About after giving birth

I'm currently 9 months pregnant, and my real mother said, “After giving birth, I can come back to my parents' house and stay 1 or 2 months.” I was told that when I was 6 months pregnant. I have a mother and child family, and my mother does not go back to her parents' house to raise children and do civil engineering related work. Honestly, wouldn't it be a burden for me to go back to my parents' house? I thought, and I hadn't thought about going home until my mother told me I could come back. However, my husband also proceeded to go back to my parents' house, and my mother asked, “Is it really OK to go back?” When asked, “That's good.” I was told that, so I told my husband that I had decided to go home 1 month after delivery. However, when I returned to my hometown during Obon this month, my mother said, “I went to get married, so I can't stay at my parents' house for a month. My boyfriend said, “Let's do it for 3 weeks.” I was told. My mother has a boyfriend I've been in a relationship with for over 10 years, and my mother's boyfriend has been divorced and has 4 children. However, from my point of view, I don't think he's a father, and even if two people are enrolled, I don't think he's a father. In terms of raising children, I can respect them, but it is good if they are happy and they are not interested in a relationship between the two from the beginning. Even so, I was angry at my boyfriend's unnecessary words and my mother, who changed her opinion, and said, “Who decided 3 weeks? Even if the obstetrics and gynecology teacher says please take 1 month off, is it 3 weeks? If that forces them to move and something happens, it's because of the two of them.” I said that. At that time, my mother got so angry that she said, “You can take 1 month off, and I haven't decided on 3 weeks.” I was told. However, in the end, I came home early after only being there for 2 days. When I complained to my husband, he said, “It will be difficult after delivery, so you can go back to my parents' house (parents-in-law's house), and my parents will be happy.” I was told. However, I was careful when I went back to my parents-in-law's house, and I couldn't get rid of my fatigue. My mother also seems happy that her grandchild will be born, and she talks about things like “lay out a futon here and let them sleep here!” My mother's job is also a night shift, and she was told to do it for 3 weeks because she couldn't take care of her if she continued to work the night shift. When I first decided to go home 1 month after delivery, my mother's work wasn't scheduled to work the night shift, but I had myself who couldn't forgive my mother and boyfriend no matter what, and I was so frustrated that I cried. I don't feel like telling my mother that I've given birth. I don't know what will happen to me after giving birth, but I think I need a certain amount of time off. I don't want to spoil my parents' house, but am I thinking too much?

7 Zen Responses

Be flexible

Yu-Yu-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

Question “life counseling”
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/156

I wonder if it's “Yu-yu,” who asked you this question before. If that were the case, would it feel like after that, with the cooperation of your husband, you will arrive safely at the end of the month?

I'm finally meeting my baby, so I'm full of expectations and a lot of anxiety.

The difficulty of giving birth is something men cannot experience and is immeasurable, but as I mentioned in my humble answers to the questions above, I think it would be nice if my husband wanted to attend the birth if possible, and let them know how difficult it is, and further renew their awareness and responsibility to become a father.

After delivery, it was hectic, I was discharged from the hospital in 4 or 5 days, and life with the unfamiliar baby (breastfeeding every 2 to 3 hours, changing diapers, bathing, etc.) just starts, so it is certainly reassuring to have someone on your side who can support you as much as possible.

At this point, I think it is necessary to be able to respond “flexibly” according to the situation.

I can understand that I can't forgive my real mother and her boyfriend, but when I think about postpartum care, I know that even though it's 3 weeks, it's still important for Yu-yu to help take care of the baby while being taught various things, so that Yuyu can rest her mind and body.

In the meantime, when it is close to three weeks from now, I think future responses will naturally be decided.

I'm worried that deleting the option “three weeks at my real mother's place” early at the stage where you haven't given birth will be extremely difficult for you and your baby.

Three weeks later, maybe, my body has already recovered to some extent, and at that time, I'm often used to taking care of my baby, and while getting the cooperation of my husband, I have more options to deal with, such as having my real mother or mother-in-law come to help me at home, or being taken care of at my husband's parents' house, so there are more options for dealing with it than right after delivery, and I think there are many ways to feel safe.

I pray for a safe delivery.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Till I'm done

When I read your question, I felt like my mother's boyfriend simply wanted to have a monopoly on her, so don't stay too long. I thought it might be a problem between Yuyu and her mother's boyfriend before giving birth, but I'm sorry if I made a mistake. I'm not going to touch on that here, but about being spoiled by my parents' house and not being spoiled...

At this stage, we don't know how Yuyu and the baby are feeling after delivery. Since it's my parents' house, I don't think it's a month; I think it's okay to pamper yourself until you're done. If you don't have good fertility after delivery, you may struggle for a long time afterwards, and it's great to forget about housework and spend a lot of rich time with your baby. I wonder if I was raised this way, and I may feel grateful once again to my mother.

