things will change again. Life is full of mountains and valleys.
so please don't die.
My parents and friends are sad.
Your best friend also has to help you, right?