Where would you go if you commit suicide

There are more people who will be sad when you die than you might think. A lot of people will be sad when you die. Please live.

I think you've lived with death in pain. The monks of the Jodo Shinshu Honganji school (Nishi Honganji), to which I belong, have established a suicide and suicide counseling center in Kyoto and are also accepting telephone consultations. Please try calling there.

Telephone consultations are available on Fridays and Saturdays from 5 p.m. to 5:30 a.m. the next morning, and the phone number is 075-365-1616. The homepage is
http://www.kyoto-jsc.jp/
That's it. Please be sure to consult with us.

Thank you hasunoha for your question. This is a site that gives me hope for life. By all means, please tell me what you are struggling with, to the extent that I can say. Maybe it's a problem I can't handle with my ability, but I'm sure an answer monk registered with Hasunoha will answer it.
What I can say to Kaede-san right now is, “What I can only do now is to 'live.'” That's it. Things that are built on “living,” for example, eating, sleeping, etc. can be done even if they are not now. However, “living,” which is the foundation that makes them possible, is something that can only be done now. It's not something I can say I'll do tomorrow. Please, I hope you can make use of this hasunoha so that you can focus on “living” things that can only be done now.

※I'm sorry this is not a direct answer to your question.

This is a story about when I foolishly thought “I want to die.”
Anyway, I was filled with a sense of frustration, defeat, and loss.
The self-denial feelings I'm talking about now were probably in a max state.
There was nothing to do with it other than alcohol, music, dark books, and loneliness.
When I thought it was about time, I opened three whiskey bottles in two days and vomited blood, probably because my stomach had gone crazy. My whole body shivered “doo-kun,” and I should have wanted to die haha, but I thought “I'm going to die... dangerous...”
Looking back now, “this guy (ego)” was the only one who wanted to die.
I didn't know there was a “real life” in a place other than “this guy.”
I realized that “I want to die” is in a different place from my own will, and “life,” which had been moving since I was born until now, had been activated.
“This guy” is my tiny self. ego. my own head.
It's “this guy” who says he likes it, doesn't like it, can't forgive it, is good or bad.
However, “life,” which should be called my true protagonist, is completely different from that.
“Life” doesn't say to yourself that you want to die or that it's good or bad.
I'm trying to live until the end of my life given to me from heaven.
Please listen carefully to this tonight.
Are you really trying to get your heart moving?
Are you moving because you want to breathe?
Does “life” really say “I want to die” or something?
I've never said that “life” comes from death.
If you drink something dangerous, they'll try to throw it out.
If you think about something bad, Doraemon sends out an SOS signal called “suffering” just by saying “You can't do that, Nobita-kun.”
It must be painful. It must be painful. It's an SOS signal for the body and mind.
I noticed that he was telling me, “Don't do that any more.”
The heart, pulse, blood flow, and breathing are driven by “life” rather than “this guy (ego).” Life was given to me by my parents, but now I'm an eternal partner who works only for me.
Human core happiness or peace doesn't make “this guy” happy.
“Life” is about living in a peaceful way.
Try sleeping while feeling your own breath.
It's not speeding it up, not trying to slow it down, and I feel like it's making noise.

There was something so painful that I wanted to commit suicide.
What exactly happened?
Did a big problem happen all of a sudden?
Are you struggling with the accumulation of so many small problems?

When you think about reincarnation, even if you commit suicide, you just become a different creature again, and in that sense, the suffering of living “never ends.”
The “end” that Buddhism aims for is realized when you learn Buddhism and get rid of worries and afflictions.
Being human now is an opportunity to learn Buddhism.

The Buddha does not punish you.
The afflictions in one's own heart, such as greed, anger, laziness, pride, and obsession, are causing trouble and suffering (punishment) to oneself.
The Buddha preaches such a teaching about controlling and eliminating worries and suffering by controlling and eliminating worries.

There's no need to be afraid of the afterlife.
If you say Namu Amida Buddha (Namu Amida Butsu) and Nembutsu, the Buddha will lead you to the Pure Land of Paradise.
It's difficult to get rid of your worries right away, so you can go to the Pure Land of Paradise and then get rid of your worries under the guidance of the Buddha.
(Even if you commit suicide, the pain of living will continue, but the Buddha will guide you to eliminate the suffering of living.)

If your grandmother who passed away is in the Pure Land of Paradise, you can meet her if you go to the Pure Land of Paradise.
But we don't know where Grandma is being reborn.
There are many worlds in space, and creatures of various levels, and I don't know where they will be reborn depending on their state of mind when they die.

As an exception, people who have Namu Amida Buddha and Nembutsu can definitely go to the Pure Land of Paradise.
This is because a Buddha called Amitabha has vowed that people who are doing nembutsu will always be born in the Pure Land of Paradise.
Once you don't have to worry about the afterlife (future), all you have to do is worry about this world, or the reality of the present and here.
If I can live one second now, I think I can live the next second too.

Kaede-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

It looks like you're really having a hard time...

If you don't mind, I would be grateful if you could consult with hasunoha about the details as much as possible.

Until now, we have answered the following questions about suicide and matters after death.

“About Suicide and Suicide”
http://goo.gl/3ZbZUr

“About after death”
http://goo.gl/ejLMq3

“Doesn't suicide end anything?” ... Buddhism denies both the theory of permanent residence and the theory of annihilation, and also denies the theory of substance. Therefore, I don't think it's going to die, then everything will end, and it will be nothing. Of course, color and body as one of the five effects (color, reception, thought, action, consciousness) lose their function and action, so it cannot be said that they are the same as the state we are currently living in. Also, other effects affected by the body also disappear or weaken, but even if the body is lost, it is natural that other effects are kept fine in mental inheritance, and furthermore, there are cases where that mental inheritance maintains the potential (possibility) of having a physical body, and eventually it is possible to prepare for the five functions again. However, as in the analogy of the “blind turtle driftwood,” it is truly difficult to be personally affected, and for example, if we were to be able to obtain a human body on this earth again and live the way we do now... honestly, the probability is close to a miracle. I really want you to take good care of your current life.

“Will the Buddha send me to hell as punishment?” ... It's not that the Buddha makes you go to a bad place as punishment; it's just your own actions (karma) that determine your own destination. If good deeds can be accumulated along with the relationship with the Buddha, good deeds can also be hoped, but since a relationship with the Buddha may be one of the causes or conditions for a good destination, it is by no means the only absolute cause or condition. What is most important depends only on how you act.

Due to the character limit, up to this point. Anyway, depending on what you do better in the future, you will definitely be able to hope for better results. I would like you to stop thinking about suicide.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho