I can't control the urge to die

Like you, I've always lived my life with the feeling that I wanted to die. Meanwhile, I came across the teachings of Buddhism and have reached the present. However, even if you encounter Buddhism and learn the Buddha's teachings, the feeling that sometimes makes you want to go away will not completely disappear. I think that's what it means to live as a human being. And we want to break our minds and live our lives. There are always encounters where I'm glad I didn't die at that time.
That's because I am like that. There's my song called “It's OK.” If you like it, I'd like you to listen to it. No matter how hard it is, there is always a world that can save me. Also, since both I and you are living human beings, your suffering and worries won't go away. This is because people who have suffering and trouble are called human beings. There are always times when I wake up. Please live. You're not alone. I'm with you. The Buddha is watching too. Our bodies want to live. Always always. I think they are somehow buying Japanese T. It's fine.

“I hate myself for thinking that. I hate myself for not getting into a decent company. That's why I want to die.”

Sasaki, at least once is fine, so please forgive her.
I don't even need you to say anything harshly at yourself.
I found out that I had confided the inside of my heart to others and felt embarrassed. Isn't that a huge step? Please tell them that they don't have to worry about it.

You said you wanted to live a happy and enjoyable life.
You didn't say anything wrong, did you?
There may have been a mistake. But you don't believe the wrong thing, do you? Rather than believing the wrong thing even if you don't make a mistake, that should be the greatest support for Sasaki and many people (and surely for her friends).
From my friend's point of view, when the inside of my chest is exposed, I suddenly feel pressured to wonder if I have to expose the inside of my chest too. So I think I was just a little surprised. The desire to live a happy life must be the same. I'm sure you'll understand.

“I want you to take responsibility for my life and die. I don't like living and taking responsibility. It's scary, so I want you to forgive me for the act of dying only once.”

“Because I'll never forgive you”
What did someone say to you? Or do you think so by looking back on yourself until now?
“Taking responsibility” does not mean living while suffering for yourself.

Buddhism, or rather, I think
Jealousy and the urge to die are things that get stronger the more you try to refuse them. It's like throwing it in the trash and coming back again. It's light horror. Sometimes I'm surprised and say “hey!” Isn't it like a B-grade horror movie like Tenaru?
Or it's like a traveler who comes passing by like a storm and messes up the inside of the house. It gets extra rough when you try to refuse it.
So please keep them quiet. I'm sure it would be quieter that way.
I may not want them to join me, but I also have jealousy and the urge to die. Right now I have it in a corner of my room. I want to throw it away, but while thinking it can't be helped, I sometimes say “hey!” That being said, I'm going back to my room today too.
It's like that every day. Let's forgive while we eat.

　They say, “I want 'me' to take responsibility for my life”... but putting second- or third-person words such as you into “” would be a great threat, wouldn't it be a great threat. Of course, you can't say words you shouldn't say to others, either to yourself. so please stop it...
I think you are currently mentally ill, or are in a state of exhaustion, both mentally and physically on the verge of it.
If it's hard, I think it's okay to quit the company... because your mind and body are more important than work.
I don't know what kind of company it is, but let's stop saying “it's not a decent company.” At least it's the company you joined, so even if there are various reasons, you are the one who decided to join the company. Otherwise, you will be denying your own choices, and you will lose hope of living.
“Actually, I think I want to live”... Humans are living creatures, so of course I want to live. It's a natural emotion... please cherish that feeling.
What is denying that natural feeling of your own is your own exhausted will.
Please stop fasting etc... it is humans who want to eat when they are hungry. They say that if your body reaches its limit, they will die without permission... but as an example, it seems that if you strangle yourself with both hands, your lungs work to the maximum the moment you lose consciousness and try to live. It's the greatness of life force... believe in your ability to live.
Let's stop thinking and thinking... it will only get harder.
Feelings for oneself that arise from oneself are called “obsession.” In other words, it's “worry.”
Basically, Buddhism is about walking the path of destroying worries through ascetic practice, but there is also a teaching about leaving attachment to oneself by devoting oneself to the Buddha... the Jodo Shinshu sect is that.
Either way, please stop worrying about the future for a moment. Please think that is what ascetic practice is...
Humans are pretty good... as long as they're alive... it's my opinion that I've lived for over 50 years.
The Buddha wants you to live your life well.

I read it. I think you're feeling hopeless about your life because you're having a very hard time at work right now. I think you're having a deathly painful feeling right now.
I sincerely understand your feelings.

You've faced various forms of moral harassment and power harassment because you got your current job.
Then I think you regret the mistake you made.
It's not your fault that you didn't understand until you got a job.
That company itself is a black company, so the people who work there and blame you are bad.
First of all, please rest your mind. And I would like you to calm down and reconsider.
Once you can think calmly, I think it's okay to consult with a public institution about that company or work.

I think it's time for you to look back at it again.

There is a cause for such painful feelings.
So I'd like you to sort out that workplace once.
You're a victim who was driven that way.
Depending on the company, even if it is a company called a famous company, the inside story is extremely bad, and there are also black companies.
Such companies have no survival value until they violate laws or human rights.

I think it is desirable to break ties quickly when working for such a company.
When I was an office worker, I was driven into internal and external moral harassment and power harassment.
How many times have you thought about jumping into the train? Even so, it stopped at the last minute.
The treatment also took a long time. And then I left the company.
With that in mind, I got my current job, but now I'm somehow living.

If you're alive, there are times when things go for the better, and there are times when you naturally go with a different flow.

Life is full of mistakes, just mistakes. Nevertheless, trial and error are repeated, and they are often guided by various relationships and encounters.

Your life has just begun. Please take a break for a while, calm your mind, and face your future again.

You will definitely be guided in the right direction. You are protected by various people.

I wholeheartedly support you. Please let me hear the story again.
We are always waiting for you.