suicides

Are you almost asleep? You can often do that kind of penance. It's a lot of guts.
I was also sick when I was a student and lived almost a week bedridden. It was one day when I ate only what my working girlfriend bought at a convenience store late at night, and a week passed without doing anything. (My head hurts... I wonder what... I wonder if it's a cold... I need to ventilate a bit.)

When I opened the window and breathed in the outside air, my headache went away quickly. (I see, if the air in the room gets too bad, I get a headache.) If I think about it now, it might have been close to a sick house. And then I noticed it. (Well, I haven't traveled a distance of 2 or 3 meters from my bed to that window in the past week. (They only live a lifestyle where they go back and forth between bed and toilet.)

I felt such a creepy sense of disgust for myself, so I just went to college for the time being. My part-time job destroyed me, but I didn't hate college. After that, I had a student life with nothing in particular. There's no dramatic salvation like you'd expect. However, everyday life with nothing special. That was probably good for recovery.

I don't want to do that kind of bedridden penance again. It's a lot of guts that even Zen monks who zazen are doing things they don't want to do.

It is regarded as going far away where no one knows him. If I were to commit suicide, I wouldn't lose anything by going and walking around. if you lose it, you'll die anyway. If you die there, you can save yourself the trouble of committing suicide. With that in mind, let's walk around a natural world with nothing. It will surely make your mind and body feel better.

There are people around who have committed suicide and attempted suicide.
When I ask those who have attempted to do it, it seems that hanging the neck is far from euthanasia.
In addition to the pain of suffocating, the pain that makes you think an eyeball will pop out, and it continues for a while...
And after they hang their necks, they look miserable, with their tongues sticking out and dripping tears and feces.
The trauma of those who saw that figure is inevitable.
It's far from easy.

Buddhism was born as a result of death from old age illness.
It is important to pass away peacefully.
Being bedridden right now is probably tough, but isn't it okay if you don't do such a tough and painful thing until you die?

Speaking of which, it is said that there are euthanasia facilities in Switzerland, etc.
At least it seems to be a specification that is less painful than a hanging neck.
Switzerland.
Why don't you try your best to aim for that anyway?
You can also see spectacular views of the Alps and Bern's Old Town.

With that said.
I think “shinitai” is a cry from the heart saying “I want to (be) together.”
I may not be able to help you much, but I believe that there is such a cry, and I want to help.

Noriyuki

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

“Salvation was not found in Buddhism”...

No, I think it's just that they haven't been found yet, even though it's just that they haven't been found yet.

After all, there are 88,000 teachings of Shakyamuni.

No, as a matter of convenience, there are countless more... in short, it can also be said that the content to be explained differs depending on the exact person to whom you are preaching, so if there are 10 billion people, it is not strange if they are preaching 10 billion people.

However, nowadays, we have to rely on Buddhist scriptures left behind due to the absence of Shakyamuni and Nyorai, and guru who is familiar with the Buddhist scriptures and is familiar with the Buddhist scriptures.

Please don't give up yet, and I'm sure there are teachings for you, so I would be grateful if you could work towards Buddhist practice.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

I read it. I think it's really hard to live. Yes, that's right.
But it's not just you. A lot of people are living today with a hard time.

Outside, the plants and trees are now looking out, spreading their leaves, and trying to bloom no matter who tells them.
That's the case with roadside weeds. They are living very hard even though they don't take a moment to rest when they will be overtaken or their lives taken.
No matter how blessed I am, I am trying to live no matter how much suffering I am.

If you are sick, please take a good rest and cultivate your energy first. Also, please heal your mind and body.

Then please face your life once again. You probably still have a lot more to learn and live for. You don't understand that right now.

Please recover even a little bit and look back at yourself and the world around you.
That's your job. It's your first thing to do.

I was also previously admitted to the hospital and was bedridden for 3 months. I was in despair at the time. It may not be the same as it is now, but I spend every day facing life just a little bit. And I'm studying Buddhism. Buddhism is a profound teaching.

I hope that you too will learn carefully again.
I sincerely pray that your future will awaken your eyes from now on, that you will learn the teachings of the Buddha, and that you will live with a clear heart.