Talk specifically about your friend's death. (Be prepared to be scolded)

I met a friend at a cooking college when I was 19.
However, due to my own circumstances, I dropped out of school.
After that, I suddenly got a phone call from her and said, “I'm at 00 station now, can I go to Kaori's house?” It was a phone call. When I asked what happened to the school,
My friend said, “Hmm, I don't want to go.”
She was a very kind kid who didn't speak ill of her friends or talk bad about her friends.
So I wasn't bullied at school.
But instead of saying “go to school anyway,” I just said, “Well, come on.” It became a habit, and they skipped school many times and came to my house to play.
I'm an idiot too, so I wasn't careful, and the two of us played in places where it didn't cost any money. (Fast food, parks, etc.) If I think about it now, these aren't friends. Sometimes it is necessary to be strict.
Now it's about romance, but it has become a love triangle.
The man I'm dealing with has fallen in love with my friend.
That kind of thing was unavoidable, yet I said something I didn't mean to my friend, “Don't call me anymore.”
So, I got a job at a local company. When she collapsed in September and was hospitalized, my friend's father told me they couldn't meet her. She passed away in late October.
I heard that he had passed away from a man who had become a love triangle.
I couldn't believe it when I heard the death report, and the inside of my head went blank.
When I was looking at the sky, it was probably because I had strong feelings for her,
I've heard her call over and over again. I blocked both ears.
After that, I strangled myself with a string.
Strangling yourself requires quite a bit of strength, doesn't it?
From there, I met my high school friends several times, and in front of the building near the nearest train station, it sounds like a place for young people to pick up at night,
I went out for a drive in my friend's car and stopped the car for one end.
Of course, I was picked up. The men who called out were gangsters.
The next day, it was sold off by 2 of them. I was raped.
I got into an argument with my friend about that, but my friend didn't apologize and got upset. What's more, I was told to give money.
This is the reason why I don't like people.

Sorry for the long sentence.

8 Zen Responses

Please make use of your various experiences in the future.

When you're young, you probably have a lot of regrets.
Life isn't all about good things.
So that I can make use of my experiences up until now
I want them to live their future lives.

little by little.

If you don't like people, it means you hate yourself even more
I know that very well.

Remembering painful events in the past is more than strangling
It's painful.

Looking back now, you are here precisely because you are also reflecting on yourself
I think I was able to write it.

Someone will pick up the voice.

I know very well that it is not only on the internet.

In reality, it may still be difficult to talk to someone.
As an exercise, I think this kind of hasunoha exists.

Confiding little by little, little by little is choosing one's path
I don't think it's negative for you either.

When it comes to reality, I'll talk to animals first.
Next, I'll talk to someone much older.
Then, I'll talk to people my age.

I believe that it is possible to heal even wounds that don't heal.

Living as a woman has always possessed this experience.

　I think Kaori has often confessed that it's hard to talk to people, even though it's on the internet. I salute that courage. I'm also prepared to be criticized because it's on the internet, so I'm going to explain it.
I think this kind of experience is probably something you will possess as long as you live as a woman. The other day, my female friends were shocked by the fact that there are many perverts in this place and that they have experienced molestation in the past.
① As for my cooking school friend, I think friends who spend time with when in trouble are more wonderful than friends who pay attention. Leave it up to your parents and teachers to be careful, and your friends will listen attentively. I thought your decision was correct. I'm envious of you because the tangles of love are something you can only experience when you're young. I wasn't popular at all when I was a student, and even if I confessed, I was a total loss (laughs). Girls who are invited out on a date and are initially OK are also told by their friends and parents and their promises are broken. I almost fell into a slump with women. I can read even from a short sentence that my friend's death was really painful. Please continue to pray for them on the anniversary of their death.
② It's not your fault that you've been assaulted. The man who went there was bad, his high school friend who invited him to a strange place is bad. You're not responsible for anything. Even if they know that such a thing is bad since they were born as a human being, the people who do it can only say that something is missing.
③ I think it's okay if you don't like people. To put it bluntly, a cautious person. People who can calmly follow up when everyone is excited are needed at work, at home, and in relationships with friends. Even at joint parties, when everyone is having fun, people who can clean up empty plates on the table, see how much time is left, split the bill, and use coupons tend to be overshadowed, but I respect them. For the most part, I like following girls like that rather than girls who are cheerful and exciting (aren't they like monks?).
Finally, you can look back at the past. It's okay if you don't like people. But don't forget to just clean your personal surroundings, wash your face, eat, and excrete. It seems like they are living a lively and energetic life just by doing that. I also work at a nursing home, and people who are able to do that are doing well even when they are old.
　
　
　

Take a fresh look at your past and how will you live from now on? The importance of being able to ask

It was written that I was prepared to be scolded... If humans were alive, many things would happen. They say it's something you can't say to people. There's no such thing as getting angry about your way of life.

I experienced many things, sometimes painfully hurt, and experienced sadness and despair. What are your thoughts right now?
Asking questions in this way means looking back at myself until now and how will I live in the future? Because they are thinking properly ◎

There are all kinds of people. There are also people who suffer because they don't notice the other person's sorrow or pain. You may meet people like that in the future. That's me too... Instead of being swept away by others, you have to hold yourself firmly and have a clear eye for discerning. for myself.
Once you know your partner, you'll have many wonderful encounters, and you may even get help from others.

I think you're a sensitive and kind person. So, don't be afraid, be positive, and I hope you can build good relationships with those around you little by little.

I like being alone, too.

I read it over and over again.
It's hard to find words that brighten Kaori's heart.

However, the sentence he wrote by saying “the reason I don't like people,”
The more I read, the more I feel like Kaori's regrets are written.

I played together while knowing that my friend was skipping school.
I ended up saying “don't call me anymore” because of the love triangle.
My friend passed away and I strangled myself.
I was picked up and I was in a terrible situation.

“If only I had made a firmer decision...”
Well, it seems like Kaori's voice can be heard.

You need to be prepared to break up with yourself like that.
Specifically, the first thing to do is use the word “thank you” as much as possible.
And if possible, with a “smile.”
(Even if you don't have a “thank you” or “smile” in your heart, it doesn't matter if it's just the surface.)

Break up with your life up until now
They live a life of “thank you” and “smiles.”
Then, “thank you” gathers in “thank you.”
“Smiles” gather in “smiles.”
It's so comfortable to have a relationship where we appreciate each other.

I sincerely wish Kaori happiness.

That was hard

Kaori

That was hard

It must have been hard to break up with my friend in an unexpected way

it must have been so painful that I had to strangle myself

it must have been sad to be hurt by scary men

it must have been annoying to be blamed by a friend

It's hard not being able to dislike people, and it's also hard having to think that I wish I hadn't been born.

But just one thing.
A friend asked, “Can I go to Kaori's house?” I think it's great to be able to help them when they were asked for it.
I think my friend thought it was good that Kaori was there during the hardest time.

Kaori-sama.

Please try seeing a psychosomatic medicine once.
That's because the long period of time is visible and hidden in your reply...

that and...
In response to Master Hasegawa, he said, “I regret it. There is a saying, “I wish I hadn't been born,”
The fact that you were born into this world always means you have received some kind of mission, so “I regret it. There is absolutely no such thing as “I wish I hadn't been born.”
Now that we know its mission...

It's about to come

To Kaori

There's nothing to get angry about.
It must have been hard.

My experience up until now
You took action based on how you felt at that time.

What is important now
It's about what to do now.
Aren't you still living like this?

I think the various experiences and events have meaning.
Please think so.

Not all the people you've met up until now.
If you keep looking forward, you will surely meet wonderful people. Gassho

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