In the meantime, when Mr. Yuyu thinks, “I wonder if that's enough,” or when her husband says, “Come back here soon,” I think it would be better to go back to the new house.
Why don't you say to your mother, “It's going to be troublesome for a while,” and when asked about that period, tell her, “I can't say anything at this point, but I'll go home as soon as I get back in shape.”

Has the parent-child relationship been going well until now?

Has Yuyu and her mother had a good parent-child relationship until now?
“I don't want to report to my mother that I've given birth” because of all this
To say that it makes me feel like this has been the case until now
I think it was there.
Or is it the feeling that your mom was taken by your boyfriend?
If it wasn't a good parent-child relationship,
The emotions up until now probably spilled out all at once.
But this is important, and when you become a mother
They say they don't want children to feel the same way
Feelings are probably starting to blow up right now.
It can't be helped.
Nor am I saying that you have to go home and give birth.
You are the mother of the child that will be born.
And my father is my husband.
If there is a deep love between the two
Kids grow up fast.
If it's physically difficult, ask someone to help you come to the house, etc.
There is a method.
There are also many single mothers raising children.
The mother's mental state also affects the baby.
I want you to give birth with a big, relaxed feeling.

Your mother cares about you. I feel love

You're going to be a mom soon~
I am also happy with the birth of a new life.
Your stomach is getting bigger, and your fetal movements are intense, aren't you? It's a time when I think about my child who will soon be born, think carefully about my life as a mom, and at the same time become a maternity blue where I wonder if it's okay. It's a time when I have a delicate body where my heart is shaken by the slightest attitude and words around me.

I read your question...
Your mother cares about you more than anyone else, and I think she's looking forward to your baby being born. The fact that they say go home after delivery is because they care about you.
There are probably circumstances over there (my mother's boyfriend), so although there is a difference in the number of days between 1 month and 3 weeks, I think it would be nice if I could just relax and go home.

The best thing is to be able to take a leisurely rest before and after delivery, but since I was in the temple, it wasn't easy to leave the temple before and after delivery, and I only went home for a few days after 1 month after delivery. It varies from person to person, but I'm happy that my mom tells me to come back.

Right now, a little thing is making me anxious and sad... Being pregnant is tough, isn't it? He also seems to be a kind and understanding person, and it would be nice if he listened to a lot and was spoiled.
Now, enjoy your time as a pregnant woman.

Yu-Yu-sama.

This is my first experience, and I know that pregnancy and childbirth will not be able to rest your heart.

If there are waves in your heart due to your relationship with your mother or something, it will not have a positive effect on the mother's body or child.
(My mother at my parents' house is a former obstetrics and gynecology nurse, so I've heard a lot...)

Please talk to your husband a lot and take the method that will make you understand.
You don't need to hesitate anywhere right now... because you and your pregnant child come first...

Why don't you talk to yourself at that time

To Yu-Yu-sama

There are a lot of things, and I understand how you feel.
It may be difficult, but we have no choice but to look at the current situation.
However, it also has meaning, and there is always a connection.

Why don't you just try it for 3 weeks?
Why don't you discuss your physical condition at that time and consider it?

After all, I think it's bad for the fetus to think about a lot of things.
At the end of the day, I think I'll have no choice but to be angry. Gassho

Mothers have experienced things that are more difficult than giving birth once, and are still

If I were in your position,
“What is it! The child was born after having a hard time, and the mother also had grandchildren! I wanted my mom to accept me first and foremost! If you're a mother rather than a mother, your daughter's priority is probably over her boyfriend! Please accept these difficult times more like a mother than a boyfriend!” I think so.
Please take the plunge, open it up again, and laugh at them by saying, “Damn, that's not helpful (laughs)”.
Right now, it just so happens that we don't have room for each other.
Mental and financial support is important for a mother and for her future life in old age, so a boyfriend is also important.
Probably, even my mom tried her best to persuade her boyfriend in her own way, and it was three weeks.
There was probably also a sense of trust that I thought that my daughter, you, would understand the situation.
Your mom just isn't good at conveying her love to you. However, it's probably the result of thinking through all your efforts as a mother, in your own way, as a mother.
My wife didn't go back to my parents' house and spent the whole time at my place. There are circumstances depending on the person.
Giving birth was an important part of your life. However, more than 20 years have passed since your mother gave birth to you, and there is plenty of room, and she has experienced things that are even more difficult than giving birth while raising you, so compared to that, it's probably not that big of a thing. I'm waiting for something even harder, and I'm sure they'll help me in such times, so it's fine. Let's make concessions with each other and understand once again that we were in a difficult position with each other. If we do that, we will surely be able to forgive and spoil each other.

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